7 Successful Steps to Start Accomplishing Your Goals
Most of this article is about understanding that there are the 3 enemies that try to stop us from achieving our goals in this world. Everyone, regardless of their level of success, will experience procrastination, stress, and self-sabotage at some point.
These feelings are a normal part of being human, but it’s important to remember that we all go through them, and it’s okay to feel them. However, the purpose is to get past these enemies so we can reach our goals. Here are 7 successful steps to start accomplishing your goals.
If you are detailed, analytical, and logical or simply sick of falling short of your goals, please read on.
1. Understanding Goals:
Hands up, if you think ‘Settings goals’ is hard.
You’re not alone.
It’s generally from a goal we set out to achieve or haven’t achieved in a while but want to. That’s when it feels challenging or downright overwhelming. So, to eliminate the hardship, it’s important to first understand Goals.
Anyone can write a few goals on paper. But the problem is, we think that the process of ‘setting goals’ is what is going to make us happy. Instead, what we are really saying to ourselves is that we won’t be happy until we have reached it.
Tripped you up, didn’t I?
Stay with me!
(Btw….there is a Downloadable Exercise Pdf at the end for those wanting to do Goals a better way – FREE!)
If you have had the same goal for years, for example, losing 10 kilos or pounds, chances are you think setting the goal to do it is the part that is going to make you happy. However, in reality, until you successfully reach the goal, they are just words on paper.
So, by definition, you are giving away your ‘happiness’ to something that may or may not happen in the future.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Therefore ‘goal setting’ is coupled with nervousness, fear, and excitement.
So, I’m not saying don’t write goals down; I’m saying write them all down when it comes to reaching professional and personal goals. And then, be satisfied with the first step because you took the time to figure out what is meaningful to you.
Next, we’ll look at the fundamental flaws trying to hold all of us back before we tackle how to overcome them.
2. Fundamental Flaw #1:
What’s wrong with ‘I will be happy when I lose 10 kilos….’?
Because the result isn’t instant; it’s way off in the future and we are not built to have lasting discomfort/ Our mind is designed to keep us safe at all times!
Here’s the perfect example when trying to lose weight:
Instant Discomfort: eating less immediately. However, feeling better and looking slim isn’t going to show up for weeks or months.
So, we want this thing (being slim), but unless the weight is threatening our life, the mind sees it as a vague request, and in the future. So, we might say to ourselves, ‘I’ll do this later on’.
Another example: I’ll be happy when I buy a prestige car at least once in my lifetime!
We see that car everywhere initially, but after a few months, we return to the same emotional point, meaning our happiness, when tied to something external, will rarely last.
That hollowness will sooner or later demand that you understand it and is, in fact, demanding to be understood.
This is called WILLPOWER IMBALANCE….
The realization that happiness lies within us, irrespective of where we are, and deep work is needed to uncover it. Move forward knowing that you can choose happiness, so find happiness at each step of your goal journey. Celebrate the smallest of victories and watch your goals get closer.
3. Fundamental Flaw #2:
With the common example, ‘I will be happy when I pay my house off in the future’, what we really want to know is: Are we capable of maintaining bank payments?
And when we have enough confidence in our capability of achieving that, then not only this worry but other material insecurities will go away.
But how crazy is it that we let our current happiness affect something that will happen 20-30 years from now? We must get it through our heads that enthusiasm wears off so quickly because it is almost always tied to an external item or person.
First off, stop connecting your happiness to objects and others. Next…
In most cases, excitement or superficial willpower last 7 days, in some cases 7 weeks, and in rare cases 7 months or longer. It’s the same concept with happiness tied to an object or person.
It’s time to look within at the real feelings or emotions that makes us behave this way and make positive self-changes.
4. Fundamental Flaw #3:
Let’s say we keep telling ourselves we need to lose weight for a party or Wedding. The reality is we want to look good in photographs or impress someone that we haven’t seen in a while.
Once the wedding is over, hands up if chocolate or every piece of bread in the house calls your name out loud.
There we are again – Up that creek, in that canoe, without a paddle yet, again!
The truth is, it’s not a highly motivating thing because it is somebody else’s wedding. And our minds know that it’s not life-threatening, so it will fail to maintain the goal.
Why? Because we are looking again externally.
Result – we end up further discouraged, putting weight back on, and we feel more unhappy than ever.
Let’s STOP comparing our worst to other people’s best. (You should probably read that one again)
The real comparison is YOU vs. YOU and becoming better versions of ourselves.
The reality is, you won’t feel better, today, when you pay the house off because it’s 20 years in the future, and the insecurity is within you now. See, IMBALANCE!
STRESS is NOT the ‘activity around or near us’ but the attitude to ‘the reaction to activity around us’…
And the reaction is internal for us.
Bad news, if this is our current state, no matter how shiny your goals are, it will stay like this, leading to the 3 enemies: procrastination, stress, and self-sabotage …unless we do something about it.
The good news, we can change it as we created it. We only need to know the right system.
Find your ‘Why’
We live in a ‘how to’ culture. The only reason we don’t succeed is that we have not found a better method.
‘How to‘ culture ignores the fundamental truth – it ignores our ‘Why’.
‘How to’ will not work because we need to change to become someone else in the future.
Self-sabotage starts because then we feel we can’t do it. So, we forgo the goal and settle for the extra piece of chocolate.
What happens then?
Taste of chocolate lasts: 30 seconds
But the body pays for it for at least 72 hours. (sh&^*est deal on the planet)
But the urge to fail is so strong that we can rarely avoid it. The only move, in this case, would be not to keep chocolate in the pantry.
Then Stress takes over because we failed, and in this example, we worry about putting on too much weight from a single piece of chocolate.
However, the more you turn within, you will uncover the person you need to be and what is driving you. You can figure out what you are feeling so crappy about. That’s when you start to recognize internal drivers. You become empowered.
And when we can say, ‘I like who I am becoming’….and not ‘I am dieting,’ or ‘I will plan for the future, but I will not base my happiness, today, on 20 years from now,’ you already become a different person immediately and not in the future.
5. The 3 Zones
When most of us start on something new (e.g.: learn Spanish), most people start within:
1. Excitement zone
a. Last several days to weeks, depending on willpower
2. Then we enter the ‘Danger Zone’:
a. this is where the 3 enemies (nasty dream stealers) turn up when enthusiasm wears off:
3. ‘Easy Zone’
- Anything we decide to do, i.e., maintain willpower or enter the Danger Zone
Either way, it’s easy to give up and go back to old habits, or it becomes easy to continue with the newly formed habit. I prefer the latter since this is where breakthroughs and magic happen.
Most everything new you will try will lead you to the Danger Zone. What you will feel is:
1. I am struggling
2. Not having enough fun
Now we need strategies to keep going. So, start saying, ‘I am enjoying this because I can see who I will become,’ and not feel or say to us, ‘why is this not working?’. It is critically important that we replace ‘ugly’ feelings with ‘let’s keep moving forward’ feelings.
And remain vigilantly healthy while doing this because every mood-altering substance (alcohol, drugs) or activity (inaction) leaves a nasty track later.
What don’t we make into a habit is going to kill us? Brutal? Yes, I didn’t mean that literally, but what I meant was not living fully will take the joy out of our life. It takes time to create a habit. This goes for bad and good habits, so choose wisely.
6. Understanding the 3 Enemies
And now, we are in a perfect position to understand the 3 enemies and how we can recognize them from afar.
Hands up if you are a gold-level contender for ‘procrastination’ at a national level.
1. Is your procrastination the result of bad habits or poor time management?
2. Is your procrastination the result of emotional causes like fear of failure or pressure to succeed, causing you to feel anxious?
3. Is your procrastination the result of being so relaxed you just live in the moment and ‘go with the flow’?
In what way does it show up in your life?
What beliefs trigger self-sabotage?
What feeling did the self-sabotaging behaviour make go away?
How could you respond in a more appropriate way that would help you get what you want?
What would be better than what are you doing now?
What don’t you want to do?
What’s going to help you, in most cases, is doing what you most likely don’t want to do….that could be the biggest obstacle stopping you from reaching your goals. Did you know that you’d be a long way down the track in resolving the situation if you only did this one thing that you’ve been dreading?
It’s vitally important to understand that stress is 100% self-induced, i.e., Internal.
What are the main stresses in your life right now?
What are the things that you are letting get to you?
What are you doing to make it worse?
What permanent changes are necessary if you are to reach your goals?
Maybe you think it’s a lifestyle change that is probably the only thing that will work if all else has failed over the last 5 or 10 or 15, or 20 years.
7. Characteristics of the 3 Enemies and Solutions
Characteristics of procrastination, stress, and self-sabotage:
1. They do not respond to logic! (100% illogical)
2. You cannot also threaten yourself out of these 3 enemies. Threats don’t work, and neither do promises.
3. They are compulsive and irresistible (chocolate calling from the pantry).
a. Hands up if you ate something and if you were eating something, your mind was saying ‘don’t eat it’ but you still did….?
b. Do urges or emotions win every single time?
– For Procrastination: turn inward and continue with willpower
– For Self-Sabotage: start a mindfulness practice
– For Stress: start meditation
The good news, now you know what you need to do.
Bad news, it won’t work unless you make it a habit or enlist the services of a Coach to keep you accountable. (Yes, I can help, like I have helped others).
What is procrastination? – Fear of failure (the trigger usually from unaccomplished goals)
Self-sabotage? Fear of success (Need to replace this with something else, that’s the key)
Stress? Low emotional intelligence (taking it personally)
Hands up if YOU are Gold Medal contenders in this category. (I was!)
Have the power over chocolate vs. chocolate having power over you!
Discipline: sometimes takes 6 or 12 months or more but once done….it is set for life!
Now, you don’t need me to tell you that compulsions are running your life, and more than 40% of what we do is habits! If we don’t do something and you have been on this for years, self-loathing only increases.
The longer you take, the harder it gets. The older you get, your energy levels go down, and so on.
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About the Author:
Gagan Gupta is a Clarity Coach who suffered from sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety after being laid off last year. Gagan ultimately changed his life around, and now his mission is to ‘Save one Gagan at a time’.
Gagan now works with:
People who are either 9-5ers or have been laid-off, unhappy with their current state, want to be empowered and become solopreneurs but are unsure of their passion, next steps, can’t Overcome Self-sabotage, or are unable to find the courage to do so…
Also, Gagan teaches what steps you need to take to pursue your true passion. Gagan himself is living proof as he used the same method on himself to become a successful Clarity Coach!
His full story is on his website (www.redundanttoabundant.com).
Schedule a call with Gagan now as he’s offering 5 X FREE 60 min sessions (Valued at $350) to Tips from Tia customers to discuss the solutions provided in this article in detail or any other related topics.
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1. 3-5 Simple and Tiny Action Steps that…
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