Dealing with the breakdown of any relationship can be difficult – especially when you have invested a great deal of time and energy into the other person. Therefore, regardless of the circumstances of the breakup – be that infidelity or lifestyle changes, you must take the time you need to process your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and begin on the path of recovery.
With that in mind, here are some top tips for dealing with a breakup.
Know that you are not alone.
When you have spent most of your time with a partner, to suddenly be thrust apart can leave you feeling terribly isolated or alone. However, it’s important to remember that this simply isn’t the case – and that there is always somebody that you can reach out to – be that a friend, family member, or even a therapist. While you may be keen to spend some time alone, know that people who love and care about you are just a phone call away.
Be prepared to deal with any legalities.
Unfortunately, breakups are often made more complicated by certain legalities that have to be dealt with. For example, if you were married, divorce proceedings mean that you cannot simply cut your ex-partner out of your life and never have to think about them again. The same applies if you bought a property together or live together. Therefore, you should prepare yourself for any legal proceedings or issues that may come your way. Thankfully, there are various ways in which you can go about making this process easier. For example, you can read this blog on How to Solve the 2 Problems Everyone Has With Divorce ahead of time to make the process as stress-free as possible.
Don’t dwell on the past.
In the days, weeks, and even months that follow your breakup, it’s likely that you’ll spend a lot of time thinking about the past, reliving happy memories you shared before things got difficult, or wondering if your relationship could be fixed if you worked a little harder. While this is a perfectly natural response to loss, you mustn’t dwell in the past. Instead, find a way to look forward to the future. Remember, the past will continue to haunt you so long as you give it permission to do so.
Have some time alone.
With dating apps making it easier than ever to jump right back into the world of dating after a breakup, it’s important that you do not try to rush into a relationship. Instead, take some time to appreciate being alone. Start dating yourself, go out for a meal at your favorite restaurants, re-engage with your hobbies or interests. Do things for yourself for a change. This will allow you to heal and learn more about yourself in the process. This means that you will enter a new relationship when you are ready to do so and are no longer holding onto things that used to hurt you. This will also allow you to be more realistic about romantic love.
Getting married for most people is the happiest day of their life. However, if you now look back at this moment and feel like you barely recognize the couple you were on that special day, you may think that your relationship has come to an end. Divorce is never something anyone should enter into lightly. To make sure this is the right decision, there are some key questions you should ask yourself. This includes the following…
Have you made your concerns about the relationship clear to your partner?
This is the first question you have asked yourself before going to divorce lawyers. Often, we are guilty of assuming that our partner knows what the issue is. We take for granted the fact that people cannot read our minds! While you may assume that the problems are evident, your partner may not feel the same way. You need to spell it out. Make it clear to your partner what the issues are so that you can both be on the same page. Perhaps your partner has not been trying to improve the relationship because he or she does not realize that there is an issue to begin with? Or, they believe the problem lies elsewhere?
Do you care about what other people think about you?
A lot of people want a divorce but they do not get one because they are worried that they will look like a failure. Do not jeopardize your own happiness because you are fretting about what other people think!
What is your biggest fear with regards to ending the relationship?
So, you are thinking about getting a divorce, but you haven’t done so yet. This means that there is something that is holding you back and making you unsure. What do you worry about in terms of ending the relationship? Do you fear that you will never find anyone else? Do you worry about not having that comfort blanket of being in a relationship? Perhaps you fear that you will have to sell your home and you won’t have enough money on your own? You need to address these fears and get to the bottom of what you are really worried about.
Do you still love him or her?
This is an important question, but it does not directly give you the answer to whether divorce is the right option or not. After all, sometimes love is not enough. You may love your partner, yet divorce still may be the best solution for both of you. There are lots of different reasons why people decide they need to separate, but your emotions cannot be switched off. Establishing your love is a good starting point for figuring out what you really want to do.
Would you really be happier if you were no longer with your partner?
We have all heard the saying about the grass being greener. However, you need to really think about what you are going to be giving up. You should make a list of everything you will lose by not being in a relationship, for example, companionship and joint parenting. Once you have put together this list, you should look at it and ask yourself, am I willing to give this up? Will I be happier without all of this in the long run? You need to truly understand the difference between your current life and what your new life is going to be like before you make any final decisions.
Can A Marriage Ever Be The Same After It Gets Personal?
Marriages are supposed to be rock solid, at least in principle. The two people involved have to be able to throw verbal shots at each other and in the end, it’s all just in fun or positive critique. This is for things like, when your spouse is getting a little overweight and you have to say something otherwise you won’t be attractive to them anymore. It’s the same for when you are acting like a jerk at a party, and your spouse needs to remind you to behave. Things like this should always fall into the realm of ‘safe’ critique. But when things get personal, this can lead to the end of the road.
When your work is mocked
Perhaps more so for women in the modern age than men, when your job or profession is mocked by your spouse, it can tear a rift between you. Women and men are very sensitive about their work, and the only kind of words they want from their wife or husband are supportive. When your spouse starts to mock your working hours, how dedicated you are, how much time you spend doing work at home, this can lead to big differences.
Imagine being so passionate about something that you dedicate your life to it, and then, your wife starts to make it seem like what you do is unimportant. Or how about when you have gotten a big promotion that you have dreamed of, and your husband says ‘you love your job more than the marriage’? This is something that cannot be taken any other way, other than personal. Don’t do this if you want to have a nice marriage!
This next one is pretty easy to understand, yet difficult to pick up when it’s you in the middle. It’s normal to sort of hit each other, but in a playful or nonchalant want. When your husband just won’t pick his feet up so you can vacuum under the table, then you can give him a little pinch on his feet or leg. That’s normal. But, when you are pinched really hard for not doing something they wanted, such as at parties or while out in public. This is abuse.
When it gets worse and you are being punched, kicked, scratched or otherwise, then you should consider calling Divorce Lawyers. They will build up a case of the pressure you have been under and make any family court judge consider you when it comes to child custody. If you want to consider child support, then call up the lawyers and ask them what they could do for you.
When your partner is constantly dragging you down on your appearance, this is either something you should take for a complaint, or something personal. It depends on how many times they do this. If you know you’re overweight, then consider losing weight. But when you are doing great, keeping fit and taking care of yourself but they are still nitpicking, this is something that is personal and beyond what a lover should do.
Marriage is never something to be taken for granted and when things get personal, it can often spell the end. So avoid doing these things, or spot them when they are happening to you.
Marriage is hard, plain and simple. Even couples who are very much in love struggle to grapple with the longevity of their relationship, even when on the outside they appear incandescently happy all the time. Unhappiness comes and goes in marriages, even happy ones – the key is how we deal with these waves of discontent. In some marriage or long term partnerships, people deal with their unhappiness by having affairs. No matter what the issue, we can all agree that cheating is a big mistake. Yet according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 15% of women and 25% of men in marriages have had affairs. So what’s the solution? Can a marriage recover from an affair, or is it game over?
The answer to this lies purely in the couple’s ability to tackle their issues head-on. When infidelity occurs, on either side or even sometimes on both sides, the heartbreak can feel too raw and too much of a betrayal to continue with the relationship. Hence, couples split up over affairs. However, there is a chance that as a couple, you can emerge from this painful point in your marriage as stronger and more unified than ever. The way you must do this is by tackling your problems head-on. If you decide to stay in the marriage and work on things, there is a danger of letting yourselves slip back into old patterns – the patterns which created the environment in which the affair happened. Changing the fabric of your relationship is the only solution.
Laying It All Out On The Table
When a major breach of trust has occurred, nothing is off the table. It’s time to get all your feelings out in the open. Only after the truth is out can you begin to heal as a couple. This can be a very vulnerable process which hurts a lot. Here are a few ways to deal with this healthily.
Couple therapy. It is highly advisable that you see a couples therapist when trying to heal from an affair. This is because therapists are skilled mediators; they can help you to communicate with each other in a structured space. This means that all the emotions that will pour out can be taken in properly, and used to fortify your relationship, rather than further break it down. Affair recovery for couples is a long, hard road, but with a mediator, things are easier.
Spending time alone. Even if you decide to stay together, it is helpful for your personal recuperation to spend more time apart than usual. This helps you clear your head and understand what it is you truly feel, and what you want.
Writing things down. If you are struggling to articulate what you feel, write a letter to your spouse. Let all your feelings pour onto the page; this is very cathartic and can help you express your true feelings.
In conclusion: marriages can recover from affairs with careful guidance and commitment to changing how your relationship operates. There is still hope!
Divorce is becoming increasingly common in modern society. No matter how you feel about this sort of process, it’s likely that this trend will continue into the future. Going through a divorce is often looked at an experience shared by two people, though it will usually impact far more people than just you and your ex-partner. It’s always worth thinking about the way this decision could affect those you care about, ensuring that you have the opportunity to minimize the problems this could cause.
Parents with children always have to think about how a divorce could impact their little ones. Kids won’t want you to go through this, and it will be very difficult to explain why it’s happening. It’s worth being honest with them as much as you can, without saying anything negative about their other parent. The effects of divorce on children can be quite severe, lasting long into their future. Working hard to have a civil and argument-free divorce is the best approach to take when you have children in the middle of this.
Parents, siblings, and other close family members will also be impacted by the divorce you go through. It’s common for people to build good relationships with their in-laws, despite the impressive that television gives. This can make it a little awkward for people to talk about the divorce, while also creating potential tension in the future if family members want to maintain their friendship with your ex. This doesn’t have to be horrible if you are open to being friends with your old partner.
Couples always end up sharing friends, and this is a nice process that builds lasting circles. When you decide to go through a divorce, though, it can make it difficult for those who see themselves as good friends to both you and your partner. You should avoid saying negative things about your partner around people like this as much as you can, while also working to avoid awkwardness if you ever find yourself invited to the same events.
While it may seem obvious, many people fail to think about themselves properly when they decide to go through a divorce. You have to make sure that you’re ready to go out into the world on your own again, planning for the new life you will be leading. There will be challenges to face, but you can usually make the process much easier for yourself and your ex-partner by working to have a smooth divorce.
With all of this in mind, you should be feeling ready to take on the challenge of minimize the impact your divorce has on the people around you. A lot of people struggle with this sort of process, finding it hard to know what action to take at each stage. Of course, though, you know the people you care about, and this should be a great tool when you’re trying to avoid hurting them.
The end of a marriage is an emotionally turbulent time, to say the very least. It can feel like your life is getting turned upside down and it can be hard to keep hold of yourself without stress tearing you in a bunch of different directions. However, it’s not impossible to get through it in one piece.
Don’t sacrifice long-term happiness for short-term goals
If you’re feeling hurt during a divorce, it’s easy to want to hurt your ex-partner back. Sometimes, the ways that you hurt them might also hurt people close to you, such as your friends or children. You may force people to pick sides and end up jeopardizing your own relationships. Try to manage your priorities and think about where you’re going to be after the divorce, not just in the immediate future. The urge to seek revenge or some sort of compensation can be very strong, indeed, but you shouldn’t put it above your needs for a healthy and happy life past the divorce.
If you can, keep things civil
Emotions might be running high, but unless one partner is fully at fault for the divorce, such as in the result on infidelity, you should try to keep those emotions out of the actual legal process. For instance, instance of taking them to court, you could look for divorce mediation in your area. The urge to make things combative and to get yours might be strong, but you should take the time to think about what you want not just for yourself after the divorce, but what you really want for your ex-partner. Is hurting them more important than protecting everyone involved?
Handle your children with care
Arguing over the kids as a couple is going to strain everyone’s familial relationships. Unless your ex-partner is genuinely a threat to your children, you should hope that everyone has a better relationship after the divorce. As such, let a lawyer for child custody take care of the legal battle surrounding the children. Most importantly, try to explain to your children what is happening without trying to win them over to your side. Weaponizing your kids during a divorce is literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship and their emotional health.
Anticipate the worst
You’re going to be dealing with some ugly emotions and you might not only hate your ex-partner at times, you might find some self-hatred in there. Managing your divorce as best as possible can help you move on from those feelings, but you should also expect anger from your ex.If you’re not prepared for their own negative reactions, you can find yourself getting caught off guard and being dragged into an unhealthy back and forth. Knowing what to expect can help you simply abide it and keep working for a healthier conclusion.
It’s important to make sure you get legal help where you need, emotional support when you need, and to not mix up the divorce with your relationships with children and friends. Think not just about the divorce, but about what comes after, as well.
My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)
Season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been confirmed! This however, is my personal take on Midge continuing to make poor decisions on her romantic life. *WARNING: There are spoilers of season 3 ahead.
We all love Midge Maisel. She’s smart, pretty and
witty as hell. However, no hat in the world can hide the fact that her love
life is a mess. She’s got her choice in fine looking men, of course. But her
decisions showcase what a lot of us do wrong today.
First, lets take a look at the ex-husband, Joel Maisel…
Joel is a hardworking man who steps up to take care of his kids. Kudos, Joel! There should be more of that in the world. But when we take a deeper look into Joel’s ability to love, that’s when things get little wonky. Joel was married to Midge, living the American Dream: A beautiful family, a fabulous apartment in the societies of NYC and he had an executive job. He also had a supporting wife, who not only encouraged him to proceed with his adoring hobby for comedy, but also provided briskets to make sure he got good time slots.
However, poor Joel is still missing something.
There’s a hole in him he can’t explain, so it must be Midget’s fault he doesn’t feel complete—We’ve all seen Jerry McGuire, right? So, like most humans, who are feeling worthless and choose to blame others for their lack of self-worth, Joel decides an affair with his secretary, Penny, will fill that void.
Spoiler alert, after leaving his family for Penny, Joel still has a hole and wants Midge back.
Joel is like so many people. He refuses to look inward
to discover what’s really missing. So, until he does that, Joel will continue
to be the guy who is always missing the ‘one who got away’. Don’t believe what
I’m saying? Look at my quick cliff notes of Season 3…
has a box of unclaimed lipstick next to his bed.
pines over missing Midge, even when he meets Mei.
starts dating Mei, but flies off to Vegas to be with his ‘true love’, Midge.
marries Midge again while dating Mei. The next morning, he tells Midge they’re
going to have to get a divorce because he’s got a girlfriend.
home, he and Mei break up, to where he is now free to be with his ‘wife’, his
true love, Midge. But instead, he tells Midge he and the kids can’t come to
Miami for the weekend. Then, Joel proceeds to walk downstairs into the
underground casino and give an awkward confession on how much he cares about Mei.
Yes, just like Susie said to Joel in Season 3, Joel will
always love Midge and will want to make sure she is taken care of. That is
undoubtedly true. He wants to make sure she and his kids don’t struggle in
life. But by the end of the season, Joel is practically cheating on both Midge
and Mei, if we’re getting technical.
Moral: It’s not you; it’s Joel.
If I had a PhD, I could totally get away with blaming
his behavior on something that happened to him as a child. I could hold
accountable Joel’s mother, Shirley, and her erratic behavior or negligent trust
issues, but since I’m not, I’ll just leave diagnosis to the professionals.
Here’s what we do know, Midge is Joel’s forever ‘one that got away’, but until
he can love himself, he has no business trying to be in a committed
Next, we will take a look at Lenny Bruce…
The sexual tension is high when it comes to Midge and that man. We’ve all been there. That’s why we all love Lenny so much. A sexy bad-boy type that draws you in and can make chemical reactions happen within your body. What’s completely unique and unusual about this type of guy is the fact that they can look unkept, un-showered and underachieving and still have this magnetic pull on you, …and half the population.
1. They have the talent to be abrasive, without being too cold.
2. They have enough sense to make you feel wanted for the night, but don’t get any other ideas, please.
3. They have perfected ‘love’em and leave’.
But every once in a blue moon… these primal creatures of habit, fall in love. Hence, Lenny Bruce appears to have fallen head over heels for our dear, Midge. And why shouldn’t he? She bailed him out of jail. She held his hand, twice, when he was filming those TV shows. Midge makes Lenny a better person. But I ask this question… what does Lenny do for Midge?
After seeing the responses trend on Twitter for Midge and Lenny to become the ‘it’ couple, I realized, so many hopeless romantics still believe they can be ‘the one to change him’. Or in this case, Midge can change Lenny.
Spoiler Alert: She can’t change him.
Only Lenny can change himself. Lenny is an inspiration to Midge in the sense of comedy. But here’s the hard truth… That’s probably it. What else can Lenny offer Midge but a good time and heartbreak? I may be speculating, but Lenny, also like Joel, is missing self-worth. He drinks like a fish, enjoys getting arrested and has no intentions of the white picket fence lifestyle. Plus, he hasn’t given Midge any other reasons to question that.
The moral: Lenny is a great guy; people like this usually are.
But it’s important for Midge to know herself. She likes expensive things and needs to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Expecting Lenny to be willing and able to keep up with her and her expectations is probably unfair of her. Lenny’s a one-of-a-kind, friend. He’s the type of guy that you will love completely from a distance, and perhaps, in a parallel universe, you could have possibly been together.
But if you look at it face value, it’s probably better to love from afar than to hate up close. Opposites do attract, but too opposite can cause division. I love Lenny. I know a handful of Lenny’s. But I will love them from where I stand because I know myself and know, maybe from experience, that I’m not the one who’s going to be able to change them.
And finally, Benjamin…
Every mother’s favorite man for their daughter to be with. But like most daughters, Midge doesn’t want him. Why? He’s good-looking, has no money issues and has a really great job. Well, this is where I suggest Midge needs to take a look at herself—Not because Benjamin looks good on paper, or because her parents liked him, but because she did.
And let’s not forget, Benjamin supported Midge with her career. He believes she’s amazing at what she does. He thinks she’s the funniest woman on earth. Besides Susie, Benjamin was one of her biggest fans. He didn’t mind being material for her comedy. But instead of talking to him about her worries of future resentment, Midge leaves him without the courtesy of a face to face conversation—Bad job, Midge.
As humans, things that are good for us, scare the living crap out of us. People are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if you found out, there is no shoe?
Spoiler alert: You’ve been worried about things, this whole time, and there was never a shoe that could possibly drop to begin with.
Yes, we all deserve better than what we’ve been aiming for when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether you’ve been married to your partner for decades or you’re still swiping to find your soulmate, this pertains to all of us. Like Benjamin, we deserve that person who will have the conversations with us, instead of predicting they already know how the conversation will go. We also deserve to be thatperson for someone else, as well—Some of us forget to look in the mirror sometimes when picking out other’s faults.
The lifelong question of ‘Does life imitate art or does art imitate life’
This question swirls in everyone’s mind, from time to time. But these hidden, or not so hidden, love-life issues showcased in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel hit very close to the real factors that cause an increased number of divorces today. It’s not about her own personal women’s movement, or the climb to success and having to choose one thing or another… It’s about knowing who you are, having self-worth, having self-love, giving love, receiving love and communication.
Sure. It’s all very hard to do at first. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. And there would be no one with these impossible love-life issues. The only thing we can do as humans is keep trying to better ourselvesevery day. Practice makes perfect. So, why not? Go buy a hat or invest in some drop-less shoes. But while you’re doing that, take a look inside yourself and see what needs your attention. You can certainly do that while you wait for the next season of Mrs. Maisel.
In many cases, a lot of relationships can become strange experiences which are separate from the rest of the world. You can easily end up living in a kind of bubble together, and – while that can be nice – it can also be quite dangerous or damaging. Before you know it, you are too codependent, and you find that there is no room to breathe. There is a balance to be found here, and it is symbolized in the fact that such relationships will generally then need to seek out some outside help for their relationship to work as well as possible. In this article, we will look at some of the occasions when that outside help is going to be helpful in a relationship, and might be worth considering.
Sometimes, you will need therapy. That could be because something is going wrong, or one of you is unhappy without knowing why, or it might be that something huge has happened which has affected you both and therefore the relationship itself. If you feel that therapy is needed, then you should allow each other the space to engage with that – and if it is couples’ therapy you are looking for, then it is especially important to do so, and particularly to find a therapist that you can both be happy with. When therapy is needed in a relationship, it is important to seek it out, and to allow some time for things to settle as you do so. It could be the best thing you ever did as a couple.
Even once you have separated from a person, there can often be the need for some outside assistance to make things a little easier. That will generally be because there is some kind of disagreement surrounding the terms of the separation, and that can be something that really gets in the way. If you have children, for instance, you might need to seek out an experienced family lawyer to help you work through your visitation and so on, so that is something to be aware of. Even after separation this kind of outside help can be really helpful, and in fact most couples need that more at this time than at any other time while they were together.
When Space Is Needed
Sometimes, people in a relationship just need space from each other. The truth is that this is a perfectly ordinary and healthy thing to need, and it is important to make sure that you can allow it for each other. But if you are struggling to do that, you might want to seek out the help of a good friend, even if it is a mutual friend, who can likely offer some advice and assistance. They might even be able to help by offering a place to stay for a while, should that be necessary. As you can see, there are many ways in which such a person might help, should this become important.
Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. The world you knew is crumbling around you, while there are all kinds of legal and financial things that need to be dealt with. Having a good lawyer can help to put your mind at rest, at least where the legal side is concerned. Mediation services like Buncombe mediation can also help to take the stress off.
But what about the emotional side of divorce? While all of the technicalities are getting dealt with, it’s critical to take time for self-care and reflection. Everyone’s divorce situation is unique and each of us handles these challenges differently. If you’re feeling down, stressed or tense due to divorce, spending time to care for yourself will leave you much better off in the long run.
Talking it through
Help make this messy process easier to cope with by understanding some of the mental effects of divorce. It’s totally understandable for you to feel sad, angry, depressed, lost or any other combination of emotions right now. Give yourself time and space to feel what you are feeling. Don’t be tempted to hide your emotions away or suppress them with drink, drugs, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Instead, turn to friends, family, or specially trained professionals who can help you to navigate your way through this maze of tangled emotions. It can help to tell friends and family exactly how you’d like to be supported, as these times can be hard for them to navigate, too. Let them know what will help you.
Remember if you feel that the divorce is affecting your mental health, it’s important to speak to a therapist who can help you to cope. There may be support groups you can go to where you can share exactly how you’re feeling with people who are going through the same thing.
Going easy on yourself
You might be finding it hard to concentrate on other things or spending a lot of time going over the situation in your head. You may even be feeling guilty or having negative thoughts about yourself. It’s natural to feel this way when you’re going through emotional challenges, but try to be kind to yourself.
Practicing self-compassion or mindfulness techniques can help you to see things from a different perspective. You could boost your self-confidence by writing a list of all of the things that you like about yourself or any compliments you’ve received that have stuck with you. Gratitude journals can also be a great way of maintaining a positive outlook, as it can help you to see the little things worth celebrating despite the heartache you’re going through.
It’s no secret that exercise is great for mental health and overall wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence might have taken a dive during this time. It’s natural to want to hide away when you feel stressed or down. But you can boost your endorphins and your self-image by making time for exercise you enjoy. This could be a challenge you set yourself to take your mind off things. Alternatively, you could take up a new sport or activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a sense of excitement and accomplishment could give you a little boost when things seem hopeless and remind you there are new things on the horizon.
You hope that the worst case scenario should never happen and of course, for most of us it that will not, but every so often the unexpected can and will happen in life and that’s why being prepared for these unexpected situations is necessary for wherever you are.
You might suddenly find yourself facing a long term illness or in the middle of a situation where you require some professional advice, for example a legal dispute with an employee over employment terms or with a neighbour over land ownership. With any of these situations you want advice from the best and you want to make sure your money is going as far as it can for great results.
That’s why you’ll find everything you need in this guide on how to get the very best in legal advice when you need it most and what to look for when hiring a lawyer, whether that’s for something for work or for when you’re in need of a divorce lawyer. We take a look at what makes the best legal representation for your very individual situation and and some of the pitfalls you’ll need to avoid. Whatever your legal needs are you’ll find the lowdown on hiring right here.
Word Of Mouth
Who’s on the grapevine as being the best in the business? Once you start looking for someone to represent you, you soon start hearing from everyone, from the local postman to the receptionist at the gym about someone they’ve used or heard about from a friend. Take a note of these names, if one or two keep cropping up then it may be worth getting in touch for an initial consultation.
Ask your friends, family and fellow professionals for some recommendations too, having a personal introduction can help oil the wheels and make the process of appointing someone a whole lot easier.
Read reviews online and find out their success rate, which should be a matter of public record. You’ll also want to make sure that the lawyer is someone who specialises in your particular issue, rather than a general practitioner.
Take your time in in finding the very best in advice and in finding someone you feel can handle your case and all the complexities that go with it. You may need to talk to one or two or even more lawyers before you decide on appointing someone, and depending on the size of your case they may be able to handle it solo or need some help from someone else in their firm. Make sure you know all the details of how this will work before you sign up.
If you’re worried about wasting your time and money on initial consultations that don’t lead anywhere, most lawyers will give you enough time to explain their case, around 15-30 minutes, before they start charging by the hour, so make sure to go in fully prepared with the facts of your case and any questions you might have.
As mentioned up post if you’re interested in one particular firm, then you should be able to find out a fair amount about them from the public record. You will be able to see the success rate of the individual lawyer and how well they are rated by individual clients.
If the practice has several lawyers, find out which one seems to have more experience in your particular type of case and ask to meet with them first rather than someone you just find yourself assigned to. You need to know that your case will be taken seriously and if you are going to be able to strike up good communication with whoever is taking it on.
You’re going to need someone experienced and yet hungry to make a win. If you feel that your lawyer is too laid back or gives the impression that they’ve seen it all, failing to reassure you then avoid this lawyer.
Similarly, avoid anyone that promises you a big win. Instead find someone who is measured and calm and who you feel can be honest with you about how the case will run and what the chances are of it going the way you want. Find that right mix of determination and level-headedness and you’ll have someone fighting your corner who stands every chance of winning your case for you. If the worst does happen and you do lose, then with the right lawyer you’ll know they tried their best and that the loss wasn’t through lack of trying.
The one thing we would say is that lawyers don’t come cheap so whether the matter is personal or professional you’ll want to have a very realistic picture of how much this service is going to cost you overall.
A lawyer usually charges clients by the hour though you may find some will offer a flat fee or even be happy to wait until the end of the case and collect a percentage of any damages and their legal fees if paid by the opposition. Make sure you are very clear with your legal representative on how the fee charging process will work and even let them know your top end of the budget.
You may well have room to compromise with something like an upfront payment to start out with and then the rest coming in the form of a successful pay out. This will depend on how confident your lawyer is of the case going in your favour. You might also want to explore the possibility of legal aid and legal loans to cover the ongoing expenses.
The money can very quickly disappear so keep on top of your billing as you move through the consultation to trial proceedings.