The end of a marriage is an emotionally turbulent time, to say the very least. It can feel like your life is getting turned upside down and it can be hard to keep hold of yourself without stress tearing you in a bunch of different directions. However, it’s not impossible to get through it in one piece.
If you’re feeling hurt during a divorce, it’s easy to want to hurt your ex-partner back. Sometimes, the ways that you hurt them might also hurt people close to you, such as your friends or children. You may force people to pick sides and end up jeopardizing your own relationships. Try to manage your priorities and think about where you’re going to be after the divorce, not just in the immediate future. The urge to seek revenge or some sort of compensation can be very strong, indeed, but you shouldn’t put it above your needs for a healthy and happy life past the divorce.
If you can, keep things civil
Emotions might be running high, but unless one partner is fully at fault for the divorce, such as in the result on infidelity, you should try to keep those emotions out of the actual legal process. For instance, instance of taking them to court, you could look for divorce mediation in your area. The urge to make things combative and to get yours might be strong, but you should take the time to think about what you want not just for yourself after the divorce, but what you really want for your ex-partner. Is hurting them more important than protecting everyone involved?
Handle your children with care
Arguing over the kids as a couple is going to strain everyone’s familial relationships. Unless your ex-partner is genuinely a threat to your children, you should hope that everyone has a better relationship after the divorce. As such, let a lawyer for child custody take care of the legal battle surrounding the children. Most importantly, try to explain to your children what is happening without trying to win them over to your side. Weaponizing your kids during a divorce is literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship and their emotional health.
Anticipate the worst
You’re going to be dealing with some ugly emotions and you might not only hate your ex-partner at times, you might find some self-hatred in there. Managing your divorce as best as possible can help you move on from those feelings, but you should also expect anger from your ex.If you’re not prepared for their own negative reactions, you can find yourself getting caught off guard and being dragged into an unhealthy back and forth. Knowing what to expect can help you simply abide it and keep working for a healthier conclusion.
It’s important to make sure you get legal help where you need, emotional support when you need, and to not mix up the divorce with your relationships with children and friends. Think not just about the divorce, but about what comes after, as well.
My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)
Season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been confirmed! This however, is my personal take on Midge continuing to make poor decisions on her romantic life. *WARNING: There are spoilers of season 3 ahead.
We all love Midge Maisel. She’s smart, pretty and
witty as hell. However, no hat in the world can hide the fact that her love
life is a mess. She’s got her choice in fine looking men, of course. But her
decisions showcase what a lot of us do wrong today.
First, lets take a look at the ex-husband, Joel Maisel…
Joel is a hardworking man who steps up to take care of his kids. Kudos, Joel! There should be more of that in the world. But when we take a deeper look into Joel’s ability to love, that’s when things get little wonky. Joel was married to Midge, living the American Dream: A beautiful family, a fabulous apartment in the societies of NYC and he had an executive job. He also had a supporting wife, who not only encouraged him to proceed with his adoring hobby for comedy, but also provided briskets to make sure he got good time slots.
However, poor Joel is still missing something.
There’s a hole in him he can’t explain, so it must be Midget’s fault he doesn’t feel complete—We’ve all seen Jerry McGuire, right? So, like most humans, who are feeling worthless and choose to blame others for their lack of self-worth, Joel decides an affair with his secretary, Penny, will fill that void.
Spoiler alert, after leaving his family for Penny, Joel still has a hole and wants Midge back.
Joel is like so many people. He refuses to look inward
to discover what’s really missing. So, until he does that, Joel will continue
to be the guy who is always missing the ‘one who got away’. Don’t believe what
I’m saying? Look at my quick cliff notes of Season 3…
has a box of unclaimed lipstick next to his bed.
pines over missing Midge, even when he meets Mei.
starts dating Mei, but flies off to Vegas to be with his ‘true love’, Midge.
marries Midge again while dating Mei. The next morning, he tells Midge they’re
going to have to get a divorce because he’s got a girlfriend.
home, he and Mei break up, to where he is now free to be with his ‘wife’, his
true love, Midge. But instead, he tells Midge he and the kids can’t come to
Miami for the weekend. Then, Joel proceeds to walk downstairs into the
underground casino and give an awkward confession on how much he cares about Mei.
Yes, just like Susie said to Joel in Season 3, Joel will
always love Midge and will want to make sure she is taken care of. That is
undoubtedly true. He wants to make sure she and his kids don’t struggle in
life. But by the end of the season, Joel is practically cheating on both Midge
and Mei, if we’re getting technical.
Moral: It’s not you; it’s Joel.
If I had a PhD, I could totally get away with blaming
his behavior on something that happened to him as a child. I could hold
accountable Joel’s mother, Shirley, and her erratic behavior or negligent trust
issues, but since I’m not, I’ll just leave diagnosis to the professionals.
Here’s what we do know, Midge is Joel’s forever ‘one that got away’, but until
he can love himself, he has no business trying to be in a committed
Next, we will take a look at Lenny Bruce…
The sexual tension is high when it comes to Midge and that man. We’ve all been there. That’s why we all love Lenny so much. A sexy bad-boy type that draws you in and can make chemical reactions happen within your body. What’s completely unique and unusual about this type of guy is the fact that they can look unkept, un-showered and underachieving and still have this magnetic pull on you, …and half the population.
1. They have the talent to be abrasive, without being too cold.
2. They have enough sense to make you feel wanted for the night, but don’t get any other ideas, please.
3. They have perfected ‘love’em and leave’.
But every once in a blue moon… these primal creatures of habit, fall in love. Hence, Lenny Bruce appears to have fallen head over heels for our dear, Midge. And why shouldn’t he? She bailed him out of jail. She held his hand, twice, when he was filming those TV shows. Midge makes Lenny a better person. But I ask this question… what does Lenny do for Midge?
After seeing the responses trend on Twitter for Midge and Lenny to become the ‘it’ couple, I realized, so many hopeless romantics still believe they can be ‘the one to change him’. Or in this case, Midge can change Lenny.
Spoiler Alert: She can’t change him.
Only Lenny can change himself. Lenny is an inspiration to Midge in the sense of comedy. But here’s the hard truth… That’s probably it. What else can Lenny offer Midge but a good time and heartbreak? I may be speculating, but Lenny, also like Joel, is missing self-worth. He drinks like a fish, enjoys getting arrested and has no intentions of the white picket fence lifestyle. Plus, he hasn’t given Midge any other reasons to question that.
The moral: Lenny is a great guy; people like this usually are.
But it’s important for Midge to know herself. She likes expensive things and needs to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Expecting Lenny to be willing and able to keep up with her and her expectations is probably unfair of her. Lenny’s a one-of-a-kind, friend. He’s the type of guy that you will love completely from a distance, and perhaps, in a parallel universe, you could have possibly been together.
But if you look at it face value, it’s probably better to love from afar than to hate up close. Opposites do attract, but too opposite can cause division. I love Lenny. I know a handful of Lenny’s. But I will love them from where I stand because I know myself and know, maybe from experience, that I’m not the one who’s going to be able to change them.
And finally, Benjamin…
Every mother’s favorite man for their daughter to be with. But like most daughters, Midge doesn’t want him. Why? He’s good-looking, has no money issues and has a really great job. Well, this is where I suggest Midge needs to take a look at herself—Not because Benjamin looks good on paper, or because her parents liked him, but because she did.
And let’s not forget, Benjamin supported Midge with her career. He believes she’s amazing at what she does. He thinks she’s the funniest woman on earth. Besides Susie, Benjamin was one of her biggest fans. He didn’t mind being material for her comedy. But instead of talking to him about her worries of future resentment, Midge leaves him without the courtesy of a face to face conversation—Bad job, Midge.
As humans, things that are good for us, scare the living crap out of us. People are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if you found out, there is no shoe?
Spoiler alert: You’ve been worried about things, this whole time, and there was never a shoe that could possibly drop to begin with.
Yes, we all deserve better than what we’ve been aiming for when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether you’ve been married to your partner for decades or you’re still swiping to find your soulmate, this pertains to all of us. Like Benjamin, we deserve that person who will have the conversations with us, instead of predicting they already know how the conversation will go. We also deserve to be thatperson for someone else, as well—Some of us forget to look in the mirror sometimes when picking out other’s faults.
The lifelong question of ‘Does life imitate art or does art imitate life’
This question swirls in everyone’s mind, from time to time. But these hidden, or not so hidden, love-life issues showcased in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel hit very close to the real factors that cause an increased number of divorces today. It’s not about her own personal women’s movement, or the climb to success and having to choose one thing or another… It’s about knowing who you are, having self-worth, having self-love, giving love, receiving love and communication.
Sure. It’s all very hard to do at first. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. And there would be no one with these impossible love-life issues. The only thing we can do as humans is keep trying to better ourselvesevery day. Practice makes perfect. So, why not? Go buy a hat or invest in some drop-less shoes. But while you’re doing that, take a look inside yourself and see what needs your attention. You can certainly do that while you wait for the next season of Mrs. Maisel.
In many cases, a lot of relationships can become strange experiences which are separate from the rest of the world. You can easily end up living in a kind of bubble together, and – while that can be nice – it can also be quite dangerous or damaging. Before you know it, you are too codependent, and you find that there is no room to breathe. There is a balance to be found here, and it is symbolized in the fact that such relationships will generally then need to seek out some outside help for their relationship to work as well as possible. In this article, we will look at some of the occasions when that outside help is going to be helpful in a relationship, and might be worth considering.
Sometimes, you will need therapy. That could be because something is going wrong, or one of you is unhappy without knowing why, or it might be that something huge has happened which has affected you both and therefore the relationship itself. If you feel that therapy is needed, then you should allow each other the space to engage with that – and if it is couples’ therapy you are looking for, then it is especially important to do so, and particularly to find a therapist that you can both be happy with. When therapy is needed in a relationship, it is important to seek it out, and to allow some time for things to settle as you do so. It could be the best thing you ever did as a couple.
Even once you have separated from a person, there can often be the need for some outside assistance to make things a little easier. That will generally be because there is some kind of disagreement surrounding the terms of the separation, and that can be something that really gets in the way. If you have children, for instance, you might need to seek out an experienced family lawyer to help you work through your visitation and so on, so that is something to be aware of. Even after separation this kind of outside help can be really helpful, and in fact most couples need that more at this time than at any other time while they were together.
When Space Is Needed
Sometimes, people in a relationship just need space from each other. The truth is that this is a perfectly ordinary and healthy thing to need, and it is important to make sure that you can allow it for each other. But if you are struggling to do that, you might want to seek out the help of a good friend, even if it is a mutual friend, who can likely offer some advice and assistance. They might even be able to help by offering a place to stay for a while, should that be necessary. As you can see, there are many ways in which such a person might help, should this become important.
Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. The world you knew is crumbling around you, while there are all kinds of legal and financial things that need to be dealt with. Having a good lawyer can help to put your mind at rest, at least where the legal side is concerned. Mediation services like Buncombe mediation can also help to take the stress off.
But what about the emotional side of divorce? While all of the technicalities are getting dealt with, it’s critical to take time for self-care and reflection. Everyone’s divorce situation is unique and each of us handles these challenges differently. If you’re feeling down, stressed or tense due to divorce, spending time to care for yourself will leave you much better off in the long run.
Talking it through
Help make this messy process easier to cope with by understanding some of the mental effects of divorce. It’s totally understandable for you to feel sad, angry, depressed, lost or any other combination of emotions right now. Give yourself time and space to feel what you are feeling. Don’t be tempted to hide your emotions away or suppress them with drink, drugs, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Instead, turn to friends, family, or specially trained professionals who can help you to navigate your way through this maze of tangled emotions. It can help to tell friends and family exactly how you’d like to be supported, as these times can be hard for them to navigate, too. Let them know what will help you.
Remember if you feel that the divorce is affecting your mental health, it’s important to speak to a therapist who can help you to cope. There may be support groups you can go to where you can share exactly how you’re feeling with people who are going through the same thing.
Going easy on yourself
You might be finding it hard to concentrate on other things or spending a lot of time going over the situation in your head. You may even be feeling guilty or having negative thoughts about yourself. It’s natural to feel this way when you’re going through emotional challenges, but try to be kind to yourself.
Practicing self-compassion or mindfulness techniques can help you to see things from a different perspective. You could boost your self-confidence by writing a list of all of the things that you like about yourself or any compliments you’ve received that have stuck with you. Gratitude journals can also be a great way of maintaining a positive outlook, as it can help you to see the little things worth celebrating despite the heartache you’re going through.
It’s no secret that exercise is great for mental health and overall wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence might have taken a dive during this time. It’s natural to want to hide away when you feel stressed or down. But you can boost your endorphins and your self-image by making time for exercise you enjoy. This could be a challenge you set yourself to take your mind off things. Alternatively, you could take up a new sport or activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a sense of excitement and accomplishment could give you a little boost when things seem hopeless and remind you there are new things on the horizon.
You hope that the worst case scenario should never happen and of course, for most of us it that will not, but every so often the unexpected can and will happen in life and that’s why being prepared for these unexpected situations is necessary for wherever you are.
You might suddenly find yourself facing a long term illness or in the middle of a situation where you require some professional advice, for example a legal dispute with an employee over employment terms or with a neighbour over land ownership. With any of these situations you want advice from the best and you want to make sure your money is going as far as it can for great results.
That’s why you’ll find everything you need in this guide on how to get the very best in legal advice when you need it most and what to look for when hiring a lawyer, whether that’s for something for work or for when you’re in need of a divorce lawyer. We take a look at what makes the best legal representation for your very individual situation and and some of the pitfalls you’ll need to avoid. Whatever your legal needs are you’ll find the lowdown on hiring right here.
Word Of Mouth
Who’s on the grapevine as being the best in the business? Once you start looking for someone to represent you, you soon start hearing from everyone, from the local postman to the receptionist at the gym about someone they’ve used or heard about from a friend. Take a note of these names, if one or two keep cropping up then it may be worth getting in touch for an initial consultation.
Ask your friends, family and fellow professionals for some recommendations too, having a personal introduction can help oil the wheels and make the process of appointing someone a whole lot easier.
Read reviews online and find out their success rate, which should be a matter of public record. You’ll also want to make sure that the lawyer is someone who specialises in your particular issue, rather than a general practitioner.
Take your time in in finding the very best in advice and in finding someone you feel can handle your case and all the complexities that go with it. You may need to talk to one or two or even more lawyers before you decide on appointing someone, and depending on the size of your case they may be able to handle it solo or need some help from someone else in their firm. Make sure you know all the details of how this will work before you sign up.
If you’re worried about wasting your time and money on initial consultations that don’t lead anywhere, most lawyers will give you enough time to explain their case, around 15-30 minutes, before they start charging by the hour, so make sure to go in fully prepared with the facts of your case and any questions you might have.
As mentioned up post if you’re interested in one particular firm, then you should be able to find out a fair amount about them from the public record. You will be able to see the success rate of the individual lawyer and how well they are rated by individual clients.
If the practice has several lawyers, find out which one seems to have more experience in your particular type of case and ask to meet with them first rather than someone you just find yourself assigned to. You need to know that your case will be taken seriously and if you are going to be able to strike up good communication with whoever is taking it on.
You’re going to need someone experienced and yet hungry to make a win. If you feel that your lawyer is too laid back or gives the impression that they’ve seen it all, failing to reassure you then avoid this lawyer.
Similarly, avoid anyone that promises you a big win. Instead find someone who is measured and calm and who you feel can be honest with you about how the case will run and what the chances are of it going the way you want. Find that right mix of determination and level-headedness and you’ll have someone fighting your corner who stands every chance of winning your case for you. If the worst does happen and you do lose, then with the right lawyer you’ll know they tried their best and that the loss wasn’t through lack of trying.
The one thing we would say is that lawyers don’t come cheap so whether the matter is personal or professional you’ll want to have a very realistic picture of how much this service is going to cost you overall.
A lawyer usually charges clients by the hour though you may find some will offer a flat fee or even be happy to wait until the end of the case and collect a percentage of any damages and their legal fees if paid by the opposition. Make sure you are very clear with your legal representative on how the fee charging process will work and even let them know your top end of the budget.
You may well have room to compromise with something like an upfront payment to start out with and then the rest coming in the form of a successful pay out. This will depend on how confident your lawyer is of the case going in your favour. You might also want to explore the possibility of legal aid and legal loans to cover the ongoing expenses.
The money can very quickly disappear so keep on top of your billing as you move through the consultation to trial proceedings.
If you are now separated from your partner, you might find that it’s difficult to adjust to your new life. You might have had to find a new place to live, which could have proven to be very stressful on its own, but you might also now be living apart from your children. Some parents will find this a very upsetting situation to come to terms with, but it doesn’t always have to be bad. You will certainly be able to still see your children, and they might even be able to stay the weekends at yours.
To help you get used to living apart from your kids, here are some very useful dos and don’ts.
Do Know Your Rights
First of all, it might be necessary for you to know what your divorced father’s rights are. If you are a divorced mother who is living away from your kids, your rights will be very similar to those mentioned in the link. Unless you have shown some serious signs of neglect or of being a poor parent, then you will be allowed to see your kids on a regular basis. If you and your ex are still on good terms, you might want to agree to the kids spending so many nights at yours throughout the week. If you aren’t on good terms and your ex tries to keep you away from your kids, you should be within your legal rights to go to court and fight for better access.
Don’t Stop Paying Maintenance
You will be legally required to pay maintenance to your ex partner if the kids live with them for most of the time. In fact, even parents who don’t see their children are still obliged to pay for their maintenance. You must make sure that you make every payment on time otherwise you could end up being taken to court. If you do care for your children, though, I’m sure that you will be more than happy to pay this money to help support them.
Do Find A Support Network
If you do find that it is hard being separated from your kids for so long, you might find it really useful finding a support group. There are lots of these groups around the country that are made up of divorced or separated parents who no longer live with their kids. You will be able to offer each other help and advice. This is also a great way to meet some new friends who are in a similar situation to yourself.
Don’t Get Too Down About The Situation
It can be easy to start to feel very negative about your new life, but dwelling on this will only make you feel much worse. Ideally, you should try to stay positive. At least you can be very happy about still being able to see your kids on a regular basis!
You will find that you adapt to this new life situation if you follow these dos and don’ts.
5 Pieces of Advice for a Relationship That’s on the Rocks
You have been trudging through life at a snail’s pace recently, especially when it comes to every aspect of your relationship or marriage. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction for you at the moment, but you’re not sure how to rectify it all. Perhaps you’re going through some big marriage problems right now or you have lost your identity in an overbearing relationship. There are many ways that you can get the spring back into your step, without causing yourself too much distress. Consider some of the following pieces of advice and you will soon feel happier, healthier and more independent.
1. Explore Your Options
When you’re extremely unhappy in your marriage you need to think long and hard about your future. If you don’t feel able to continue your life as it is, then you might need to start thinking about making some serious changes. Visit the following website https://www.browndahan.com/what-we-do/divorce/ and see if a divorce lawyer might be able to advise you during this time in your life. It is a life changing decision to make, but most of the time you will feel a huge release once you have go through with the process. Even if you’re not ready to go through with it yet, you will at least be able to figure out if it’s something you need to pursue.
2. Know Your Worth
If your other half keeps on bringing you down then you need to know that you’re so much better than that. You should never accept unsolicited criticism, especially if it is making you feel self-conscious. If your partner has been abusing you verbally then you need to assess what’s best for your own mental health.
3. Seek Professional Advice
There might be parts of the relationship that are salvageable if you want to seek out professional advice from a couple’s therapist. Talking to someone who can act as a mediator will help you both to get back on track with your marriage or long term relationship.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away
It takes a courageous person to be able to walk away from a toxic relationship, because you are suddenly facing the world alone. If someone has been by your side for most of your life it can be very difficult to let them go, even if they aren’t bringing positivity to your life. Be courageous and stand up for yourself whenever necessary; you are bound to feel empowered as soon as you go through with it.
5. Pursue Something That Makes You Happy
If you have been stuck in an unhappy relationship for a while, you might have lost your inner spark. Pursuing something that makes you truly happy might just be the best cure for your problems as your mind will be taken off the rocky goings on in your life right now.
So be brave and make the right decision for you as an individual, instead of fighting for a relationship that is making you unhappy.
Having A More Amicable Breakup For The Sake Of The Kids
When breaking up with your partner it is never an easy time for one another and especially if there are children involved as it also will have an effect on them too. When going through a break up where Kids are involved then it is always best to go through it amicably to reduce the strain it causes on them and also to make sure they don’t lose any respect for either of you if you were to go about it nastily. Here are some tips to help you get through the break up without affecting the kids too much.
Being amicable is about treating each other nicely during the split or at least doing so in front of the children. If you are at each other’s throats all the time the kids will take that in and either bottle up which can affect them mentally or they could even start acting out because of it which would mainly be at school, therefore, having an adverse effect on their school life too. If you are not able to talk things over amicably then it may be best to do it with a mediator or counselor to make sure you get somewhere with your talks.
Get things legalized
When going through a break up involving children it is always best to have any time with the children legalized. This means that you have the children on your set days and this can not be prevented unless done through the courts, this also stops the children from being used as a weapon in a rocky separation as it is in writing when you can have the children, what days and for how long for. This is done as part of the separation/divorce procedure with the assistance of child support who will help you come to the best arrangments with each other on who has who when.
When you are deciding on the legal side of things and what you want to get out of the split then make sure you are fair to each other as much as possible as if you were to take too much from one another then this can have implications on having the children and keeping them. If they are not able to look after them because you have taken more off your partner than is fair then that creates more bitterness during the separation and can lead to them making it harder. If you are fair in the legal battle or with splitting who gets what including the children then it will be better for the children in the long run as they will see both parents and have a good upbringing no matter who they are with.
A breakup is awful for both parties but especially the children, this will have an effect on them not only short term but long term too. If you are kind and fair throughout the whole ordeal then they will come out of it stronger and it will be more beneficial for all parties involved. With these tips, you will be able to get through the breakup with as little damage to your children as possible.
When you are going through a divorce, it can be hard to imagine what life will be like afterward. And while everyone knows that time is the greatest healer, the reality is that it can often seem like things will never get better. However, by following a few simple guidelines, it’s possible to cope with the stresses, pressures, and emotional turmoil’s that come with separation. Here is some essential advice on how to keep your head up and make it through the post-divorce landscape in the best possible way.
Accept the divorce
First of all, make sure you do all you can to terminate the marriage the right way. As discussed over at https://www.grahamhurdlaw.com/, you need the best solutions to this incredibly hard problem, and although it can be tough, try and see your divorce as a watershed moment. If you want to alleviate the pain and frustration of separating from a former loved one, you need to work hard, be honest, and accept the legal outcomes.
Keep a journal
Emotions are difficult to manage, and keeping things bottled up inside can lead to incredible psychological damage. And the reality of divorce is that you may not want to discuss particular issues with anyone else, even though they are eating you up from the inside. As http://womens-journal.com/ points out, one of the best ways of dealing with this is to keep a journal. Write down your emotional worries, and let those feelings out. Not only will it give you a release, it will also help you stop becoming dependent on others.
Get a shoulder to lean on
However, journaling your divorce experience will only go so far. The truth is that you need someone who can listen to you, share your feelings, and understand how your life is being affected. Find a friend that can listen and give you good advice. It should be someone you trust implicitly, and know that has your best interests at heart. It should also be someone who you know is unafraid to tell you how things really are and won’t shy away from letting you know if your actions are doing you harm.
As your old life ends, it’s time to embrace a new one. And given that your marriage is likely to have been problematic for some time, it’s the perfect opportunity to focus on yourself. It could be through investing more of your time into your professional life. Maybe you want to start that hobby you always wanted to try. Or perhaps you just want to broaden your horizons, and take advantage of being single and free.
One of the big problems with divorce and relationship failures is that you will often find yourself avoiding social situations. While this is an understandable reaction, it’s important to fight these feelings and get up and get yourself out there. You could join a divorce support group if you are struggling, or hook up with old friends you haven’t seen for years. Ultimately, the sooner you start being sociable, the faster you will be able to get over the divorce. Good luck!
Sadly, divorce has become a way of life for 50% of the married population today. It’s not something folks set out to do when they first exchange their wedding vows, but time can be cruel to relationships. Nevertheless, on the upside, time also has the power to heal all wounds.
Marriage has lost its shine
Just like anything in this world, if you don’t care for it, it will lose its luster. Take a silver tray for example. At first, it’s beautiful. Perfect. But after use, it can get dull and dirty. You have to clean it and polish it. It takes a bunch of effort to keep it shiny. As time marches on, even with the shine it has noticeable wear. You might not realize it at the time, but that’s part of its charm. However, you see it as aged. It’s no longer perfection. So, you put it in a cupboard. You know it’s still there, but you don’t use it. Next time you see it, it’s completely tarnished. It looks hopeless. Here’s the thing, it’s not ruined. With a little extra elbow grease, you can polish it back to gleaming. The point of this analogy… Some marriages just need a bit of elbow grease.
When’s enough, enough?
When is enough, enough? Some couples have an easy answer for that… never. But ‘never’ isn’t the choice for everyone. So when is it time to leave a marriage? Honestly, I think only couples can figure that out on their own, especially when there are kids and assets to consider. The best advice I can give on contemplating divorce is if you tried everything to make it work and it still doesn’t… Ask yourself this before making that huge decision, ‘Did I do everything I could to try and make this marriage work?’ and then answer this, ‘If I choose to walk away from this marriage, can I leave without regretting my choice?’ Some situations are much trickier when it comes to domestic violence. If that is the case, remember, there are people out there that can help.
When it’s over
Just like a death, divorce has its own period of mourning. This is common. It’s true, there are many scary roads ahead. But if the high divorce rate has taught us anything, it taught us, this too shall pass. And yes, time certainly does have a way of healing. People of divorce find they have a quicker healing process when they leave behind bitterness. It may be hard to forget the bad times, but it’s best to forgive, if only for the sole purpose of healing. Here’s a coping with divorce guide that will help you each step along the way to starting over.