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Self-Care During Divorce

Self-Care During Divorce

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Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. The world you knew is crumbling around you, while there are all kinds of legal and financial things that need to be dealt with. Having a good lawyer can help to put your mind at rest, at least where the legal side is concerned. Mediation services like Buncombe mediation can also help to take the stress off.

But what about the emotional side of divorce? While all of the technicalities are getting dealt with, it’s critical to take time for self-care and reflection. Everyone’s divorce situation is unique and each of us handles these challenges differently. If you’re feeling down, stressed or tense due to divorce, spending time to care for yourself will leave you much better off in the long run.

Talking it through

Help make this messy process easier to cope with by understanding some of the mental effects of divorce. It’s totally understandable for you to feel sad, angry, depressed, lost or any other combination of emotions right now. Give yourself time and space to feel what you are feeling. Don’t be tempted to hide your emotions away or suppress them with drink, drugs, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Instead, turn to friends, family, or specially trained professionals who can help you to navigate your way through this maze of tangled emotions. It can help to tell friends and family exactly how you’d like to be supported, as these times can be hard for them to navigate, too. Let them know what will help you.

Remember if you feel that the divorce is affecting your mental health, it’s important to speak to a therapist who can help you to cope. There may be support groups you can go to where you can share exactly how you’re feeling with people who are going through the same thing.

Going easy on yourself

You might be finding it hard to concentrate on other things or spending a lot of time going over the situation in your head. You may even be feeling guilty or having negative thoughts about yourself. It’s natural to feel this way when you’re going through emotional challenges, but try to be kind to yourself.

Practicing self-compassion or mindfulness techniques can help you to see things from a different perspective. You could boost your self-confidence by writing a list of all of the things that you like about yourself or any compliments you’ve received that have stuck with you. Gratitude journals can also be a great way of maintaining a positive outlook, as it can help you to see the little things worth celebrating despite the heartache you’re going through.

Exercising

It’s no secret that exercise is great for mental health and overall wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence might have taken a dive during this time. It’s natural to want to hide away when you feel stressed or down. But you can boost your endorphins and your self-image by making time for exercise you enjoy. This could be a challenge you set yourself to take your mind off things. Alternatively, you could take up a new sport or activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a sense of excitement and accomplishment could give you a little boost when things seem hopeless and remind you there are new things on the horizon.

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Preparing For The Worst With The Best

Preparing For The Worst With The Best

You hope that the worst case scenario should never happen and of course, for most of us it that will not, but every so often the unexpected can and will happen in life and that’s why being prepared for these unexpected situations is necessary for wherever you are.

You might suddenly find yourself facing a long term illness or in the middle of a situation where you require some professional advice, for example a legal dispute with an employee over employment terms or with a neighbour over land ownership. With any of these situations you want advice from the best and you want to make sure your money is going as far as it can for great results.

That’s why you’ll find everything you need in this guide on how to get the very best in legal advice when you need it most and what to look for when hiring a lawyer, whether that’s for something for work or for when you’re in need of a divorce lawyer. We take a look at what makes the best legal representation for your very individual situation and and some of the pitfalls you’ll need to avoid. Whatever your legal needs are you’ll find the lowdown on hiring right here.

Word Of Mouth

Who’s on the grapevine as being the best in the business? Once you start looking for someone to represent you, you soon start hearing from everyone, from the local postman to the receptionist at the gym about someone they’ve used or heard about from a friend. Take a note of these names, if one or two keep cropping up then it may be worth getting in touch for an initial consultation.

Ask your friends, family and fellow professionals for some recommendations too, having a personal introduction can help oil the wheels and make the process of appointing someone a whole lot easier.

Read reviews online and find out their success rate, which should be a matter of public record. You’ll also want to make sure that the lawyer is someone who specialises in your particular issue, rather than a general practitioner.

Interview widely

Take your time in in finding the very best in advice and in finding someone you feel can handle your case and all the complexities that go with it. You may need to talk to one or two or even more lawyers before you decide on appointing someone, and depending on the size of your case they may be able to handle it solo or need some help from someone else in their firm. Make sure you know all the details of how this will work before you sign up.

If you’re worried about wasting your time and money on initial consultations that don’t lead anywhere, most lawyers will give you enough time to explain their case, around 15-30 minutes, before they start charging by the hour, so make sure to go in fully prepared with the facts of your case and any questions you might have.

Search online

As mentioned up post if you’re interested in one particular firm, then you should be able to find out a fair amount about them from the public record. You will be able to see the success rate of the individual lawyer and how well they are rated by individual clients.

If the practice has several lawyers, find out which one seems to have more experience in your particular type of case and ask to meet with them first rather than someone you just find yourself assigned to. You need to know that your case will be taken seriously and if you are going to be able to strike up good communication with whoever is taking it on.

Characteristics

You’re going to need someone experienced and yet hungry to make a win. If you feel that your lawyer is too laid back or gives the impression that they’ve seen it all, failing to reassure you then avoid this lawyer.

Similarly, avoid anyone that promises you a big win. Instead find someone who is measured and calm and who you feel can be honest with you about how the case will run and what the chances are of it going the way you want. Find that right mix of determination and level-headedness and you’ll have someone fighting your corner who stands every chance of winning your case for you. If the worst does happen and you do lose, then with the right lawyer you’ll know they tried their best and that the loss wasn’t through lack of trying.

Budget

The one thing we would say is that lawyers don’t come cheap so whether the matter is personal or professional you’ll want to have a very realistic picture of how much this service is going to cost you overall.

A lawyer usually charges clients by the hour though you may find some will offer a flat fee or even be happy to wait until the end of the case and collect a percentage of any damages and their legal fees if paid by the opposition. Make sure you are very clear with your legal representative on how the fee charging process will work and even let them know your top end of the budget.

You may well have room to compromise with something like an upfront payment to start out with and then the rest coming in the form of a successful pay out. This will depend on how confident your lawyer is of the case going in your favour. You might also want to explore the possibility of legal aid and legal loans to cover the ongoing expenses.

The money can very quickly disappear so keep on top of your billing as you move through the consultation to trial proceedings.


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The Dos And Don’ts Of Not Living With Your Kids

The Dos And Don’ts Of Not Living With Your Kids

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If you are now separated from your partner, you might find that it’s difficult to adjust to your new life. You might have had to find a new place to live, which could have proven to be very stressful on its own, but you might also now be living apart from your children. Some parents will find this a very upsetting situation to come to terms with, but it doesn’t always have to be bad. You will certainly be able to still see your children, and they might even be able to stay the weekends at yours.

To help you get used to living apart from your kids, here are some very useful dos and don’ts.

Do Know Your Rights

First of all, it might be necessary for you to know what your divorced father’s rights are. If you are a divorced mother who is living away from your kids, your rights will be very similar to those mentioned in the link. Unless you have shown some serious signs of neglect or of being a poor parent, then you will be allowed to see your kids on a regular basis. If you and your ex are still on good terms, you might want to agree to the kids spending so many nights at yours throughout the week. If you aren’t on good terms and your ex tries to keep you away from your kids, you should be within your legal rights to go to court and fight for better access.

Don’t Stop Paying Maintenance

You will be legally required to pay maintenance to your ex partner if the kids live with them for most of the time. In fact, even parents who don’t see their children are still obliged to pay for their maintenance. You must make sure that you make every payment on time otherwise you could end up being taken to court. If you do care for your children, though, I’m sure that you will be more than happy to pay this money to help support them.

Do Find A Support Network

If you do find that it is hard being separated from your kids for so long, you might find it really useful finding a support group. There are lots of these groups around the country that are made up of divorced or separated parents who no longer live with their kids. You will be able to offer each other help and advice. This is also a great way to meet some new friends who are in a similar situation to yourself.

Don’t Get Too Down About The Situation

It can be easy to start to feel very negative about your new life, but dwelling on this will  only make you feel much worse. Ideally, you should try to stay positive. At least you can be very happy about still being able to see your kids on a regular basis!

You will find that you adapt to this new life situation if you follow these dos and don’ts.


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5 Pieces of Advice for a Relationship That’s on the Rocks

5 Pieces of Advice for a Relationship That’s on the Rocks

You have been trudging through life at a snail’s pace recently, especially when it comes to every aspect of your relationship or marriage. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction for you at the moment, but you’re not sure how to rectify it all. Perhaps you’re going through some big marriage problems right now or you have lost your identity in an overbearing relationship. There are many ways that you can get the spring back into your step, without causing yourself too much distress. Consider some of the following pieces of advice and you will soon feel happier, healthier and more independent.

1. Explore Your Options

When you’re extremely unhappy in your marriage you need to think long and hard about your future. If you don’t feel able to continue your life as it is, then you might need to start thinking about making some serious changes. Visit the following website https://www.browndahan.com/what-we-do/divorce/ and see if a divorce lawyer might be able to advise you during this time in your life. It is a life changing decision to make, but most of the time you will feel a huge release once you have go through with the process. Even if you’re not ready to go through with it yet, you will at least be able to figure out if it’s something you need to pursue.

2. Know Your Worth

If your other half keeps on bringing you down then you need to know that you’re so much better than that. You should never accept unsolicited criticism, especially if it is making you feel self-conscious. If your partner has been abusing you verbally then you need to assess what’s best for your own mental health.

3. Seek Professional Advice

There might be parts of the relationship that are salvageable if you want to seek out professional advice from a couple’s therapist. Talking to someone who can act as a mediator will help you both to get back on track with your marriage or long term relationship.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away

It takes a courageous person to be able to walk away from a toxic relationship, because you are suddenly facing the world alone. If someone has been by your side for most of your life it can be very difficult to let them go, even if they aren’t bringing positivity to your life. Be courageous and stand up for yourself whenever necessary; you are bound to feel empowered as soon as you go through with it.

5. Pursue Something That Makes You Happy

If you have been stuck in an unhappy relationship for a while, you might have lost your inner spark. Pursuing something that makes you truly happy might just be the best cure for your problems as your mind will be taken off the rocky goings on in your life right now.

So be brave and make the right decision for you as an individual, instead of fighting for a relationship that is making you unhappy.

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Having A More Amicable Breakup For The Sake Of The Kids

Having A More Amicable Breakup For The Sake Of The Kids

When breaking up with your partner it is never an easy time for one another and especially if there are children involved as it also will have an effect on them too. When going through a break up where Kids are involved then it is always best to go through it amicably to reduce the strain it causes on them and also to make sure they don’t lose any respect for either of you if you were to go about it nastily. Here are some tips to help you get through the break up without affecting the kids too much.

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Stay amicable

Being amicable is about treating each other nicely during the split or at least doing so in front of the children. If you are at each other’s throats all the time the kids will take that in and either bottle up which can affect them mentally or they could even start acting out because of it which would mainly be at school, therefore, having an adverse effect on their school life too. If you are not able to talk things over amicably then it may be best to do it with a mediator or counselor to make sure you get somewhere with your talks.

Get things legalized

When going through a break up involving children it is always best to have any time with the children legalized. This means that you have the children on your set days and this can not be prevented unless done through the courts, this also stops the children from being used as a weapon in a rocky separation as it is in writing when you can have the children, what days and for how long for. This is done as part of the separation/divorce procedure with the assistance of child support who will help you come to the best arrangments with each other on who has who when.

Be fair

When you are deciding on the legal side of things and what you want to get out of the split then make sure you are fair to each other as much as possible as if you were to take too much from one another then this can have implications on having the children and keeping them. If they are not able to look after them because you have taken more off your partner than is fair then that creates more bitterness during the separation and can lead to them making it harder. If you are fair in the legal battle or with splitting who gets what including the children then it will be better for the children in the long run as they will see both parents and have a good upbringing no matter who they are with.

A breakup is awful for both parties but especially the children, this will have an effect on them not only short term but long term too. If you are kind and fair throughout the whole ordeal then they will come out of it stronger and it will be more beneficial for all parties involved. With these tips, you will be able to get through the breakup with as little damage to your children as possible.


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Essential Advice For Life After Divorce

Essential Advice For Life After Divorce

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When you are going through a divorce, it can be hard to imagine what life will be like afterward. And while everyone knows that time is the greatest healer, the reality is that it can often seem like things will never get better. However, by following a few simple guidelines, it’s possible to cope with the stresses, pressures, and emotional turmoil’s that come with separation. Here is some essential advice on how to keep your head up and make it through the post-divorce landscape in the best possible way.

 

Accept the divorce

 

First of all, make sure you do all you can to terminate the marriage the right way. As discussed over at https://www.grahamhurdlaw.com/, you need the best solutions to this incredibly hard problem, and although it can be tough, try and see your divorce as a watershed moment. If you want to alleviate the pain and frustration of separating from a former loved one, you need to work hard, be honest, and accept the legal outcomes.

 

Keep a journal

 

Emotions are difficult to manage, and keeping things bottled up inside can lead to incredible psychological damage. And the reality of divorce is that you may not want to discuss particular issues with anyone else, even though they are eating you up from the inside. As http://womens-journal.com/ points out, one of the best ways of dealing with this is to keep a journal. Write down your emotional worries, and let those feelings out. Not only will it give you a release, it will also help you stop becoming dependent on others.

 

Get a shoulder to lean on

 

However, journaling your divorce experience will only go so far. The truth is that you need someone who can listen to you, share your feelings, and understand how your life is being affected. Find a friend that can listen and give you good advice. It should be someone you trust implicitly, and know that has your best interests at heart. It should also be someone who you know is unafraid to tell you how things really are and won’t shy away from letting you know if your actions are doing you harm.

 

Get busy

 

As your old life ends, it’s time to embrace a new one. And given that your marriage is likely to have been problematic for some time, it’s the perfect opportunity to focus on yourself. It could be through investing more of your time into your professional life. Maybe you want to start that hobby you always wanted to try. Or perhaps you just want to broaden your horizons, and take advantage of being single and free.

 

Be sociable

 

One of the big problems with divorce and relationship failures is that you will often find yourself avoiding social situations. While this is an understandable reaction, it’s important to fight these feelings and get up and get yourself out there. You could join a divorce support group if you are struggling, or hook up with old friends you haven’t seen for years. Ultimately, the sooner you start being sociable, the faster you will be able to get over the divorce. Good luck!

 

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Should You Stay, Or Should You Go?

By, Tia Cristy

Should You Stay, Or Should You Go?

Sadly, divorce has become a way of life for 50% of the married population today. It’s not something folks set out to do when they first exchange their wedding vows, but time can be cruel to relationships. Nevertheless, on the upside, time also has the power to heal all wounds.

Marriage has lost its shine

Just like anything in this world, if you don’t care for it, it will lose its luster. Take a silver tray for example. At first, it’s beautiful. Perfect. But after use, it can get dull and dirty. You have to clean it and polish it. It takes a bunch of effort to keep it shiny. As time marches on, even with the shine it has noticeable wear. You might not realize it at the time, but that’s part of its charm. However, you see it as aged. It’s no longer perfection. So, you put it in a cupboard. You know it’s still there, but you don’t use it. Next time you see it, it’s completely tarnished. It looks hopeless. Here’s the thing, it’s not ruined. With a little extra elbow grease, you can polish it back to gleaming. The point of this analogy… Some marriages just need a bit of elbow grease.

When’s enough, enough?

When is enough, enough? Some couples have an easy answer for that… never. But ‘never’ isn’t the choice for everyone. So when is it time to leave a marriage? Honestly, I think only couples can figure that out on their own, especially when there are kids and assets to consider. The best advice I can give on contemplating divorce is if you tried everything to make it work and it still doesn’t… Ask yourself this before making that huge decision, ‘Did I do everything I could to try and make this marriage work?’ and then answer this, ‘If I choose to walk away from this marriage, can I leave without regretting my choice?’ Some situations are much trickier when it comes to domestic violence. If that is the case, remember, there are people out there that can help.

When it’s over

Just like a death, divorce has its own period of mourning. This is common. It’s true, there are many scary roads ahead. But if the high divorce rate has taught us anything, it taught us, this too shall pass. And yes, time certainly does have a way of healing. People of divorce find they have a quicker healing process when they leave behind bitterness. It may be hard to forget the bad times, but it’s best to forgive, if only for the sole purpose of healing. Here’s a coping with divorce guide that will help you each step along the way to starting over.

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3 Ways To Handle Divorce In The Right Way

3 Ways To Handle Divorce In The Right Way

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No one ever expects a divorce to happen, but the reality of life is that they often do occur. They can be very hard or easy affairs depending upon your situation but they are often difficult so don’t have your hopes up for an easy ride with it. People usually get on the bad side of divorce, and whilst there isn’t a good one, there are some things you can do to make it as painless as possible.

Give Yourself Time To Decompress

This is a very important part of a divorce, and so too it is for any other big, arguably traumatic event. Decompression is the time it takes for you to fully realize everything that is going on, to explore your feelings and know where you stand with everyone who is involved, as well as yourself. It’s very important that you allow yourself time to do this because it lets you get out, and then figure out, all of the negative emotions that will be hiding away. If it’s a particularly troubled divorce then you may find yourself wanting a divorce therapist that can you can visit and talk to in order to make you feel okay again.

Make Sure You’re Legally Covered

If you have anything that is in both you and your partner’s names you need to be legally covered. When a divorce occurs, the right for who get’s what is the game that is played, so you need to have a good legal plan for when the court cases come around. This can be for children if you have them and for all of the items that belong to you both, which makes getting a divorce quite a difficult process. You could get items or child custody wrongly taken off you, so to avoid this you have to be legally covered.

Ensure Everyone Knows What Is Going On

It can be easy to shut yourself away and not tell anyone you know about what is going on, but the truth is that a problem shared is a problem halved so it’s good to tell people what is going on. Not only will it make it easier for you, people need to know what is going on in your life in order to keep up with you and help you if needs be. Any children you have will need to know too as it will affect them the most. Be realistic with them but also not harsh as to not upset them too much. You cannot avoid your kids being upset when this happens, but if they are well informed and looked after properly then the blow dealt will be much less painful.

It is advisable that you do all of these things if you are going through a divorce. They are difficult times and are never, ever easy so expect the worse with them and you’ll be surprised when it doesn’t come to it! Deciding whether or not you need a divorce can be a difficult thing as it’s a very intricate and intimate situation, so read this if you think you’re coming to a crossroads within your relationship.

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2 Great Ways To Restore Communication In A Marriage

2 Great Ways To Restore Communication In A Marriage

One of the biggest causes of separation in today’s world is a total lack of communication. We are all so busy working, raising families and being absorbed in smart phones that we forget to communicate how we feel in the old-fashioned way: talking. When a marriage begins to disintegrate, it can go from feeling bad to feeling worse very quickly, and the main cause for this is the fact that people don’t communicate how they are feeling to each other.

Marriages break down for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s due to something as simple as boredom and sometimes it’s due to outside factors beyond your control. The thing is, not everyone wants to turn to divorce and it’s often the last resort. If you have children, it may be tempting to hang onto a miserable situation for the sake of the image of a family unit, but that’s not healthy. It’s vital that you and your spouse do what you can to be happy and if that eventually means in being happier apart, then it’s better for everyone all round. Choosing to go down the route of divorce can feel very final, but there are things that you can do before calling Arnold, Wadsworth & Coggins to file papers. Your marriage meant something to you both once, and you owe it to yourselves to try and untangle the web of sadness that has been created before you call the curtain. So, how can you restore your communication before it’s too late?

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Counselling. When you are in a situation where you are fighting with the person you love, it can become frustrating. Neither of you want to back down and admit defeat, and so nothing is ever resolved, which breeds a lot of resentment. Making a mutual decision to seek professional help to try and piece things together in a neutral place can help. No one likes to see the other person’s point of view when they are certain they are right, but you have to make the effort to open your mind so that you can try and reach a level of understanding that makes sense for you.

Reconnect. Do you remember the early days of your relationship, where you would meet for a simple coffee or dinner and discuss anything and everything in the world? Getting back to basics and reconnecting can help when the communication has been frayed for so long. Make a vow that you don’t argue during these days. Discuss the things you like and your current jobs. Even if you have been together for years, you can still be surprised by the day to day things you can learn about each other, especially when you’ve lost the communication between you.

The final step is true acceptance. If you have both given the marriage significant effort on both sides, have tried to bring things back to basics and haven’t managed to come back together, then divorce is the last resort. It makes sense to try as hard as you can to bring the marriage to its previous best, but sometimes if that cannot happen then separating for good is the best thing all round.

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Damage Limitation Legal Advice For Men Going Through Separation

Damage Limitation Legal Advice For Men Going Through Separation

Some relationships don’t work out, but that’s just human nature because our lives are complicated and personalities change over time. Men are starting to realise that they don’t need to accept some kind of social pressure that has previously made them feel as if they’re the guilty party, by default. Upon their partner’s separation request being legally filed, men have taken more of an active role, to know what their rights are and what the best practical tips are for coping with this challenging circumstance. In the courts, you need to commit to an actual dialogue with your soon to be ex-partner and with her lawyer, to get a rounded understanding of the specific demands put forth. No matter how many separation cases a court has gone through, every single case is treated individually, so there’s no end-all-be-all advice on how to handle a particular situation. However there are some basic steps, men can take to better prepare themselves for putting their case to the legal authorities.  

 

Photo credit – Pixabay

 

Should you move out?

Some men find that keeping the peace is better than arguing when the divorce papers have already set the wheels in motion. They want to keep things civil and try to be respectful to their partner for the sake of the good times they previously had, or the fact that they don’t want to alarm the children. If your partner is reasonable and cooperative, that’s a bonus, but sometimes emotions get the better of both parties are hostilities boil over. The stereotypical thing to do is to move out, but men are no more guilty than women, so think twice before booking a room in a cheap motel to pass the time. There are financial advantages and disadvantages if you’re the higher income earner, by staying in the house, that you should discuss with a lawyer.

Get the proper legal team

Don’t settle for a legal team that’s cheap because they’re likely to be inexperienced. Family law help is crucial for men in this day and age because it’s more likely that your former partner will get custody of children; statistically speaking. A good attorney will inform you of the legal obligations most men are given such as child support, spousal support such as alimony, parenting plans and protective orders. They will help you gain a better perspective of the culture in which the law is interpreted so that you can protect your financial and mental health in the best possible way.

Image source – Cordell and Cordell

 

Consider settling

Separating can get ugly, and the fact that going to court can be green-lit, the tone can amplify in seriousness and stakes become higher. Some cases might go on for years, but your ex-partner and her lawyer can sometimes be willing to avoid a long lengthy battle and hold an agreement outside of the courts. If you can, settle outside of court as this will drastically cut legal fees, and you may get a better deal from her lawyer than you might from a judge. Workout a legally binding stature and think of a long-term agreement that you’re comfortable with, then start negotiating. Think of the things that matter most, such as the children, property and savings accounts.

 

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