Tag Archives: contemplating divorce

Should You Stay, Or Should You Go?

By, Tia Cristy

Should You Stay, Or Should You Go?

Sadly, divorce has become a way of life for 50% of the married population today. It’s not something folks set out to do when they first exchange their wedding vows, but time can be cruel to relationships. Nevertheless, on the upside, time also has the power to heal all wounds.

Marriage has lost its shine

Just like anything in this world, if you don’t care for it, it will lose its luster. Take a silver tray for example. At first, it’s beautiful. Perfect. But after use, it can get dull and dirty. You have to clean it and polish it. It takes a bunch of effort to keep it shiny. As time marches on, even with the shine it has noticeable wear. You might not realize it at the time, but that’s part of its charm. However, you see it as aged. It’s no longer perfection. So, you put it in a cupboard. You know it’s still there, but you don’t use it. Next time you see it, it’s completely tarnished. It looks hopeless. Here’s the thing, it’s not ruined. With a little extra elbow grease, you can polish it back to gleaming. The point of this analogy… Some marriages just need a bit of elbow grease.

When’s enough, enough?

When is enough, enough? Some couples have an easy answer for that… never. But ‘never’ isn’t the choice for everyone. So when is it time to leave a marriage? Honestly, I think only couples can figure that out on their own, especially when there are kids and assets to consider. The best advice I can give on contemplating divorce is if you tried everything to make it work and it still doesn’t… Ask yourself this before making that huge decision, ‘Did I do everything I could to try and make this marriage work?’ and then answer this, ‘If I choose to walk away from this marriage, can I leave without regretting my choice?’ Some situations are much trickier when it comes to domestic violence. If that is the case, remember, there are people out there that can help.

When it’s over

Just like a death, divorce has its own period of mourning. This is common. It’s true, there are many scary roads ahead. But if the high divorce rate has taught us anything, it taught us, this too shall pass. And yes, time certainly does have a way of healing. People of divorce find they have a quicker healing process when they leave behind bitterness. It may be hard to forget the bad times, but it’s best to forgive, if only for the sole purpose of healing. Here’s a coping with divorce guide that will help you each step along the way to starting over.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

 

2 Great Ways To Restore Communication In A Marriage

2 Great Ways To Restore Communication In A Marriage

One of the biggest causes of separation in today’s world is a total lack of communication. We are all so busy working, raising families and being absorbed in smart phones that we forget to communicate how we feel in the old-fashioned way: talking. When a marriage begins to disintegrate, it can go from feeling bad to feeling worse very quickly, and the main cause for this is the fact that people don’t communicate how they are feeling to each other.

Marriages break down for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s due to something as simple as boredom and sometimes it’s due to outside factors beyond your control. The thing is, not everyone wants to turn to divorce and it’s often the last resort. If you have children, it may be tempting to hang onto a miserable situation for the sake of the image of a family unit, but that’s not healthy. It’s vital that you and your spouse do what you can to be happy and if that eventually means in being happier apart, then it’s better for everyone all round. Choosing to go down the route of divorce can feel very final, but there are things that you can do before calling Arnold, Wadsworth & Coggins to file papers. Your marriage meant something to you both once, and you owe it to yourselves to try and untangle the web of sadness that has been created before you call the curtain. So, how can you restore your communication before it’s too late?

Image Source

Counselling. When you are in a situation where you are fighting with the person you love, it can become frustrating. Neither of you want to back down and admit defeat, and so nothing is ever resolved, which breeds a lot of resentment. Making a mutual decision to seek professional help to try and piece things together in a neutral place can help. No one likes to see the other person’s point of view when they are certain they are right, but you have to make the effort to open your mind so that you can try and reach a level of understanding that makes sense for you.

Reconnect. Do you remember the early days of your relationship, where you would meet for a simple coffee or dinner and discuss anything and everything in the world? Getting back to basics and reconnecting can help when the communication has been frayed for so long. Make a vow that you don’t argue during these days. Discuss the things you like and your current jobs. Even if you have been together for years, you can still be surprised by the day to day things you can learn about each other, especially when you’ve lost the communication between you.

The final step is true acceptance. If you have both given the marriage significant effort on both sides, have tried to bring things back to basics and haven’t managed to come back together, then divorce is the last resort. It makes sense to try as hard as you can to bring the marriage to its previous best, but sometimes if that cannot happen then separating for good is the best thing all round.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

The Considerations of Breaking Up 

The Considerations of Breaking Up

Breaking up with your partner is one of the hardest things that you can go through. When you get close to somebody and let them into your life, it can be difficult to consider that they may be moving forward and sharing their intimacy with somebody else further on down the line. While it may be what’s best for you in the long run, it certainly doesn’t feel like it at the time. But feelings are funny things, and they can cloud judgement quite a lot. While you can’t put your emotions fully to one side, there are some things to consider when in a clearer state of mind.

divorce-619195_960_720Image Source

Marriage

If you are married, there are a few things to consider. It may be better to stay married for certain tax benefits and pension considerations, but if that is not an option then get a good company and a good representative on your case, such as a divorce lawyer from IRB Law. It can be a tough process to go through, but it’s for the best if you can’t come to any agreements on property and possessions and will also free you up for any future marriage to a potential partner.

Children

If you have children together, it’s going to be a heartbreaking time for them too. What they have grown up with and have adapted to is about to change. While this can sound scary and enough to put you off the whole idea, you need to consider their needs too. Listen to them and constantly reassure them. When you are young, your parents are your world – to see your world split in half is not a nice thing to see.

people-mother-family-fatherPicture Credit

Friends

Friends are there for you – at least, that’s how the theme tune goes. If you have made friends together, there are some who will take sides and some who will support the both of you. Other will just slink away, and it’s something that you have to come to accept. If you drag your friends into your problems without them wanting to be a part of it, you face losing them completely. Keep your personal life separate and remember that your partner is their friend too – it can be quite hurtful for them to hear nasty things being said.

The Future

You must always look for the optimism in everything in life. If you are more open to the positives than the negatives, this will set you in good stead for getting on and thriving out of what can be an otherwise awful time. Keep those who matter close to you and indulge yourself in the things that you like. There may be a time when you get back together lodged somewhere in the future, but don’t get caught up in trying to bring up the past to ensure what you’ve got set ahead of you. There are so many people in the world that it’s possible that you just haven’t found your soulmate yet – your time will come.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

Divorce Isn’t Your Only Option!

Divorce Isn’t Your Only Option!

When your relationship hits a bump in the road, it’s easy to think that there is no moving forward. And you might believe that there is no other option than calling a divorce lawyer. But it might not be the end of the relationship. In fact, there are ways you might be able to work through your issues and come out stronger the other side. Therefore, here are some other options you should consider first before going down the divorce route.

Talk about your problems

A lot of couples close up when they are having troubles in their relationship. Rather than talking to each other about their concerns, they tend to bottle it up and push each other away. But if you don’t talk to each other, it won’t allow you to move on from your problems. And the emotions you are feeling will build up, and you will grow to hate your partner. Therefore, if you want to work on the relationship, it’s time to open up to one another. Clear the house so that it’s just you and your partner. And then sit down next to each other and allow each other to talk about how you feel. Once you have everything out in the open, you can hopefully concentrate on the present and move on with the relationship.

Have a trial separation

Rather than rushing to a divorce lawyer, the first thing you and your partner should do is have a trial separation. After all, a lot of couples find that a separation does them both the world of good. In fact, it can show them both how much they love the other person. And as well as this, a separation of at least 12 months is often needed before any lawyer like Gillard Family Lawyers can start the divorce proceedings. Therefore, give each other some space to work through your issues. You or your partner might want to leave the family home for a period to ensure you live separate lives. Or you might want to stay under the same roof, but live as if you were both unmarried. Having some time apart can help you to see clearly what the next step is for your relationship!

Look into relationship counseling

Some problems between you and your partner require some outside help. After all, you might find that you just argue about the issue if you sit down just the two of you. But this is not helping you to address the problem and potentially move on. Therefore, if you want to save the relationship, you should consider attending relationship counseling. It’s a great way to express what you want to say in a safe environment. And the counselor will work with you both to ensure you both get a chance to have your say. For some people, counseling can often help them to move forward with their relationship. Or it can show them that the relationship can not be salvaged and that you should both move on!

And sometimes it’s worth going back to resolve current problems. Reminiscing about how you met and going on your first date can help you start over with your other half. Therefore, don’t be afraid to spend some time in the past to move forward!

couple-168191_960_720 Pixabay

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram