Category Archives: SEX & LIFE

Tips on sexual health, mental health, relationships, and everyday healthy life.

SEX & LIFE

Dealing with a Difficult Ex

Dealing with a Difficult Ex

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Dealing with a difficult ex after a breakup can be really tough, especially if they harbor negative feelings towards you, and especially if you have kids to think about and you can’t just sever all contact with your ex-spouse. Although it won’t be easy, here are some tips for dealing with a difficult ex that might help you to get through it a bit more easily:

Say No to Negative Intimacy

Negative intimacy is the term used to describe the process that many ex-couples go through whereby one or both of them try to punch each other’s buttons in the hope of getting a reaction. If your ex tries to make you mad, the best thing you can do is to not react at all. Stay calm and don’t give them what they want and it won’t be long before they get the message and give up on trying to make you angry.

Treat Them Impersonally

It’s always nice to have a good relationship with your exes, especially if they are parents to any of your children, but when you’re dealing with a difficult ex, who’s behaving badly towards you or even trying to cause you harm, it’s best to be as impersonal in any interactions you must have as possible. That way, you’re less likely to get into arguments or give them, in their mind, the wrong idea about the future of your relationship.

Keep the Children Out of It

Depending on how crazy your ex is, it might not always be possible, but nevertheless, you should strive to keep the kids out of your issues with your spouse. You should refrain from speaking negatively about your ex in front of them, and you should never make them the go-between in your relationship with your ex-spouse. After all, no child wants to have to choose between parents or have to hear negative things about them. Obviously, if you think your ex’s behavior could put your kids in danger, that’s a different matter, and they may have to be told about certain things to keep them safe.

Think About Yourself, Not Your Ex

When your ex is being difficult, playing mind games with you and generally trying to make your life tougher than it should be, it can be tempting to spend all of your time and energy fighting him or her, talking to your friends about him and allowing her to take over your every waking thought. This isn’t going to do anything but stress you out, make you more anxious and stop you from living your life. So, instead of putting the focus on your ex, put it firmly on yourself and your kids. Have fun together, take the time to relax and as far as possible, block your ex from your thoughts. You won’t be able to do it all the time, but the more you shift your focus, the better you will feel.

Hire an Attorney

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If things start to go too far and your ex begins harassing you to the point that you fear for your safety, hiring a good attorney who knows how to get a restraining order fast is a serious possibility. You should not have to worry about your own safety ever, and there are things you can do to keep you and your kids safe, should it come to that.

Cut Communication Completely

When things get to the point that you’re considering legal action, it’s probably smart to cut all contact with your ex. Block his number from your phone, avoid going to places you know he’ll be and if he does get in touch with you, simply ignore him.

Let Other People in Your Life Know

If the situation turns abusive and you get to the point where you need to protect yourself, you should definitely let the other people in your life, who need to know about it, know what’s going on. People at your work, the teachers at your kids’ schools and your immediate family, will need to be on alert for any unusual behavior from your ex so that if he or she tries to do something harmful to you or the kids, they can be stopped before they ever get the chance.

See a Therapist

If dealing with a difficult ex is really taking its toll on you for your own sake, you might want to consider enrolling in therapy, where you can vent your frustrations and learn coping mechanisms to help you through. There are several different types of therapy available out there. Know what your best options are so you can get your feelings out. You might think it’s actually your ex who needs therapy, but you can only look after yourself!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

ORGANIC HEALTH & HOME, SEX & LIFE

Why Asking For Help Isn’t A Bad Thing

Why Asking For Help Isn’t A Bad Thing

 

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It’s a big step, asking for help. There are so many of us who never ask for it for fear of being perceived as “weak,†and you would think that the message has been communicated for so long that asking for help or advice is okay now. And it always was, but why is it such an issue for a lot of us? We all end up being consumed with worry over the tiniest thing sometimes, but the big issues we tend to brush over and adopt the stiff upper lip method of carrying on. What are the reasons we tend to avoid asking for help when we are in completely dire situations?

Well, the main thing is that, apart from the perception of being weak, it’s actually the fact that you feel that you are letting yourself down in some way. Even if you know you have a problem, such as an addiction, the fact that you are admitting there is something wrong is communicating the realization that you are weak; and it’s official now that it’s out there. Pride, ego, or sheer self-centeredness are the things that stop us from asking for help. And we can very easily fear asking for help, but unfortunately, it’s something that we are unable to do by ourselves. But what does asking for help accomplish, and what can you do to make it an easier transition to recovery?

Courage

While we all perceive asking for help as a sheer and utter weakness, it’s actually the opposite. It’s your pride and inability to ask for help that makes you weak, and in standing alone to deal with your problems, you might think that it’s easier for you. But if you looked at the impact it has on people you love, that is usually the reason a lot of addicts reach out for help. This is the biggest step in recovering, but it’s also the hardest, and you are showing a lot of courage by asking for help.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

This is the key when asking for help. If you haven’t been honest up to this point, that when you do finally ask for the help you realize you need, it’s time to come clean. Deception, no matter how big or small, doesn’t inspire trust, and it’s the time for a clean slate. The other side of the honesty coin is acceptance. It’s never easy to sit with your faults and accept that you have been dishonest because if it was so easy to be honest, we’d all do it right away to get the help we need without damaging our pride or ego. But the real fact is that when we face up to everything with an honest outlook, only then can we, and our loved ones, move on.

Do You Think You’re A Burden?

When people ask for help, the concern is that they may have put loved ones through enough. It’s common to feel like you’re dead weight, and you’re just a burden to them and nothing more. The fact is, you’re not. Family members won’t help you because they feel it makes life easier for them, it’s because they care about you! When you ask for help it means you are ready to take on board the advice and support of professionals. Whatever addiction you have, you will always have the support of professionals on hand once you’ve reached out. There are organizations like The Recovery Village that are purpose-built to help you not just “dry out,†but to enable you to build a new life that is healthy and happy, independent of the trappings of addiction. Asking for help is all about reaching into yourself for that notion of strength you didn’t realize you had.

You Shouldn’t Feel Embarrassed

Asking for help, regardless of the situation, leaves us in a vulnerable position, and as a result, we can feel very embarrassed when we finally ask for help. But if you decide to open up to your loved ones after toying with the idea, it’s very likely that they’ve already noticed. So don’t feel nervous. Or if they haven’t noticed, they will still want to help you because they care! We all show that we care in different ways, and if they are showing willing to do everything they can to help, then it’s apparent that they care, and it’s important to not be nervous about approaching the subject. They want you to be well and happy above everything else, so asking for help, as difficult as it may be, will lead you towards the best outcome for you.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

BEAUTY, SEX & LIFE

Like a Virgin: Preparing Yourself for Your First Music Festival

Like a Virgin: Preparing Yourself for Your First Music Festival

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Summer is coming, and chances are you’re drawing together a list of plans and activities for the warmer months. Who can blame you? We all want to make the most of the good weather while it’s around. Top of many people’s lists will be a music festival. Our newsfeeds are full of pictures of celebrities wandering about Coachella and Firefly, and we want to try them out too! But when it comes down to it, festivals for the average person aren’t as glamorous and chic as the celebs make out. It’s a long weekend of camping, little sleep, mud, and dirt. But at the same time, all of these things contribute to what will be one of the best experiences of your life. So, how to go about delving into the festival lifestyle while still looking and feeling good?

 

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Planning

If you want to have a good festival experience, you’re going to have to become organized. Make sure that you purchase your tickets for any live music event directly from the source or from a trusted reseller like The Ticket Merchant. This helps to avoid the disappointment that can occur when tickets are fake or don’t arrive at all.

 

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Camping Gear

You’re facing the elements for an extended period, so it’s worth investing in a decent bit of camping gear. Make sure that your tent is of good enough quality that it doesn’t leak. There’s nothing worse than returning to a flooded tent filled with soaked clothes and soggy sleeping bags. Your sleeping bags should be warm and made from good insulating fabrics. It may be summer, but temperatures drop dramatically at night, so you’ll want to be tucked up nice and warm for a decent night’s sleep.

Side note: Bringing a hammock in your backpack for the Woodlands of Dover for Firefly can give you a great option to lay and chill while listening to some amazing artists on the main stage.

Toiletries

Alongside camping gear, you’re also going to need to pack your bag with the essentials to get you through a weekend without proper showers, beds, and electronics. A few necessary bits and bobs should include baby wipes, hand sanitizer, dry shampoo, a toothbrush with toothpaste and plenty of deodorants. Whatever is necessary to keep you fresh and clean in the outdoors.

First Aid

You should take along a small first aid kit packed with plasters, bandages and antiseptic wipes. These will all come in invaluable if you end up with cuts and scrapes or rubbing from wellies. Take some tablets too; paracetamol or ibuprofen are a must for any festival goer. Ladies, remember to take plenty of sanitary products too.

 

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Make Up

Chances are, you’re not going to be too focused on your makeup. You will be getting ready in a tent and will be more focused on getting to see your favorite band than sticking fake eyelashes on. But festivals are a time when you can get creative with your look. Pack plenty of glitter, stick on jewels and anything else that you wouldn’t usually be able to get with on a day to day basis. It’s time for you to stand out with statement hair pieces and bold colors. Make heads turn.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

SEX & LIFE

The Two Keys to Settling Family Disputes

The Two Keys to Settling Family Disputes

Even the most tight-knit of families fight from time to time. So, if yours does, then fear not. It’s not because you don’t love each other. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to fall out forever. There are ways to settle even the most heated of family disputes, two of them can be found below.

 

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Put being happy before being right

 

By putting the happiness of both your family and yourself before a need to be right all the time, you will go a long way to not having to call a divorce attorney. This is because of the fact that most arguments between spouses don’t cease because either — or both — of them won’t give in until they are seen as the ones in the right. Neither will stop until the other admits they’re right. Neither will stop until they get the last word. But, when you really think about it — isn’t it this all a bit childish? Isn’t that something we’d expect our children to do, rather than ourselves? However, no matter how childish you may have realised it to be when looking in at it from the outside, when you are in the inside of it it doesn’t seem to be childish at all. It seems like the right thing to do. But trying to be right isn’t the right thing to do. Trying to be happy is. So, the next time you feel that unexplainable need to be right. Try to replace it with a need to be happy instead. And always remember that divorce is never your only option.

 

 

Tackle problems, not people

 

Yes, a dispute may have arisen in your family because somebody has done something terrible. But, before you starting coming down like a sack of potatoes on that particular person, try tackling the problem first. Let’s take the idea of your child getting his or herself in trouble with the police for a minor incident as an example. Yes, you are livid. Yes, it’s a good idea to make sure they know they have done wrong. But it is NOT a good idea to continue berating them until it causes a dispute. You should instead focus your efforts on to the problem itself and tackle that. It could mean you uncover that your child has been hanging around with the wrong crowd. You could uncover that your child had been influenced by them, or maybe had even been under the influence of alcohol. You could find out any number of bad things. But isn’t it better to know of these things, rather than to not know of them? By focusing your efforts on the problem you can uncover the truth about it far quicker. That then means the dispute is cleared up far quicker also.

 

 

For more resolutions for the plight of life that is family disputes, make sure to click here. And make sure to remember that, although there is an I in family, you can’t act for your own intentions. It’s healthy to focus on yourself regularly, but for the majority of the time you have to think about your family. So, let’s just pretend there is no I in family.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

ORGANIC HEALTH & HOME, SEX & LIFE

Stop Worrying So Much About Medical Operations!

Stop Worrying So Much About Medical Operations!

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Surgery is an amazing human accomplishment. Actually getting into somebody’s body in order to fix problems and not simply making the problem worse? (We’re looking at you, Middle Ages.) It’s up there with some of our greatest achievements, along with flying and the harnessing of electricity.

 

But despite all our surgical advances, there are still loads of people out there who are terrified of the idea of getting surgery. This isn’t to ignore the fact that pretty much everyone has some kind of anxiety about going under the knife. It’s not exactly anyone’s idea of a good time.

 

But for many people out there, it’s a little more acute. It goes beyond mere discomfort and anxiety and into a state of fear of an upcoming surgery. And who could blame them, really? When you go into surgery, you’re giving up power. You’re knocked out and handed to a bunch of people with extremely sharp instruments. Professional and talented people, yes… but still.

 

If you’re feeling nervous, then here are some tips for you.

 

Keep your mind occupied

 

There’s usually long time between the creation of the appointment and the surgery itself. It can be weeks or even months. The problem is that leaves a long time for the imagination to wander to unpleasant places! This is why you need to keep yourself as busy as possible. Exercise is great for this, as long as it’s compliant with your doctor’s orders. Books, movies, video games, creative projects, volunteer work, going out with friends… as long as it keeps your mind off of the upcoming surgery, you should consider it!

 

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Ask about alternative surgeries

 

Less invasive forms of surgery aren’t always highlighted by doctors, generally because they have a vested interest in you going with a particular type of surgery. You should inquire with your doctor about other treatments. You could get equally beneficial treatment without open surgery? Laser surgery, for example, is a lot less scary for many people. It’s not just for eyes; even spine problems can be dealt with using laser surgery!

 

Educate yourself!

 

We fear the unknown more than we fear anything else. This applies greatly to this situation. After all, you’re submitting yourself to a situation of pitch blackness while people prod at you with knives. But there’s paradoxical behavior that people engage in that makes it all worse: they’re convinced that reading more about the surgery will make their anxiety worse. In fact, the opposite is true; getting more details will reveal that it’s not as scary as you thought. Laser eye surgery, for example, seems pretty intense – but if you read into it, you’ll see that it’s actually nowhere near as scary as people think.

 

Nurture your trust

 

Not everyone medical professional is Gregory House! Doctors aren’t going to think any less of you or talk to you like you’re an idiot if you have concerns. Speak frankly with your doctor about your concerns. If you can get to know your surgeon a little more – even if it’s by researching their record – it will be much easier to be less anxious about going under their knife!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram