How To Help Kids Deal With Loss
It’s not a subject anyone ever really wants to dwell on, but all of us in life will, at some stage, lose a loved one. Whether a parent or a grandparent, a friend or spouse, or someone we lose tragically young, there is never a good time to see someone who means so much to us slip away. Even as we get older and the experience becomes more familiar, it never loses the capacity to hurt us because we know we won’t hear that voice, see that face, and have that conversation with them again.
It’s particularly hard for children to process loss because it’s generally a new experience for them, and the facts about death are still somewhat of a gray area for them. The grieving process is something they aren’t used to, and it is important for the adults around them to be ready to make sure they are OK. Coping with loss is never easy, but as adults, we at least have the ability to make sense of it – and so we need to make sure that we’re there as a buffer against that grief.
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Answer questions in a way that makes sense
How you think about death can vary depending on a number of factors, including faith and ideology. So it’s not really for anyone else to tell you how to answer questions about what happens after death. That being said, you do need to make sure that your answers help your child understand the situation. They won’t see their loved one again in this life, and it will hurt for a time, and sometimes we need to feel the pain to honor how much we loved them. They can still talk to their loved one whenever they want, though it won’t be like before – but most importantly, as their friend or relative moved on, they did so knowing they were loved.
Commemorate the deceased in a meaningful way
It is sometimes said that someone is never truly dead while their name is still spoken, and that’s a very positive way to see things. While someone’s influence is felt in this world, they’re still doing some good even after they have passed away. Commemorating them is a way to keep their memory, and therefore a part of them, alive. Picking fabrics from a quilt shop and making a commemorative quilt, compiling a photo album, or even curating a playlist of their favorite songs can keep their flame burning. So, too, can doing charitable works for a cause that is close to their heart.
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Remember that grief isn’t here today, gone tomorrow
Whatever age we are, we grieve those we have lost. After a while, the clouds begin to part, and we start to feel OK again. At that point, we may think we are over it, and for a child, this is a significant moment – because in the grip of grief, it is easy to feel like we’ll never be happy again. It’s important for you as an adult to remember that we can get pangs of delayed grief; you’ll be doing something completely unconnected, and it hits you again like a bolt from the blue. When this happens to a kid, they can be taken aback by the grief returning. Let them know this is normal. Love isn’t something that just stops, and nor is grief – but in time, the pain will subside, and you’ll be left with the happy memories.
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