By Tia Cristy

Friends with Benefits or Just a Booty Call?

A recent debate ignites over the topic of is there a difference between Friends with Benefits (FWB) and a Booty Call? It appears that it can be taken subjectively by some individuals, but the truth is for most people there is a significant difference.

After tallying a poll between men and women, over a twenty year-old age gap, I found more men than women didn’t really see a difference until being provided with the definition for each. More women than men on the other hand, clearly knew the difference without further explanation.

I found the biggest difference between FWB and a Booty call is being ‘friends’. In today’s world, random sexual encounters are readily available through hookup sites, but to maintain a FWB relationship, one must actually, in fact, have a mutually respected relationship of some form; usually in the form of friends.

So, what’s the point of being FWB and not just dive into a respectful committed relationship? The only reason that seemed to hold any merit is because sex is a mature decision that should always be safe and made with a clear conscience, but nobody wants to get emotionally hurt, right? FWB is a way for some individuals to have mature companionship without a full-blown commitment. Does it make sense? Sure, if you want something steady without feeling locked-down. Unlike random hookups, FWB isn’t a lack of feelings; it actually appears to put feelings and a specific relationship into a different box than the stereotypical caring relationship.

Booty calls and hookups are designed to intentionally disconnect any kind of emotional feelings to where one is able to only partake in a specific physical act.  How many times have you said or heard someone say they have trouble committing? Here’s the ironic part, one must understand sex in itself is a commitment. There is no do-over’s or denial that it happened when it’s finished. It’s a commitment to your partner and to yourself that you have weighed the pros and cons of this physical activity to the fullest and you and both parties are willing to move forth with the act.

So, why does it seem that men are having trouble with the concept of FWB when they (probably) created it? Well, FWB seems to be falling into a grey area since apps have made it easy (and confusing to the ego) to find someone local looking for a casual night. On the other hand, women are more accepting of being FWB, nowadays, since the process of courting or dating is almost non-existent with an extreme all or nothing policy being presented on any given dating site. It’s been mentioned to me that women have found FWB to be an outlet without allowing society pressures to force a decision on ‘is this guy the one or not? ’ or dating sites wanting to know if you’re ready for a marriage or a fling.

It’s important to understand that psychological and physical health that can be impeded by a life full of a plethora of random encounters, but I get it, not everyone is ready to settle down with the first face they find attractive.  Without judgment, I say to each their own- in their own time, but when you are about to engage into any sexual experience, I recommend communicating with your potential partner to be certain which kind of relationship you are getting involved with before you commit in the act of sex, and then come to find out you and your partner are not on the same page. I also believe falling into bed too soon can turn a ‘friend’ into a Booty Call, instantly, if the friendship’s foundation hasn’t had proper time to solidify. (We’ve all heard, at one point in time, from a girlfriend about that guy that was so amazing and funny before they had sex and now she suffers from confusion over his disconnection.)

As a Sexual Heath Tips provider and promoter of safe sex, I will not preach against anyone’s protected sexcapades, but for one to believe sex has the ability to lack any feeling, emotionally, baffles me personally since a human being must use every single muscle group to partake in the act. Those muscles include the brain and the heart. Science has shown the ‘healthiest sex’ is the monogamous kind when it comes to overall physical and emotional health while having the ultimate power to strengthen overall brain function.

So, to wrap this up, (no pun intended)… Is there a difference between FWB and a Booty call? Yes. And it is up to you, the Mature, that feel you are grown up enough to have a physical partner, to decipher which experience you want to commit to. As Evan Marc Katz said, “Men look for sex and find love. Women look for love and find sex.†Although sex feels good, when you find that one partner that is everything you could never imagine existing in one person…well …that feels amazing.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.