Do you feel like your sex life is a bit meh? You could be in a long-term relationship, and things aren’t what they used to be in the bedroom. The spark hasn’t just gone out; it’s completely non-existent. It’s not that you aren’t sexually attracted to one another, it’s just that something feels like it’s missing. You need to spice up your sex life and rejuvenate your relationship. By the time you’ve finished reading this article, you’ll be all over each other once more!
Get confident being naked
It’s true for many people that your confidence evaporates as you get a bit older. You used to feel great naked, but now everything has dropped an inch or two, and you’ve put on a bit of weight. So, it’s time to get back your mojo and feel good naked.
The easy way to do this is to identify your main issues. Do you feel self-conscious because your boobs are sagging? If so, you could always consider plastic surgery to make them perkier. There are many plastic surgery pros and cons, but the main advantage is that it massively boosts your confidence and mental wellbeing. If some added weight is your problem, think about following an exercise plan and getting fit. Deal with your issues, and you will feel way more confident with nothing on. This translates to a much more lively sex life!
Introduce some new ideas
If things feel stale, then mix them up a bit. Try new things and implement new ideas in the bedroom. You can get as crazy as you like, just be sure that both of you are comfortable. It adds some spice to proceedings as you’re not used to these new things. It brings back some of the excitement you used to feel!
You don’t have to go too crazy with your ideas; even some relatively mild introductions will do the trick. For example, maybe move things out of the bedroom and into the living room or kitchen. A change of scenery can really get the fires burning!
Try some role-play
You could include this in the previous point, but I think it deserves some solo attention. Role-playing is an excellent way of spicing up your sex life. Part of the reason that things have become so dull is that you’re too used to one another. There are no surprises anymore – things are always the same.
With role-playing, you can pretend to be different people. Make up your own stories and turn it into a proper game. It can be really funny and help you feel detached from your own personas. This makes things a bit more thrilling and adds a touch of spice to the bedroom.
To be honest, all of these ideas can apply to anybody in any stage of their relationships. Even if you’re single, and your sex life is a bit dull, try implementing these ideas. Relationships don’t depend on sex, but it is a big part of what makes your relationship unique. Otherwise, you’re just two close friends that spend a lot of time together.
Love is wonderful, but it’s not always easy. Relationships can be hard work, if you’re struggling with yours, here are three questions to ask yourself before throwing in the towel.
Has the argument/ issue only just cropped up?
If the problem in the relationship is new, then instead of throwing in the towel and running for the hills- give yourself some time. Think about things from your partners perspective, have some space if you need it and then come together and talk. Even if it feels serious at the time, it could well be something that you’re able to resolve together. The only exceptions here are infidelity and abuse, if the issue involves either of these then you’re best bet is almost always to leave. But many other problems can be worked out, and you can go on to be happy together again. If the argument is ongoing, and seems to be one of the main topics you bicker and row about then this can be a sign that you’re unable to get past it and might be a cue to speak to divorce lawyers. Ongoing arguments about the same things over and over is the signal of an unhealthy relationship as it shows you’re not able to resolve your problems, meaning they’ll keep on coming back around.
Do you need to work on yourself?
In relationships, it’s easy to blame the other person when things start going wrong or arguments occur. But take a step back and think objectively. Are there things you’re doing which make the situation worse? Maybe you’re controlling and jealous without even realising, and your partners outbursts are actually due to frustration and retaliation. Many of us paint ourselves as the victim in relationships and certain situations when it’s not always the case. Be mature enough to own up to your behaviour and figure out what you could be doing wrong. In many cases, issues in relationships are a result of both of your actions and not just one. It’s not to say you should blame yourself or make excuses for your partner’s bad behaviour- but do acknowledge if you have a part to play. Once you’re aware of this you’re able to take steps to stop and perhaps have a much happier relationship.
Have you considered therapy?
Relationships can get really messy, when you love your partner and a lot has gone on in the past and your feelings are all over the place it can be hard to communicate effectively. For this reason it’s well worth visiting a relationship therapist before you decide to call it quits. Sometimes, just being able to communicate your message in an environment where your partner has to listen to you, and vice versa is all you need. A therapist can give you tips on how to resolve arguments and speak to each other more clearly too to avoid future issues.
Take your culinary aphrodisiac adventures beyond oysters and chocolate-covered strawberries when it comes to romantic dinners. Below, we reveal more about aphrodisiac food and the different meals that you can create with these ingredients.
An ancient medicine used for centuries to reduce stress and cure impotence, ginseng is also legendary as a natural aphrodisiac. Ginseng helps to fight off fatigue and boosts stamina and is often found in Asian cuisine.
Garlic is another food with legendary status when it comes to its curative powers. Among its many purported properties is the ability to grant stamina and endurance. Consider a starter course with both garlic and cucumber, as the former is pungent, powerful, aromatic, as well as cucumber, which is also known for arousing aphrodisiac properties. Of course, you may want to avoid garlic on a first date! We must also stress the importance of choosing a restaurant with care for a first date. A lot of people use the likes of thechatlinenumbers.com to meet someone new, and so make sure you choose somewhere romantic yet also safe.
Abalone is known throughout the world for its rich and luxurious flavor, but in China it is also known for bringing good luck and acting as a powerful aphrodisiac.
Eggs of all varieties are legendary fertility symbols and considered by ancient peoples to hold mystical powers. As the king of eggs, caviar is one of the most luxurious and extravagant aphrodisiacs available.
In addition to being full of age-fighting antioxidants and natural vitamin E, asparagus also helps promote healthy hormone levels that can lead to an energetic sex life. This succulent spring vegetable helps your skin look and feel more youthful and promotes a healthy libido the natural way. Enjoy a refreshing vegetable dish with sautéed asparagus, water chestnut and gingko nuts for a healthy boost.
Sweet golden honey is one of the most romantic and sensual foods on the planet. The natural sugar in honey can give you a much needed pick me up in the middle of your meal and keep the dinner conversation flowing. Indulge all of your senses with luxurious barbecue prime Iberico pork with yellow mountain honey for an irresistibly seductive treat.
Cinnamon is yet another ancient spice with powerful medicinal properties and legendary rumors of its aphrodisiac properties. Consuming cinnamon produces actual heat in the body and is said to increase appetite, both physical and sexual. Finish your romantic dining experience with a spicy and elegant dessert. One suggestion we have is plum wine poached pear featuring the aphrodisiac candied ginger as well as cinnamon for a perfect and powerful sweet ending.
Romantic dining will never be the same now you know all about the best aphrodisiacs! From cinnamon to caviar, the options are well and truly varied. Which romantic meal will you go for when you are next dining out with your partner or a new date?
Love is a beautiful thing, and it comes in many forms. It can lead people in many directions, both good and bad. It can help restore us, and sometimes, it can be a challenge. That being said, following your heart and involving yourself in romantic love can be more than worth it if this is something you hope to do.
Staying realistic about romantic love can help you overcome your limitations, and may even improve you as a person. Many think that being aware and realistic about love is simply being pessimistic, but of course, pessimism is in no way more virtuous simply because it claims to be. The fact is that without positivity, care, and potential, staying realistic about anything is simply not wholly complete.
But how does this translate to love? And what are the benefits of staying realistic, rather than letting it sweep you away should it come to that? Additionally, how can you stay both humble in the presence of romance, while giving your all and showing the best of yourself? To that, we would offer the following advice:
Perfection Doesn’t Exist
Perfection simply does not exist. Even in the most fairytale union between two people, sooner or later, real life sets in. That being said, perfection is not what you need to be happy. In fact, it can be thoroughly stressful within itself, because you’ll always worry about how you can maintain it, which you can’t. That being said, a healthy relationship can exist, and loving someone deeply is more than possible. Ironically, this comes the moment when you stop expecting everyone to be perfect, because then you can see the actual good in them.
True Love Does Exist
True love does exist. It can often be found when looking in the right places, or getting assistance from a service to help you find those whom you have more than one thing in common with. True love may not be love at first sight, and it may not be love that comes as a result of saving the world with someone like we see in the movies. However, that shouldn’t turn you away from the power of finding and loving someone you appreciate. In fact, the opposite should be true.
You Curate Your Perfection
While perfection in an objective form does not exist, subjective perfection does. You can curate this carefully if you hope to. Simply trying to find someone perfect for you, such as through muslim marriage services or other outlets, can help you avoid wasting time in directions that do not bear fruit. Additionally, you’ll likely find a real sense of power in moving at a pace that’s right for you, not for others, as this in itself can get rid of the time-constraint worries that often plague new budding relationships. As they say, you can’t hurry love. That being said, while you may never have that 100% perfect romance character, you can make your love interest personally perfect for you, and sometimes, that in itself can be ever better.
With this advice, we hope you can stay realistic and optimistic about romantic love.
When a relationship breaks down, it can be difficult to keep things amicable no matter how hard you try. Although you were once in love and happy, now you are the polar opposite. You want to be as far away from your ex-partner as possible and you want to start afresh. It can be difficult to do this in a healthy way. Being on your own again can leave your self confidence sapped, you may be anxious about the future and you may feel low. A break up needn’t be a negative time in your life, and can be seen as a period of renewal. Take a look at how you can handle a relationship breakdown in a healthy way.
If you end a relationship to expect that you and your ex-partner can morph from lovers to friends seamlessly, you will be very much mistaken. In an ideal world, you may want to maintain contact, but this can hurt too much, especially for the person who is being broken up with. You need to give one another space. Many people do not remain in contact with their exes because they want to free themselves of the shackles of a relationship. It’s crucial that you can move forward without having your ex-partner in your life. You will have learned things from your relationship that can help you grow as a person. See this as a positive thing and have fond memories of your time together.
If you share children, break ups take on another level of complexity. While you could call a child custody lawyer, you may want to try and come to an amicable understanding about visitation and parenting that doesn’t involve the courts.
Do Something For You
Breaking up with someone can be isolating and can leave you feeling lonely. Those times when you were on dates, at the movies or having dinner will now be time spent on your own. While this can come as a shock and leave you feeling low, you can also use this time to do new things for yourself. If you want to try something new, enroll in that art class you like the look of, head to the gym more often and try out the free piano lesson that’s being advertised.
You might also want to give your image an overhaul. While a bit of a relationship ending cliche, people do take the time to refresh their look as they move into a new stage of their life.
While you won’t be running away, it’s a good idea to have some physical space between you and your ex-partner. Take some of the holiday that you are owed from work and consider traveling somewhere that you have always wanted to visit. You can head to Iceland to see the Northern Lights, do a spot of backpacking in Goa, or venture to Peru to trek the Inca Trail. Go on a solo travel adventure and immerse yourself in new cultures, try new cuisine and enjoy witnessing new vistas.
Breaking up with a partner can leave you feeling like a failure. However, it may help to see the situation as one door closing, yet another one opening, to help you maintain a positive attitude as you look to the future.
If you’re worried about your health and you’re looking for advice when it comes to focussing on your wellbeing then don’t worry, you have definitely come to the right place. From improving your diet to spending time with people that make you happy, there are lots of different things you can do as a woman to ensure you’re being as healthy as you can be. With that in mind, here are 4 ways to look after your health as a woman:
– Know When It Is Time To Visit A Doctor
One of the most important aspects of looking after your health is knowing when it is the right time to visit a doctor. Whether you’re struggling with a physical problem or you’ve been experiencing problems with your mental health, you need to know when it’s time to book an appointment. If you’re unsure, you might want to consider asking a professionals advice too. In most cases, you will find that you can call your doctor’s surgery and ask if you need to see someone or if you can visit a pharmacy instead.
Another great way to look after your health is to ensure you are sticking to a healthy diet. Although this doesn’t mean you need to count your calories, it does mean you need to think about what you are eating and when. If possible, try to limit the number of treats you’re eating.
When it comes to drinking water, you need to have at least 2 litres a day. If you struggle to drink enough water and you need a little bit of guidance, you can visit this site here.
– Look After Your Sexual Health
When it comes to looking after your health as a woman, you need to make sure you are doing everything you can to look after your sexual health. Whether that means practising safe sex or seeing a doctor to treat vaginosis, you need to put your health first. If you need more information when it comes to bacterial vaginosis treatment and how it can affect you, you can visit this handy site here.
– Surround Yourself With People That Make You Smile
Finally, you need to surround yourself with people that make you smile. Looking after your mental health is incredibly important and one of the best ways to look after your wellbeing is to be with people that you love and care about. Whether that means spending time with your family at home or visiting your friends in the city, the more time you spend with them the better.
Do you worry about your health as a woman? What can you do to ensure you’re being as healthy as you possibly can? Did we miss anything off of the list? Let me know your thoughts and ideas in the comments section below.
It can be difficult to make the right connections with the right people, and then assuming that you do manage to find a spark with a special someone, you then have the challenge of building a relationship with them. This should be fun and enjoyable, but we know that it can also have its rocky moments. Which is why today we want to share with you 3 ways to a healthy relationship.
You need to be open and honest with your partner and communicate effectively with them. If you are struggling with anything, you should be able to talk to them and trust in them to support you. You should be able to talk over the woes of your day freely with them and laugh together.
Some people are more chatty and communicative than others, but this need not be a barrier unless you make it one. If your partner is quiet, accept that about them, learn to read their moods and you will soon know whether you need to chat anything through with them.
If there are issues within your relationship you need to sit down and talk them through. Things rarely get better just by waiting them out, and neither of you are mind-readers so you do need to lay it out on the table so that you can move forward.
It is helpful to have shared interests, as you will then always have things to talk about, connect over and enjoy together. Perhaps you both love a certain sport, going to the movies, have the same group of friends or share a love of travel. Or perhaps it is more about your nature, and you have the same sense of humour, similar belief systems or attitudes to others and the world around you. These are the things that will both attract you and hold you together.
This is not to say that you need to be in one another’s pockets. It is also important to have your own separate social lives, as you want to come to each other as complete and happy individuals, not be reliant on each other to fulfil all of your needs.
Sex and trust
You do need to agree your emotional and sexual boundaries within any new relationship. Is this to be monotonous or are you open to seeing other people? Agree this early on to avoid any pain or confusion further down the line.
You then need to take your own sexual needs seriously and ensure that you are taking care of yourself and your body, so that you are leading a sexually healthy lifestyle. You need to be able to speak up for what you want, what you don’t want and what is important to you physically and emotionally. In doing so, you need to feel able to trust in your partner.
If this is an area that you are struggling with, it can be worth trying Sex Therapy & Counselling and try to avoid seeing this as a last ditch solution. This is something worth addressing sooner rather than later and can help to make a young relationship flourish or reignite long term relationships.
There are many ways you can stay fit and healthy for your body, but what about sexuality? Sex is a part of everyone, you can’t help being who you are and we all have urges. However rather than thinking about sexy only when we want it, we need to start living a more sexually healthy lifestyle as well. For example, you may not even know that there are certain things you can do to improve your sexdrive and the health of your reproductive organs. We can’t demand our respective tools to jump into life whenever we want them to and not be in some kind of discomfort. We need to have a good heart first of all as our blood pressure and heart rate massively spike when we are in the act. We also need to stay active in between each meeting and that requires some different kinds of exercises.
For your benefit
The fat distribution for men and women is very different. Men store most of their fat on their upper body. Usually it’s all around their stomach and on the waist. For women however it’s mostly in the lower body such as in the hips, buttocks and legs. So to help your body be more ready for sex, you should workout these areas the more often. You don’t need to do weight training as this will burn off a lot of fat which you need. Instead you should do aerobics that focus on your buttocks and legs. This can be things like standing bodyweight squats, calf toning exercises and lunges to improve your rear. Overall this helps your joints as well, making you more flexible and improving your overall stamina too.
On the go
You’d be surprised at how many couples have spontaneous sex. It’s not all about pre-planned meals with candlelights and romantic music. Many people would prefer to just have sex when they want it no matter where it is than have it planned. It’s just more exciting that way, but don’t forget you don’t want any unplanned mishaps. The benefit of pre-planned sex is that you can plan it out; obviously. So if you’re on the go, don’t make the unfortunate mistake of not carrying contraception options. You have many different contraceptive measures for men but also for women. It’s not just the pill, but things like the femidom and the ring. These things will help you and your partner have safer sex and prevent diseases from spreading or any unwanted pregnancies from occuring.
Engage in fantasy
Believe it not, sex can get boring. If it’s just too predictable it becomes a chore rather than a pleasure. So engage in fantasy. Talk about your sexual desires, secrets and fantasies with your partner. But don’t just talk about them, act them out. You can fulfill each other’s fantasies and mix it up a bit. Keep sex fun, adventurous and indulge in your guilty pleasures.
Many of us aren’t worried about sex until we need it. You should work to have a better, healthier sex life by keeping your body is tip top shape. Engage in fantasies and spontaneous sex, but always be careful and be safe as well.
Grey Area of Consensual
Sex: You Are Not 50 Shades of Christian Grey
By: Tia Cristy
first time I saw 50 Shades of Grey was at a private promotional showing with
about fifty of my co-workers, including my boss and his wife… Awkward.
Nevertheless, no matter how uncomfortable
the situation was, in which I was watching the box-office porn, the fact was
the title was becoming a household name worldwide.
People of all ages were getting the inside scoop on non-disclosed kink. Even my
dad, who never saw the movie, nor read the books, could make references to the
storyline. Talk about really awkward—Side note: I’m now a firm believer that
some things should never be discussed between a father and a daughter.
Anyhow, after the movie hit nationwide, the increase of emergency room visits due to sexually related injuries jumped up to a huge 20%. As a Lifestyle Blogger and talk show guest that preaches on sexual health, I felt it was imperative to work with the right experts to help couples learn proper etiquette in spicing up their love life. I started to publish posts and infographics on things like, Introduction to Bondage. I thought if curious men and women had the right information, they could safely venture into uncharted territories without ending up in the ER. Right?
Let’s skip ahead…
50 Shades Trilogy now available OnDemand… I sat down with a gynecologist specialist, who has been my long-time confidential source for Sexual Health. We discussed some incredibly disturbing stats. The increasing cases of women coming into her office with serious sexual trauma that was encountered during consensual sex is staggering. ‘Smash, pound, break or tear up’ have all been used as synonyms for sex, but these words should never be taken literal. Women have resulted in being beaten, strangled, scratched, bitten, torn, etc. all with the intent of having enjoyable, agreed-upon sex.
Whether it was called making love, a booty-call or simply a good-time, at some point the objective of pleasurable sex went terribly wrong amidst intercourse. External and internal injuries were obtained. Short-term and long-term damages were done physically as well as emotionally. And sadly, the culprit of it all stems from some undereducated partner acting out some over ambitious fantasy and chalking it up to having a good ‘fuck’. Let me break it to you, there’s nothing good about this kind of intimacy. The reason I can openly say ‘under-educated’ is simple, and this might come as a shock to some, but the fact is life is not a porno.
Here’s a quick history lesson…
Pornography was originally created, many moons ago, to be an educational tool for husbands and wives to have better sex lives, but quickly shifted into the world of entertainment. Professional studio-created porn was, and still is, acting. A tap can appear like a slap and what looks like a bite is actually a brush of the teeth, all in hopes to heighten the visual allure. And yes, many individuals find the thought of shedding the stink of their own dull, boring, or routine sex lives very appealing. There is a multi-billion-dollar industry that is banking on the fact that you and your partner are ready to take it up a notch in the bedroom.
There are plenty of toys, gadgets, videos and clothing that can help bolster a couple going through a dry spell. Judge-free, if that is for you and your mate. My only advice, understand how it works. Just because you see a pilot fly a plane, doesn’t mean you instantly know how to do it. Be sure to do your research on safety, including proper hygiene. And please, only proceed when you know that you and your partner are both on the same page.
Crossing the line…
a very thin line detecting pleasure between pain when it comes to the receptors
in the brain. Even though, there is an incredible difference from the mind
wanting to do that again, or saying, WARNING: Never Again!
you are making someone bleed or say ‘ouch’ during one of the most intimate and
vulnerable moments of your lives, you are doing something really wrong!
I need you to hear this loud and clear: if you are allowing your partner to
cause more pain than pleasure or they are provoking any kind of damage to your
cervix, all in the name of a ‘good-time’, you, too, are doing it wrong!
past week, several newly-released comedies have referred to rough sex and strangulation
as the new normal. This action should not be perceived as the standard in
exploring one another. I’m not criticizing lovers that prefer some titillating
practices. I’m only suggesting you and your partner cultivate a sexual experience
you can both enjoy. Sex is about trust, and like as with anything else in life,
trust builds over time.
There’s a sad truth in which society wants to
take love out of the bedroom and replace it with carnal desires. Not everyone
agrees with this trend. However, if you do agree – fantastic! If that’s your
kind of thing. But don’t remove compassion and call it passion. I think being
adventurous in between the sheets is absolutely healthy, especially when you
and your partner have taken all the proper precautions. Including, and I can’t
stress this enough, you must both be ready and willing!
thumb: if you wouldn’t want it done to you, then you probably shouldn’t be
doing it to your partner unless they request it, and vice versa.
All that being said…
Sexual injuries caused by a consensual sex partner are climbing at an appalling and unpredictable rate. In these such cases, women are on the verge of appearing assaulted. There is no demographical or stereotypical pattern. These are upstanding, strong, educated women. These inflicted injuries have affected a range of individuals who have just met their partner to lovers, who have been ‘experimenting’ within a committed, long-term relationship. The age ranges fluctuate, too. But the one thing that all these cases have in common is the injured party, who is left feeling confused, ashamed and violated. This kind of practice bares some questions.
Is this sexual assault? No. Okay, well then is this consensual? Not exactly. Don’t get hysterical by my choice of words. There is a HUGE difference between someone being forced to do something beyond their will and someone that voluntarily took part in an intimate experience. None-the-less, most of these injured women experienced many moments of pleasure coupled with veins of sheer terror. Hence why, the aftermath takes such a physical and emotional toll. This area is the only shade of this Grey we should be focusing on and fix it before it ruins lives and reputations. No one is saying the individuals in these cases are ready to march in the #metoo movement. But no one, and I mean no one, should be physically hurt or humiliated while partaking in close human contact.
stand up for one another, on so many other important ‘body’ matters nowadays,
it is also time to stand up for intimacy. For women, …and men. And above all,
for the younger generations and the ‘human’ in all of us. Let’s not be fooled
here. Passing off pinned up sexual aggression or re-enacting what you might
have seen on the flat screen as the proper way to engage in a sexual
experience, while your partner isn’t enjoying themselves, is simply yucky!
If you are the dominate…
Please speak openly with your partner on your desires. Respect their boundaries. Have a safe word. And most of all, remember, no means no. Real life isn’t a movie and you are not Christian Grey, okay.
If you are the submissive…
Boldly voice your concerns. Bad choices can bring on regret, but regret doesn’t equal victim. So, don’t be shy to speak up if you aren’t enjoying yourself. If something hurts, tell your partner. And if things are getting out of control, try to smartly defuse the situation without causing confrontation, and do your best to get out of there. Don’t be a victim.
to my source, another thing that should be brought to light is the alarming
misuse of medications among the younger generations. Cocktails mixed with
erection-stimulating meds and/or steroid use in order to lengthen the sexual
experience is causing destressing, unwarranted aggression within the bedroom.
Using medications without doctor’s supervision can cause serious mental issues
like ‘roid-rage’ and/or physical, irrevocable damages to yourself and your
partner. There’s a strong possibility these concoctions are impairing the user
judgment and sensation, causing them to thrust or pounce with more aggression. And
because they’re numb, they are unaware of their vigor and the potential pain
they are inflicting. This combination only has the opportunity of ending in devastating
damage to both parties. Seriously, it’s not worth the risk. It’s safer, smarter,
and honestly, more enjoyable to live out your fantasies one round at a time, no
matter how quick it is.
love and desire for your partner does, truthfully, enhance the fantasy world.
However, we all know hook-ups happen. Safety is the first thing to practice in
every sexual situation, starting with protection. Condoms and dental dams
really do reduce the chances of spreading nasty things. So, whether you’re a
man or a woman, if some sly one tells you, ‘It doesn’t feel as good with
protection’. Your only response should be, ‘But it feels so much better than no
Let’s clear up any misunderstandings…
This isn’t men vs. women’s primal desires. This is about achieving desires and not disasters. This isn’t a sexuality issue. This is a sex issue. This isn’t a generational problem. This is a lack-of-information problem. Sex shouldn’t leave someone physically damaged.
all you think you know about the red-room of pain, and have an honest and
colorful conversation about your sexual wants and needs. Don’t let any form of
entertainment give you a false assessment of what real intercourse should be.
We need to address this issue before things get out completely out of hand.
With so many sexual accusations flying around out there and people making laws
about what people can and can’t do with their bodies, this is one of those
situations that can cause a lot of future complications if not discussed and
handled maturely between partners.
At the risk of sounding 100 years-old, you need to understand your body is the most precious thing that you can share with another human being. According to recent surveys, monogamy is making a strong comeback in both heterosexual and LGBT circles. Fantasies are finding ways to becoming healthy realties. And protected sex is considered cool. So, let’s take all the trauma and the 50 Shades of ‘scary’ out of intimacy. Sex should be a beautiful thing. And exploration should feel good. Whether you like it or not, humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason. And unlike the necessity it is within the animal kingdom, humans can choose to have sex for pleasure, love and closeness. So, do the rest of the mobile upright a favor, and stop taking yourself and others for granted.
There are, unfortunately, a lot of things that can cause of misery in life — but heartbreak often does the most damage to our sense of wellbeing and our ability to look forward, optimistically, to the future.
Yet there is no heartbreak equivalent to a personal injury lawyer, and no insurance that you can take out on your emotional wellbeing. Instead, all you can do to protect yourself from a broken heart is to be careful of how you act, and to try and put your trust in the right person.
There’s never a guarantee that you won’t experience heartache, and a lot depends on the actions of the other person. But since you can do something about how you act and behave, here are some tips for avoiding unnecessary pain and heartache in your romantic life.
Realise that the thrill you feel at the start of a relationship is different from love — love is something you discover and build over time
A lot of people are constantly hopping from one partner to the next, not because they never connect with their previous partners, or because things are just unbearable, but because they are looking for the wrong thing.
It’s common that serial monogamists will stick with a partner as long as the new-relationship-thrill hangs around. But when that seems to fade, they take it as a sign that it wasn’t real love, and go looking for real love with someone else.
It’s important to understand that the thrill you feel at the start of a relationship is different from love. That thrill is part animal attraction, part the thrill of the chase, and part your own subconscious projections onto the other person.
Love is something that you discover and build over time. Love is the little comments and habits that make you melt. It’s the inside jokes, and the shoulder to cry on during tough times. It’s looking forward to waking up next to your partner.
Make sure that you’re not confusing the two things.
Be truthful and express yourself carefully — even “white lies” can sink everything
They say that honesty is the best policy, and they’re right, especially when it comes to relationships.
If you begin your relationship on a bed of untruth — even if you’re telling “white lies” you only guarantee that bigger lies will be built on top of them over time, and that the trust and health of your relationship will be seriously wounded, or destroyed, sooner or later.
Commit to being completely truthful, and express yourself carefully, instead. If your partner asks “do I do anything that annoys you?” answer gently but truthfully. It’s better than saying “no” and then spending months or years being irritated by their everyday habits, until you lash out during an argument.
Take responsibility for how you act in the relationship, don’t try and force your partner to change how they act
We might all want our partners to behave more in one way, and less in another, but the truth is that no one changes unless that change comes from within.
In your relationship, you should take responsibility for how you act — because that’s in your control.
But you should not try and force your partner to change how they act. It will not work, and it will cause tension, anger, and hurt feelings. At best you can gently ask if they’d be willing to do things differently, then leave it at that.
Ultimately, the best way to get your partner to change is usually to “be the change you want to see.” Act a certain way yourself, let the example rub off, and hope for the best.