Tag Archives: relationship issues

Relationships 101: Couples That Invest Together Last

Relationships 101: Couples That Invest Together Last

The money talk between couples is sensitive and should be approached carefully; it can make or break a relationship. Dealing with finances before marriage can be easy, but when a partner comes into the picture, some changes will need to take place for you to manage certain investments. After being married for some years, both of you will probably have figured out which credit accounts and expenses to share and those that should remain separate.

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When it comes to long-term, bigger-picture finance plans for the future, making decisions can be challenging. Some strategies can work well for each individual but become a whole different approach when you are together. Below are a few investment tips that you and your spouse can utilize.

Keep aside savings for retirement

As you start saving for your retirement, talk, and decide on issues concerning retirement with your spouse. They include when you would like to retire, where to travel, where to live, and if you will need to start a business so that you can be on the same page. The recommended amount of investment is 15% of your total income once you clear your debt and have a fully backed emergency fund.

Weigh different investment options

Make use of accounts like a Roth IRA and your work 401(k) that offer various tax advantages. While you can combine finances and open joint bank accounts once you’re married, you can’t open a joint IRA or 401(k); they are only for individuals. Currently, taxable joined investment accounts are available. However, only invest in them once you max out tax-advantaged accounts.

If you have a spouse that stays at home while you work, you can still save with a spousal IRA. They have the same income and contribution limits as other IRAs, but to save with it, you must file a joint tax return.

Choose an ideal healthcare plan

Health insurance is one of the most expensive household expenses. If you both have access to health insurance provided at your workplace, you can decide whether to double up under one spouse or have individual plans. You can move the entire household into a family plan or cover your children under one parent. Where one partner has strong coverage in areas like vision, and dental plans, consider the size of out-of-pocket and deductible maximums.

Consider how often you and your household seek treatment, and look for benefits in healthcare niches such as mental health care, special needs therapies, and fertility treatments. Also, include your preferred doctors in your plan.

Get life insurance to protect your loved ones

If you have a family that depends on you, life insurance will protect them in case anything happens to you. As much as you are saving for retirement, life insurance will give you and your family some peace of mind. You can both get a policy of about 15 to 20 years, worth ten to twelve times your yearly income. Once your life insurance term is over, you will be self-insured with your retirement savings.

Plan before Investing in a family home

Purchasing a home is one of the crucial steps you and your spouse will take. Before you start going over real-estate websites and organizing a list of things you’d like for your house, ask yourself the following questions.

  • Why purchase a house now? Consider if you need to buy one because you need a bigger home for your family if you want to stop renting, move to a better neighborhood, or if new constructions are coming up that you would like to invest in.
  • How much can you afford? Agree on a budget that is affordable to avoid future disagreements over excess budget costs. Visit MortgageCalculator.Org to estimate your monthly payments and figure out the amount you can qualify for.
  • How is your credit score? Request for both of your credit reports and go over them carefully. If there are any errors, you can have them fixed on time to avoid delay in mortgage approval for your dream home.

Hire an investment professional

To achieve your investment goals, hire a professional who will guide you. Poor investment decisions can cause major setbacks, financial mistakes, frustration, and tension between couples. Professionals will analyze your investment options and see you through all the processes making your work easy and more successful.

Bottom Line

To create lasting fulfillment in life and love, you need to discuss as a couple your investment options to secure your future. Save for retirement, understand the available investment options, and choose those that are favorable. Also, get life insurance, choose an ideal healthcare plan for you and your family, plan for your dream home, and hire a professional to guide you.

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Can A Marriage Ever Be The Same After It Gets Personal?

Can A Marriage Ever Be The Same After It Gets Personal?

Marriages are supposed to be rock solid, at least in principle. The two people involved have to be able to throw verbal shots at each other and in the end, it’s all just in fun or positive critique. This is for things like, when your spouse is getting a little overweight and you have to say something otherwise you won’t be attractive to them anymore. It’s the same for when you are acting like a jerk at a party, and your spouse needs to remind you to behave. Things like this should always fall into the realm of ‘safe’ critique. But when things get personal, this can lead to the end of the road. 

When your work is mocked

Perhaps more so for women in the modern age than men, when your job or profession is mocked by your spouse, it can tear a rift between you. Women and men are very sensitive about their work, and the only kind of words they want from their wife or husband are supportive. When your spouse starts to mock your working hours, how dedicated you are, how much time you spend doing work at home, this can lead to big differences.

Imagine being so passionate about something that you dedicate your life to it, and then, your wife starts to make it seem like what you do is unimportant. Or how about when you have gotten a big promotion that you have dreamed of, and your husband says ‘you love your job more than the marriage’? This is something that cannot be taken any other way, other than personal. Don’t do this if you want to have a nice marriage!

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When violence is involved

This next one is pretty easy to understand, yet difficult to pick up when it’s you in the middle. It’s normal to sort of hit each other, but in a playful or nonchalant want. When your husband just won’t pick his feet up so you can vacuum under the table, then you can give him a little pinch on his feet or leg. That’s normal. But, when you are pinched really hard for not doing something they wanted, such as at parties or while out in public. This is abuse.

When it gets worse and you are being punched, kicked, scratched or otherwise, then you should consider calling Divorce Lawyers. They will build up a case of the pressure you have been under and make any family court judge consider you when it comes to child custody. If you want to consider child support, then call up the lawyers and ask them what they could do for you. 

Constant nitpicking

When your partner is constantly dragging you down on your appearance, this is either something you should take for a complaint, or something personal. It depends on how many times they do this. If you know you’re overweight, then consider losing weight. But when you are doing great, keeping fit and taking care of yourself but they are still nitpicking, this is something that is personal and beyond what a lover should do.

Marriage is never something to be taken for granted and when things get personal, it can often spell the end. So avoid doing these things, or spot them when they are happening to you.

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Can Your Marriage Recover From An Affair?

Can Your Marriage Recover From An Affair?

Marriage is hard, plain and simple. Even couples who are very much in love struggle to grapple with the longevity of their relationship, even when on the outside they appear incandescently happy all the time. Unhappiness comes and goes in marriages, even happy ones – the key is how we deal with these waves of discontent. In some marriage or long term partnerships, people deal with their unhappiness by having affairs. No matter what the issue, we can all agree that cheating is a big mistake. Yet according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 15% of women and 25% of men in marriages have had affairs. So what’s the solution? Can a marriage recover from an affair, or is it game over?

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Taking On The Problems

The answer to this lies purely in the couple’s ability to tackle their issues head-on. When infidelity occurs, on either side or even sometimes on both sides, the heartbreak can feel too raw and too much of a betrayal to continue with the relationship. Hence, couples split up over affairs. However, there is a chance that as a couple, you can emerge from this painful point in your marriage as stronger and more unified than ever. The way you must do this is by tackling your problems head-on. If you decide to stay in the marriage and work on things, there is a danger of letting yourselves slip back into old patterns – the patterns which created the environment in which the affair happened. Changing the fabric of your relationship is the only solution. 

Laying It All Out On The Table

When a major breach of trust has occurred, nothing is off the table. It’s time to get all your feelings out in the open. Only after the truth is out can you begin to heal as a couple. This can be a very vulnerable process which hurts a lot. Here are a few ways to deal with this healthily. 

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  1. Couple therapy. It is highly advisable that you see a couples therapist when trying to heal from an affair. This is because therapists are skilled mediators; they can help you to communicate with each other in a structured space. This means that all the emotions that will pour out can be taken in properly, and used to fortify your relationship, rather than further break it down. Affair recovery for couples is a long, hard road, but with a mediator, things are easier. 
  2. Spending time alone. Even if you decide to stay together, it is helpful for your personal recuperation to spend more time apart than usual. This helps you clear your head and understand what it is you truly feel, and what you want. 
  3. Writing things down. If you are struggling to articulate what you feel, write a letter to your spouse. Let all your feelings pour onto the page; this is very cathartic and can help you express your true feelings. 

In conclusion: marriages can recover from affairs with careful guidance and commitment to changing how your relationship operates. There is still hope!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Who Is Impacted By Your Divorce?

Who Is Impacted By Your Divorce?

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Divorce is becoming increasingly common in modern society. No matter how you feel about this sort of process, it’s likely that this trend will continue into the future. Going through a divorce is often looked at an experience shared by two people, though it will usually impact far more people than just you and your ex-partner. It’s always worth thinking about the way this decision could affect those you care about, ensuring that you have the opportunity to minimize the problems this could cause.

Your Kids

Parents with children always have to think about how a divorce could impact their little ones. Kids won’t want you to go through this, and it will be very difficult to explain why it’s happening. It’s worth being honest with them as much as you can, without saying anything negative about their other parent. The effects of divorce on children can be quite severe, lasting long into their future. Working hard to have a civil and argument-free divorce is the best approach to take when you have children in the middle of this.

Your Family

Parents, siblings, and other close family members will also be impacted by the divorce you go through. It’s common for people to build good relationships with their in-laws, despite the impressive that television gives. This can make it a little awkward for people to talk about the divorce, while also creating potential tension in the future if family members want to maintain their friendship with your ex. This doesn’t have to be horrible if you are open to being friends with your old partner.

Your Friends

Couples always end up sharing friends, and this is a nice process that builds lasting circles. When you decide to go through a divorce, though, it can make it difficult for those who see themselves as good friends to both you and your partner. You should avoid saying negative things about your partner around people like this as much as you can, while also working to avoid awkwardness if you ever find yourself invited to the same events.

You

While it may seem obvious, many people fail to think about themselves properly when they decide to go through a divorce. You have to make sure that you’re ready to go out into the world on your own again, planning for the new life you will be leading. There will be challenges to face, but you can usually make the process much easier for yourself and your ex-partner by working to have a smooth divorce. 

With all of this in mind, you should be feeling ready to take on the challenge of minimize the impact your divorce has on the people around you. A lot of people struggle with this sort of process, finding it hard to know what action to take at each stage. Of course, though, you know the people you care about, and this should be a great tool when you’re trying to avoid hurting them.

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What To Do If You Suspect You’re Being Cheated On

What To Do If You Suspect You’re Being Cheated On

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Nobody wants to be in a position where you think you’re being cheated on. It’s horrible because you feel like you’re paranoid, but all of the signs are there. Your partner spends hours away from you with no contact whatsoever – not even a message. They seem very panicked and twitchy when you walk by them, and they’re on their phone. No doubt you’ve seen many quick closes of WhatsApp or Snapchat when you’re around them!

None of the signs are good, so what do you do when you suspect you’re being cheated on? Realistically, there are only a handful of things you can do:

Ask your friends for advice

Speak to your friends and ask them if they think you’re being crazy or not. They may see all of your evidence and suggest that you have a genuine thing to worry about. As a result, they might help you uncover the truth behind all of the lies. Perhaps they will try to follow your partner when they go out, seeing where they go. Or, they could talk directly to your partner to see how they feel about your relationship. This works best when you have mutual friends that both of you talk to a lot. At the very least, your friends can provide support if you need it. 

Consider taking more drastic measures

The problem with this situation is that you may have to take some slightly unethical measures. Well, they’re only unethical if your suspicions are incorrect. You could hire a private investigator or a Snapchat hacker to get to the bottom of things and look in on what your partner is doing. This will help you see things that you’d otherwise be unable to see. If anything, ideas like this will guarantee that you find the truth. It’s a terrible situation because if everything checks out and they weren’t cheating, you feel awful. Do you have to tell your partner what you’ve done? You could argue that their dodgy behaviour warranted this, but it’s a tough debate to have with yourself. Regardless, you should only jump to this step if you are very confident that something is going on, and you need proof before making a confrontation. 

Speak to your partner

Ultimately, this is the best thing you can do. Okay, it’s not the best, but it’s a step you can’t avoid. You must confront your partner with your suspicions and lay all of the evidence before them. This way, you can show them why you’ve been suspicious. Even if you’re wrong, the evidence you present should be enough to make them understand why you thought this way. As such, they can’t be annoyed at you if they haven’t done anything wrong. Sadly, in situations like this, your intuition is normally correct, and they have been unfaithful. 
Like I said, this is a part of a relationship nobody wants to go through. Cheating is wrong on so many levels, and there are various reasons people do it. Don’t jump to conclusions; spend time monitoring your partner’s behaviour and collecting evidence before you confront them. Then, it’s up to you to decide what happens next.

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3 Simple Ways To Boost Your Sex Life

3 Simple Ways To Boost Your Sex Life

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Do you feel like your sex life is a bit meh? You could be in a long-term relationship, and things aren’t what they used to be in the bedroom. The spark hasn’t just gone out; it’s completely non-existent. It’s not that you aren’t sexually attracted to one another, it’s just that something feels like it’s missing. You need to spice up your sex life and rejuvenate your relationship. By the time you’ve finished reading this article, you’ll be all over each other once more!

Get confident being naked

It’s true for many people that your confidence evaporates as you get a bit older. You used to feel great naked, but now everything has dropped an inch or two, and you’ve put on a bit of weight. So, it’s time to get back your mojo and feel good naked. 

The easy way to do this is to identify your main issues. Do you feel self-conscious because your boobs are sagging? If so, you could always consider plastic surgery to make them perkier. There are many plastic surgery pros and cons, but the main advantage is that it massively boosts your confidence and mental wellbeing. If some added weight is your problem, think about following an exercise plan and getting fit. Deal with your issues, and you will feel way more confident with nothing on. This translates to a much more lively sex life!

Introduce some new ideas

If things feel stale, then mix them up a bit. Try new things and implement new ideas in the bedroom. You can get as crazy as you like, just be sure that both of you are comfortable. It adds some spice to proceedings as you’re not used to these new things. It brings back some of the excitement you used to feel!

You don’t have to go too crazy with your ideas; even some relatively mild introductions will do the trick. For example, maybe move things out of the bedroom and into the living room or kitchen. A change of scenery can really get the fires burning!

Try some role-play

You could include this in the previous point, but I think it deserves some solo attention. Role-playing is an excellent way of spicing up your sex life. Part of the reason that things have become so dull is that you’re too used to one another. There are no surprises anymore – things are always the same. 

With role-playing, you can pretend to be different people. Make up your own stories and turn it into a proper game. It can be really funny and help you feel detached from your own personas. This makes things a bit more thrilling and adds a touch of spice to the bedroom. 

To be honest, all of these ideas can apply to anybody in any stage of their relationships. Even if you’re single, and your sex life is a bit dull, try implementing these ideas. Relationships don’t depend on sex, but it is a big part of what makes your relationship unique. Otherwise, you’re just two close friends that spend a lot of time together.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Relationship on the Rocks: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Relationship on the Rocks: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

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Love is wonderful, but it’s not always easy. Relationships can be hard work, if you’re struggling with yours, here are three questions to ask yourself before throwing in the towel.

Has the argument/ issue only just cropped up?

If the problem in the relationship is new, then instead of throwing in the towel and running for the hills- give yourself some time. Think about things from your partners perspective, have some space if you need it and then come together and talk. Even if it feels serious at the time, it could well be something that you’re able to resolve together. The only exceptions here are infidelity and abuse, if the issue involves either of these then you’re best bet is almost always to leave. But many other problems can be worked out, and you can go on to be happy together again. If the argument is ongoing, and seems to be one of the main topics you bicker and row about then this can be a sign that you’re unable to get past it and might be a cue to speak to divorce lawyers. Ongoing arguments about the same things over and over is the signal of an unhealthy relationship as it shows you’re not able to resolve your problems, meaning they’ll keep on coming back around. 

Do you need to work on yourself?

In relationships, it’s easy to blame the other person when things start going wrong or arguments occur. But take a step back and think objectively. Are there things you’re doing which make the situation worse? Maybe you’re controlling and jealous without even realising, and your partners outbursts are actually due to frustration and retaliation. Many of us paint ourselves as the victim in relationships and certain situations when it’s not always the case. Be mature enough to own up to your behaviour and figure out what you could be doing wrong. In many cases, issues in relationships are a result of both of your actions and not just one. It’s not to say you should blame yourself or make excuses for your partner’s bad behaviour- but do acknowledge if you have a part to play. Once you’re aware of this you’re able to take steps to stop and perhaps have a much happier relationship.

Have you considered therapy?

Relationships can get really messy, when you love your partner and a lot has gone on in the past and your feelings are all over the place it can be hard to communicate effectively. For this reason it’s well worth visiting a relationship therapist before you decide to call it quits. Sometimes, just being able to communicate your message in an environment where your partner has to listen to you, and vice versa is all you need. A therapist can give you tips on how to resolve arguments and speak to each other more clearly too to avoid future issues. 

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Aphrodisiac Food for a Romantic Dinner

Aphrodisiac Food for a Romantic Dinner

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Take your culinary aphrodisiac adventures beyond oysters and chocolate-covered strawberries when it comes to romantic dinners. Below, we reveal more about aphrodisiac food and the different meals that you can create with these ingredients.

Ginseng

An ancient medicine used for centuries to reduce stress and cure impotence, ginseng is also legendary as a natural aphrodisiac. Ginseng helps to fight off fatigue and boosts stamina and is often found in Asian cuisine. 

Garlic

Garlic is another food with legendary status when it comes to its curative powers. Among its many purported properties is the ability to grant stamina and endurance. Consider a starter course with both garlic and cucumber, as the former is pungent, powerful, aromatic, as well as cucumber, which is also known for arousing aphrodisiac properties. Of course, you may want to avoid garlic on a first date! We must also stress the importance of choosing a restaurant with care for a first date. A lot of people use the likes of thechatlinenumbers.com to meet someone new, and so make sure you choose somewhere romantic yet also safe.

Abalone

Abalone is known throughout the world for its rich and luxurious flavor, but in China it is also known for bringing good luck and acting as a powerful aphrodisiac. 

Caviar

Eggs of all varieties are legendary fertility symbols and considered by ancient peoples to hold mystical powers. As the king of eggs, caviar is one of the most luxurious and extravagant aphrodisiacs available. 

Asparagus

In addition to being full of age-fighting antioxidants and natural vitamin E, asparagus also helps promote healthy hormone levels that can lead to an energetic sex life. This succulent spring vegetable helps your skin look and feel more youthful and promotes a healthy libido the natural way. Enjoy a refreshing vegetable dish with sautéed asparagus, water chestnut and gingko nuts for a healthy boost.

Honey

Sweet golden honey is one of the most romantic and sensual foods on the planet. The natural sugar in honey can give you a much needed pick me up in the middle of your meal and keep the dinner conversation flowing. Indulge all of your senses with luxurious barbecue prime Iberico pork with yellow mountain honey for an irresistibly seductive treat.

Cinnamon

Cinnamon is yet another ancient spice with powerful medicinal properties and legendary rumors of its aphrodisiac properties. Consuming cinnamon produces actual heat in the body and is said to increase appetite, both physical and sexual. Finish your romantic dining experience with a spicy and elegant dessert. One suggestion we have is plum wine poached pear featuring the aphrodisiac candied ginger as well as cinnamon for a perfect and powerful sweet ending.

Romantic dining will never be the same now you know all about the best aphrodisiacs! From cinnamon to caviar, the options are well and truly varied. Which romantic meal will you go for when you are next dining out with your partner or a new date?

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Keeping An Even Keel During A Divorce

Keeping An Even Keel During A Divorce

The end of a marriage is an emotionally turbulent time, to say the very least. It can feel like your life is getting turned upside down and it can be hard to keep hold of yourself without stress tearing you in a bunch of different directions. However, it’s not impossible to get through it in one piece.

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Don’t sacrifice long-term happiness for short-term goals

If you’re feeling hurt during a divorce, it’s easy to want to hurt your ex-partner back. Sometimes, the ways that you hurt them might also hurt people close to you, such as your friends or children. You may force people to pick sides and end up jeopardizing your own relationships. Try to manage your priorities and think about where you’re going to be after the divorce, not just in the immediate future. The urge to seek revenge or some sort of compensation can be very strong, indeed, but you shouldn’t put it above your needs for a healthy and happy life past the divorce.

If you can, keep things civil

Emotions might be running high, but unless one partner is fully at fault for the divorce, such as in the result on infidelity, you should try to keep those emotions out of the actual legal process. For instance, instance of taking them to court, you could look for divorce mediation in your area. The urge to make things combative and to get yours might be strong, but you should take the time to think about what you want not just for yourself after the divorce, but what you really want for your ex-partner. Is hurting them more important than protecting everyone involved?

Handle your children with care

Arguing over the kids as a couple is going to strain everyone’s familial relationships. Unless your ex-partner is genuinely a threat to your children, you should hope that everyone has a better relationship after the divorce. As such, let a lawyer for child custody take care of the legal battle surrounding the children. Most importantly, try to explain to your children what is happening without trying to win them over to your side. Weaponizing your kids during a divorce is literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship and their emotional health.

Anticipate the worst

You’re going to be dealing with some ugly emotions and you might not only hate your ex-partner at times, you might find some self-hatred in there. Managing your divorce as best as possible can help you move on from those feelings, but you should also expect anger from your ex.If you’re not prepared for their own negative reactions, you can find yourself getting caught off guard and being dragged into an unhealthy back and forth. Knowing what to expect can help you simply abide it and keep working for a healthier conclusion.

It’s important to make sure you get legal help where you need, emotional support when you need, and to not mix up the divorce with your relationships with children and friends. Think not just about the divorce, but about what comes after, as well.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)

My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)

Season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been confirmed! This however, is my personal take on Midge continuing to make poor decisions on her romantic life. *WARNING: There are spoilers of season 3 ahead.

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We all love Midge Maisel. She’s smart, pretty and witty as hell. However, no hat in the world can hide the fact that her love life is a mess. She’s got her choice in fine looking men, of course. But her decisions showcase what a lot of us do wrong today.

First, lets take a look at the ex-husband, Joel Maisel…

Joel is a hardworking man who steps up to take care of his kids. Kudos, Joel! There should be more of that in the world. But when we take a deeper look into Joel’s ability to love, that’s when things get little wonky. Joel was married to Midge, living the American Dream: A beautiful family, a fabulous apartment in the societies of NYC and he had an executive job. He also had a supporting wife, who not only encouraged him to proceed with his adoring hobby for comedy, but also provided briskets to make sure he got good time slots.

However, poor Joel is still missing something.

There’s a hole in him he can’t explain, so it must be Midget’s fault he doesn’t feel complete—We’ve all seen Jerry McGuire, right? So, like most humans, who are feeling worthless and choose to blame others for their lack of self-worth, Joel decides an affair with his secretary, Penny, will fill that void.

Spoiler alert, after leaving his family for Penny, Joel still has a hole and wants Midge back.

Joel is like so many people. He refuses to look inward to discover what’s really missing. So, until he does that, Joel will continue to be the guy who is always missing the ‘one who got away’. Don’t believe what I’m saying? Look at my quick cliff notes of Season 3…

  • Joel has a box of unclaimed lipstick next to his bed.
  • He pines over missing Midge, even when he meets Mei.
  • Joel starts dating Mei, but flies off to Vegas to be with his ‘true love’, Midge.
  • Joel marries Midge again while dating Mei. The next morning, he tells Midge they’re going to have to get a divorce because he’s got a girlfriend.
  • Goes home, he and Mei break up, to where he is now free to be with his ‘wife’, his true love, Midge. But instead, he tells Midge he and the kids can’t come to Miami for the weekend. Then, Joel proceeds to walk downstairs into the underground casino and give an awkward confession on how much he cares about Mei.

Yes, just like Susie said to Joel in Season 3, Joel will always love Midge and will want to make sure she is taken care of. That is undoubtedly true. He wants to make sure she and his kids don’t struggle in life. But by the end of the season, Joel is practically cheating on both Midge and Mei, if we’re getting technical.

Moral: It’s not you; it’s Joel.

If I had a PhD, I could totally get away with blaming his behavior on something that happened to him as a child. I could hold accountable Joel’s mother, Shirley, and her erratic behavior or negligent trust issues, but since I’m not, I’ll just leave diagnosis to the professionals. Here’s what we do know, Midge is Joel’s forever ‘one that got away’, but until he can love himself, he has no business trying to be in a committed relationship.

Next, we will take a look at Lenny Bruce…

The sexual tension is high when it comes to Midge and that man. We’ve all been there. That’s why we all love Lenny so much. A sexy bad-boy type that draws you in and can make chemical reactions happen within your body. What’s completely unique and unusual about this type of guy is the fact that they can look unkept, un-showered and underachieving and still have this magnetic pull on you, …and half the population.

1. They have the talent to be abrasive, without being too cold.

2. They have enough sense to make you feel wanted for the night, but don’t get any other ideas, please.  

3. They have perfected ‘love’em and leave’.

But every once in a blue moon… these primal creatures of habit, fall in love. Hence, Lenny Bruce appears to have fallen head over heels for our dear, Midge. And why shouldn’t he? She bailed him out of jail. She held his hand, twice, when he was filming those TV shows. Midge makes Lenny a better person. But I ask this question… what does Lenny do for Midge?

After seeing the responses trend on Twitter for Midge and Lenny to become the ‘it’ couple, I realized, so many hopeless romantics still believe they can be ‘the one to change him’. Or in this case, Midge can change Lenny.

Spoiler Alert: She can’t change him.

Only Lenny can change himself. Lenny is an inspiration to Midge in the sense of comedy. But here’s the hard truth… That’s probably it. What else can Lenny offer Midge but a good time and heartbreak? I may be speculating, but Lenny, also like Joel, is missing self-worth. He drinks like a fish, enjoys getting arrested and has no intentions of the white picket fence lifestyle. Plus, he hasn’t given Midge any other reasons to question that.

The moral: Lenny is a great guy; people like this usually are.

But it’s important for Midge to know herself. She likes expensive things and needs to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Expecting Lenny to be willing and able to keep up with her and her expectations is probably unfair of her. Lenny’s a one-of-a-kind, friend. He’s the type of guy that you will love completely from a distance, and perhaps, in a parallel universe, you could have possibly been together.

But if you look at it face value, it’s probably better to love from afar than to hate up close. Opposites do attract, but too opposite can cause division. I love Lenny. I know a handful of Lenny’s. But I will love them from where I stand because I know myself and know, maybe from experience, that I’m not the one who’s going to be able to change them.

And finally, Benjamin…

Every mother’s favorite man for their daughter to be with. But like most daughters, Midge doesn’t want him. Why? He’s good-looking, has no money issues and has a really great job. Well, this is where I suggest Midge needs to take a look at herself—Not because Benjamin looks good on paper, or because her parents liked him, but because she did.

And let’s not forget, Benjamin supported Midge with her career. He believes she’s amazing at what she does. He thinks she’s the funniest woman on earth. Besides Susie, Benjamin was one of her biggest fans. He didn’t mind being material for her comedy. But instead of talking to him about her worries of future resentment, Midge leaves him without the courtesy of a face to face conversation—Bad job, Midge.

As humans, things that are good for us, scare the living crap out of us. People are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if you found out, there is no shoe?

Spoiler alert: You’ve been worried about things, this whole time, and there was never a shoe that could possibly drop to begin with.

Moral: Someone recently tweeted, ‘Benjamin deserves better’.

Yes, we all deserve better than what we’ve been aiming for when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether you’ve been married to your partner for decades or you’re still swiping to find your soulmate, this pertains to all of us. Like Benjamin, we deserve that person who will have the conversations with us, instead of predicting they already know how the conversation will go. We also deserve to be thatperson for someone else, as well—Some of us forget to look in the mirror sometimes when picking out other’s faults.

The lifelong question of ‘Does life imitate art or does art imitate life’

This question swirls in everyone’s mind, from time to time. But these hidden, or not so hidden, love-life issues showcased in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel hit very close to the real factors that cause an increased number of divorces today. It’s not about her own personal women’s movement, or the climb to success and having to choose one thing or another… It’s about knowing who you are, having self-worth, having self-love, giving love, receiving love and communication.

Sure. It’s all very hard to do at first. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. And there would be no one with these impossible love-life issues. The only thing we can do as humans is keep trying to better ourselvesevery day. Practice makes perfect. So, why not? Go buy a hat or invest in some drop-less shoes. But while you’re doing that, take a look inside yourself and see what needs your attention. You can certainly do that while you wait for the next season of Mrs. Maisel.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.