Conception’s Got You And Your Man Hot, Sweaty, And…Searching For A Surrogate?
When it comes to conception, most of us imagine things will get hot and steamy. Sex between you and your partner might have been good before, but surely it’ll crank up a level when there’s added incentive? You likely expect to be at it like rabbits every chance you get. All the better for making that baby, right ladies?
But, what happens when things don’t go to plan? You’ve been trying for months and nothing’s happened. Then, you get the news you’ve been dreading. One of you is infertile, and suddenly your hot and steamy journey couldn’t seem colder. The two of you may go from jumping into bed every second to facing major marriage problems in one short appointment.
The good news is, infertility is by no means the end of the story anymore. With options like surrogacy, there’s every chance you can still go on to conceive a genetic child. But, you first need to go through the experience of finding a surrogate. And, it’s all too easy to lose the love during this stressful process. But, given you want to have a child because of the love you share, it’s essential you don’t let that happen. And, to make sure of it, we’re going to look at a few ways to keep hold of that intimacy, even when surrogacy is on your cards.
Focus on sex regardless
So, sex isn’t going to lead to babies the way you’d hoped. But, that doesn’t mean you should stop making an effort in the bedroom. If it helps, remember that you’re still on the road to conception. Keeping on top of your sex lives can help keep that momentum alive, as well as preserving the intimacy. Focusing on sex can also help to alleviate any guilt the infertile party might feel. If your man received the bad news, for instance, he might feel that you’re withholding sex as a form of punishment. And, that type of feeling isn’t going to help either of you. So, keep making an effort here. Remember how much fun you had in the bedroom before babies were even on your cards. It might be hard at times, but you need to work to keep that going for the duration of your surrogacy search.
Do everything together
It takes two to make a baby. But, when it comes to surrogacy, it’s all too easy to slip into bad habits of separation. After all, you’re both giving different samples without each other in the room. And, you may decide to do independent research to put your minds at ease. Before you know, you’ll be having very different experiences of what should be a shared journey. Make sure it doesn’t happen by keeping this between the two of you. Don’t go off into your own heads at any stage. Instead, attend appointments together. If it helps, ask if you can go in with your man while he gives his sperm sample. And make sure not to research alone. Instead, sit down and snuggle up with the laptop one night. Together, visit resources like the ConceiveAbilities Blog which can answer a lot of questions for you. Just the act of coming together like this can help to keep you close and build intimacy during a difficult time. Make sure, too, that you make decisions together. You’ll need to choose everything from your timeline to your surrogate herself. And, it’s essential this is done together. Otherwise, it’s all too easy for one partner to fall out of the loop.
Keep communication open
Communication is always essential in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. But, you guys know that, else you wouldn’t have gotten this far. The trouble is, when issues of infertility crop up, it’s all too easy for the shutters to come down. A mixture of embarrassment and reluctance to face the problem are natural. But, you need to lift those shutters before they lock on your love. Instead, make sure you’re discussing your feelings from day one. If you’re upset, talk about it. Make sure not to be touchy or take things to heart. Just listen to your partner, and work towards solutions together. There are sure to be difficult discussions along the way, but you can’t afford to skip them. Only by facing these things head on can you both stay connected for when your baby comes along. Though it may not feel like it now, that could be a lot sooner than you think.
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