Tag Archives: sex talk

3 Ways To A Healthy Relationship

3 Ways To A Healthy Relationship

It can be difficult to make the right connections with the right people, and then assuming that you do manage to find a spark with a special someone, you then have the challenge of building a relationship with them. This should be fun and enjoyable, but we know that it can also have its rocky moments. Which is why today we want to share with you 3 ways to a healthy relationship. 

Image Pixabay

Communication

You need to be open and honest with your partner and communicate effectively with them. If you are struggling with anything, you should be able to talk to them and trust in them to support you. You should be able to talk over the woes of your day freely with them and laugh together. 

Some people are more chatty and communicative than others, but this need not be a barrier unless you make it one. If your partner is quiet, accept that about them, learn to read their moods and you will soon know whether you need to chat anything through with them. 

If there are issues within your relationship you need to sit down and talk them through. Things rarely get better just by waiting them out, and neither of you are mind-readers so you do need to lay it out on the table so that you can move forward. 

Shared interests

It is helpful to have shared interests, as you will then always have things to talk about, connect over and enjoy together. Perhaps you both love a certain sport, going to the movies, have the same group of friends or share a love of travel. Or perhaps it is more about your nature, and you have the same sense of humour, similar belief systems or attitudes to others and the world around you. These are the things that will both attract you and hold you together.

This is not to say that you need to be in one another’s pockets. It is also important to have your own separate social lives, as you want to come to each other as complete and happy individuals, not be reliant on each other to fulfil all of your needs. 

Sex and trust

You do need to agree your emotional and sexual boundaries within any new relationship. Is this to be monotonous or are you open to seeing other people? Agree this early on to avoid any pain or confusion further down the line. 

You then need to take your own sexual needs seriously and ensure that you are taking care of yourself and your body, so that you are leading a sexually healthy lifestyle. You need to be able to speak up for what you want, what you don’t want and what is important to you physically and emotionally. In doing so, you need to feel able to trust in your partner. 

If this is an area that you are struggling with, it can be worth trying Sex Therapy & Counselling and try to avoid seeing this as a last ditch solution. This is something worth addressing sooner rather than later and can help to make a young relationship flourish or reignite long term relationships. 

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Grey Area of Consensual Sex: You Are Not 50 Shades of Christian Grey

Grey Area of Consensual Sex: You Are Not 50 Shades of Christian Grey

By: Tia Cristy

http://Photo by Walid Riachy from Pexel

The first time I saw 50 Shades of Grey was at a private promotional showing with about fifty of my co-workers, including my boss and his wife… Awkward.

Nevertheless, no matter how uncomfortable the situation was, in which I was watching the box-office porn, the fact was the title was becoming a household name worldwide. People of all ages were getting the inside scoop on non-disclosed kink. Even my dad, who never saw the movie, nor read the books, could make references to the storyline. Talk about really awkward—Side note: I’m now a firm believer that some things should never be discussed between a father and a daughter.

Anyhow, after the movie hit nationwide, the increase of emergency room visits due to sexually related injuries jumped up to a huge 20%. As a Lifestyle Blogger that preaches on sexual health, I felt it was imperative to work with the right experts to help couples learn proper etiquette in spicing up their love life. I started to publish posts and infographics on things like, Introduction to Bondage. I thought if curious men and women had the right information, they could safely venture into uncharted territories without ending up in the ER. Right?

Let’s skip ahead…

https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-heart-shape-with-hands-256626/

50 Shades Trilogy now available OnDemand… I sat down with a gynecologist specialist, who has been my long-time confidential source for Sexual Health. We discussed some incredibly disturbing stats. The increasing cases of women coming into her office with serious sexual trauma that was encountered during consensual sex is staggering. ‘Smash, pound, break or tear up’ have all been used as synonyms for sex, but these words should never be taken literal. Women have resulted in being beaten, strangled, scratched, bitten, torn, etc. all with the intent of having enjoyable, agreed-upon sex.

Whether it was called making love, a booty-call or simply a good-time, at some point the objective of pleasurable sex went terribly wrong amidst intercourse. External and internal injuries were obtained. Short-term and long-term damages were done physically as well as emotionally. And sadly, the culprit of it all stems from some undereducated partner acting out some over ambitious fantasy and chalking it up to having a good ‘fuck’. Let me break it to you, there’s nothing good about this kind of intimacy. The reason I can openly say ‘under-educated’ is simple, and this might come as a shock to some, but the fact is life is not a porno.

Here’s a quick history lesson…

Pornography was originally created, many moons ago, to be an educational tool for husbands and wives to have better sex lives, but quickly shifted into the world of entertainment. Professional studio-created porn was, and still is, acting. A tap can appear like a slap and what looks like a bite is actually a brush of the teeth, all in hopes to heighten the visual allure. And yes, many individuals find the thought of shedding the stink of their own dull, boring, or routine sex lives very appealing. There is a multi-billion-dollar industry that is banking on the fact that you and your partner are ready to take it up a notch in the bedroom.

There are plenty of toys, gadgets, videos and clothing that can help bolster a couple going through a dry spell. Judge-free, if that is for you and your mate. My only advice, understand how it works. Just because you see a pilot fly a plane, doesn’t mean you instantly know how to do it. Be sure to do your research on safety, including proper hygiene. And please, only proceed when you know that you and your partner are both on the same page.

Crossing the line…

Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels

There is a very thin line detecting pleasure between pain when it comes to the receptors in the brain. Even though, there is an incredible difference from the mind wanting to do that again, or saying, WARNING: Never Again!

Look, if you are making someone bleed or say ‘ouch’ during one of the most intimate and vulnerable moments of your lives, you are doing something really wrong!

Ladies, I need you to hear this loud and clear: if you are allowing your partner to cause more pain than pleasure or they are provoking any kind of damage to your cervix, all in the name of a ‘good-time’, you, too, are doing it wrong!

Over this past week, several newly-released comedies have referred to rough sex and strangulation as the new normal. This action should not be perceived as the standard in exploring one another. I’m not criticizing lovers that prefer some titillating practices. I’m only suggesting you and your partner cultivate a sexual experience you can both enjoy. Sex is about trust, and like as with anything else in life, trust builds over time.

 There’s a sad truth in which society wants to take love out of the bedroom and replace it with carnal desires. Not everyone agrees with this trend. However, if you do agree – fantastic! If that’s your kind of thing. But don’t remove compassion and call it passion. I think being adventurous in between the sheets is absolutely healthy, especially when you and your partner have taken all the proper precautions. Including, and I can’t stress this enough, you must both be ready and willing!

Rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t want it done to you, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it to your partner unless they request it, and vice versa.

All that being said…

http://Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

Sexual injuries caused by a consensual sex partner are climbing at an appalling and unpredictable rate. In these such cases, women are on the verge of appearing assaulted. There is no demographical or stereotypical pattern. These are upstanding, strong, educated women. These inflicted injuries have affected a range of individuals who have just met their partner to lovers, who have been ‘experimenting’ within a committed, long-term relationship. The age ranges fluctuate, too. But the one thing that all these cases have in common is the injured party, who is left feeling confused, ashamed and violated. This kind of practice bares some questions.

Is this sexual assault? No. Okay, well then is this consensual? Not exactly. Don’t get hysterical by my choice of words. There is a HUGE difference between someone being forced to do something beyond their will and someone that voluntarily took part in an intimate experience. None-the-less, most of these injured women experienced many moments of pleasure coupled with veins of sheer terror. Hence why, the aftermath takes such a physical and emotional toll. This area is the only shade of this Grey we should be focusing on and fix it before it ruins lives and reputations. No one is saying the individuals in these cases are ready to march in the #metoo movement. But no one, and I mean no one, should be physically hurt or humiliated while partaking in close human contact.

As women stand up for one another, on so many other important ‘body’ matters nowadays, it is also time to stand up for intimacy. For women, …and men. And above all, for the younger generations and the ‘human’ in all of us. Let’s not be fooled here. Passing off pinned up sexual aggression or re-enacting what you might have seen on the flat screen as the proper way to engage in a sexual experience, while your partner isn’t enjoying themselves, is simply yucky!

If you are the dominate…

Please speak openly with your partner on your desires. Respect their boundaries. Have a safe word. And most of all, remember, no means no. Real life isn’t a movie and you are not Christian Grey, okay.

If you are the submissive…

Boldly voice your concerns. Bad choices can bring on regret, but regret doesn’t equal victim. So, don’t be shy to speak up if you aren’t enjoying yourself. If something hurts, tell your partner. And if things are getting out of control, try to smartly defuse the situation without causing confrontation, and do your best to get out of there. Don’t be a victim.

There’s more…

Photo by Pluetoe from Pexels

According to my source, another thing that should be brought to light is the alarming misuse of medications among the younger generations. Cocktails mixed with erection-stimulating meds and/or steroid use in order to lengthen the sexual experience is causing destressing, unwarranted aggression within the bedroom. Using medications without doctor’s supervision can cause serious mental issues like ‘roid-rage’ and/or physical, irrevocable damages to yourself and your partner. There’s a strong possibility these concoctions are impairing the user judgment and sensation, causing them to thrust or pounce with more aggression. And because they’re numb, they are unaware of their vigor and the potential pain they are inflicting. This combination only has the opportunity of ending in devastating damage to both parties. Seriously, it’s not worth the risk. It’s safer, smarter, and honestly, more enjoyable to live out your fantasies one round at a time, no matter how quick it is.

Genuine love and desire for your partner does, truthfully, enhance the fantasy world. However, we all know hook-ups happen. Safety is the first thing to practice in every sexual situation, starting with protection. Condoms and dental dams really do reduce the chances of spreading nasty things. So, whether you’re a man or a woman, if some sly one tells you, ‘It doesn’t feel as good with protection’. Your only response should be, ‘But it feels so much better than no sex, right?’.

Let’s clear up any misunderstandings…

https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-affection-bed-closeness-414032/

This isn’t men vs. women’s primal desires. This is about achieving desires and not disasters. This isn’t a sexuality issue. This is a sex issue. This isn’t a generational problem. This is a lack-of-information problem. Sex shouldn’t leave someone physically damaged.

Disregard all you think you know about the red-room of pain, and have an honest and colorful conversation about your sexual wants and needs. Don’t let any form of entertainment give you a false assessment of what real intercourse should be. We need to address this issue before things get out completely out of hand. With so many sexual accusations flying around out there and people making laws about what people can and can’t do with their bodies, this is one of those situations that can cause a lot of future complications if not discussed and handled maturely between partners.

At the risk of sounding 100 years-old, you need to understand your body is the most precious thing that you can share with another human being. According to recent surveys, monogamy is making a strong comeback in both heterosexual and LGBT circles. Fantasies are finding ways to becoming healthy realties. And protected sex is considered cool. So, let’s take all the trauma and the 50 Shades of ‘scary’ out of intimacy. Sex should be a beautiful thing. And exploration should feel good. Whether you like it or not, humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason. And unlike the necessity it is within the animal kingdom, humans can choose to have sex for pleasure, love and closeness. So, do the rest of the mobile upright a favor, and stop taking yourself and others for granted.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Author’s Bio: Tia Cristy is a radio personality/influencer and the owner of TipsfromTia.com where she provides tips on beauty, lifestyle and sexual health. You can find her, Like and Share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram @TipsfromTia

Avoiding Embarrassment When It’s Time For Bed

Avoiding Embarrassment When It’s Time For Bed

feet of two people on bed

(Image Credit)

Sleeping with someone for the first time can often be a very daunting event. Having only known the person for a short time, it will be very hard to tell how they will want to go through something like this. Of course, though, the worst part about going to bed with someone for the first time is the prospect of embarrassment. To give you an idea of what goes into this, this post will be exploring some of the work which can be done to ensure that you don’t have to deal with shame when you find yourself swept up by the fun.

Keep It Clean

After a long day of walking around and having fun, most people will be in need of a little bit of a freshen up. This isn’t something you’ll always have time for, though, and this means looking for ways to keep yourself clean without having to take five in the bathroom. Websites like the Scary Mommy blog are great when you’re looking for advice in this area. It can be hard to talk to those around you about personal hygiene, but blogs don’t judge.

Dress To Impress

The clothing you wear says a lot about you, and is one of the earliest impressions someone will have when they meet you. Of course, though, when you’re going to bed, these garments will be coming off, and it will be the ones underneath which you’re most concerned about. There are loads of underwear options which are designed to be both pretty and comfortable, nowadays, and this means that you no longer have to choose.

Be Honest

There will always be aspects of your body which you feel worried about, even if you spend loads of time working on it. By simply being honest about this, you can find yourself in a great position, and the person you are with is likely to feel a whole lot more comfortable, as a result. Of course, there are some things which you won’t want to talk about. If you’re worried about something superficial, though, like hair or scars, you don’t have much to worry about.

Do Your Part

This sort of experience can be embarrassing for anyone; not just you. This means that your partner is also likely to be a little worried about your potential reaction to their body, and this is something worth considering. Even if something takes you by surprise, you should work hard to make as little of it as possible, as this will help to keep both parties happy. There is nothing worse than having someone look shocked or amused when they see you naked.

With all of this in mind, you should be feeling ready to take control of the time you spend with others in bed. Feeling embarrassed should never be a part of spending time with someone else like this, thought a lot of people find themselves experiencing it. If you need more help with this, it could be worth talking to a sex expert, as this field can get very complex.


Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

There Is Something We Need To Discuss …

There Is Something We Need To Discuss …

 

“Beautiful Women And Handsome Man” by alexisdc FreeDigitalPhotos.net
“Beautiful Women And Handsome Man” by alexisdc
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sex.  It’s not always the easiest subject to talk about, especially to talk honestly about so to take away the awkwardness, you don’t have to do any talking, we’ll do it for you.

Did you meet the love of your life? Perfect for you in every single way.  They make you laugh, you fancy them like crazy and they are always there when you need them?  Perfect.  Except there is one problem.  You feel the sex isn’t great and it’s causing a problem in your relationship.

Sex takes two people.  So it’s really important to acknowledge that neither of you are at fault and if you aren’t talking about it openly, then neither of you are going to solve it.  The first thing to establish is if your partner feels there is a problem with your sex life too and whilst there some obvious signs from a man that they are enjoying it, it can be harder to tell if a woman is.  The simple solution?  Ask.

Sometimes the problem lies within us.  It’s not uncommon, especially as you get older, to be body conscious or worry that things aren’t quite right down south,  if you aren’t confident in how you look it could lead you towards dramatic resolutions such as breast augmentation.  Before you head off to the clinic you need to ensure you have tried everything you can to fall in love with your body and, again, talking to your partner about it is the best start.  The features you hate the most may be the ones they love the most and knowing how other people see you could be the first step in making friends with your body.

Performance issues may be another problem.  You might be worried you aren’t doing things right or confused that your partner doesn’t react like past partners.  The problem with this is that you will be over thinking and possibly trying to hard, taking away the natural feeling that works best when it comes to sex.  Men and women react to sensations in very different ways and regardless of gender we all have different sensitivity levels.  So one person could break out in goose pimples just from the delicate brush of a hand whilst others demand a firmer touch to make them feel good.  Keep talking but try not to spend your nights of passion saying ‘do you like this?’ just go with the flow and save that chat for after.

Of course it could just be that whilst you are perfect in every other way, the sexual chemistry isn’t there for either of you.  That doesn’t mean the end of your relationship.  You can try to add spice to your life by exploring each others fantasies, or you may find that your relationship is deeper than a sexual connection and you can live around it, there are so many couples who don’t think great sex is an important element in a relationship.  Love is really all that matter.

Regardless of reason, the simple and only solution is to keep talking about sex.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram