The end of a marriage is an emotionally turbulent time, to say the very least. It can feel like your life is getting turned upside down and it can be hard to keep hold of yourself without stress tearing you in a bunch of different directions. However, it’s not impossible to get through it in one piece.
If you’re feeling hurt during a divorce, it’s easy to want to hurt your ex-partner back. Sometimes, the ways that you hurt them might also hurt people close to you, such as your friends or children. You may force people to pick sides and end up jeopardizing your own relationships. Try to manage your priorities and think about where you’re going to be after the divorce, not just in the immediate future. The urge to seek revenge or some sort of compensation can be very strong, indeed, but you shouldn’t put it above your needs for a healthy and happy life past the divorce.
If you can, keep things civil
Emotions might be running high, but unless one partner is fully at fault for the divorce, such as in the result on infidelity, you should try to keep those emotions out of the actual legal process. For instance, instance of taking them to court, you could look for divorce mediation in your area. The urge to make things combative and to get yours might be strong, but you should take the time to think about what you want not just for yourself after the divorce, but what you really want for your ex-partner. Is hurting them more important than protecting everyone involved?
Handle your children with care
Arguing over the kids as a couple is going to strain everyone’s familial relationships. Unless your ex-partner is genuinely a threat to your children, you should hope that everyone has a better relationship after the divorce. As such, let a lawyer for child custody take care of the legal battle surrounding the children. Most importantly, try to explain to your children what is happening without trying to win them over to your side. Weaponizing your kids during a divorce is literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship and their emotional health.
Anticipate the worst
You’re going to be dealing with some ugly emotions and you might not only hate your ex-partner at times, you might find some self-hatred in there. Managing your divorce as best as possible can help you move on from those feelings, but you should also expect anger from your ex.If you’re not prepared for their own negative reactions, you can find yourself getting caught off guard and being dragged into an unhealthy back and forth. Knowing what to expect can help you simply abide it and keep working for a healthier conclusion.
It’s important to make sure you get legal help where you need, emotional support when you need, and to not mix up the divorce with your relationships with children and friends. Think not just about the divorce, but about what comes after, as well.
My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)
Season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been confirmed! This however, is my personal take on Midge continuing to make poor decisions on her romantic life. *WARNING: There are spoilers of season 3 ahead.
We all love Midge Maisel. She’s smart, pretty and
witty as hell. However, no hat in the world can hide the fact that her love
life is a mess. She’s got her choice in fine looking men, of course. But her
decisions showcase what a lot of us do wrong today.
First, lets take a look at the ex-husband, Joel Maisel…
Joel is a hardworking man who steps up to take care of his kids. Kudos, Joel! There should be more of that in the world. But when we take a deeper look into Joel’s ability to love, that’s when things get little wonky. Joel was married to Midge, living the American Dream: A beautiful family, a fabulous apartment in the societies of NYC and he had an executive job. He also had a supporting wife, who not only encouraged him to proceed with his adoring hobby for comedy, but also provided briskets to make sure he got good time slots.
However, poor Joel is still missing something.
There’s a hole in him he can’t explain, so it must be Midget’s fault he doesn’t feel complete—We’ve all seen Jerry McGuire, right? So, like most humans, who are feeling worthless and choose to blame others for their lack of self-worth, Joel decides an affair with his secretary, Penny, will fill that void.
Spoiler alert, after leaving his family for Penny, Joel still has a hole and wants Midge back.
Joel is like so many people. He refuses to look inward
to discover what’s really missing. So, until he does that, Joel will continue
to be the guy who is always missing the ‘one who got away’. Don’t believe what
I’m saying? Look at my quick cliff notes of Season 3…
has a box of unclaimed lipstick next to his bed.
pines over missing Midge, even when he meets Mei.
starts dating Mei, but flies off to Vegas to be with his ‘true love’, Midge.
marries Midge again while dating Mei. The next morning, he tells Midge they’re
going to have to get a divorce because he’s got a girlfriend.
home, he and Mei break up, to where he is now free to be with his ‘wife’, his
true love, Midge. But instead, he tells Midge he and the kids can’t come to
Miami for the weekend. Then, Joel proceeds to walk downstairs into the
underground casino and give an awkward confession on how much he cares about Mei.
Yes, just like Susie said to Joel in Season 3, Joel will
always love Midge and will want to make sure she is taken care of. That is
undoubtedly true. He wants to make sure she and his kids don’t struggle in
life. But by the end of the season, Joel is practically cheating on both Midge
and Mei, if we’re getting technical.
Moral: It’s not you; it’s Joel.
If I had a PhD, I could totally get away with blaming
his behavior on something that happened to him as a child. I could hold
accountable Joel’s mother, Shirley, and her erratic behavior or negligent trust
issues, but since I’m not, I’ll just leave diagnosis to the professionals.
Here’s what we do know, Midge is Joel’s forever ‘one that got away’, but until
he can love himself, he has no business trying to be in a committed
Next, we will take a look at Lenny Bruce…
The sexual tension is high when it comes to Midge and that man. We’ve all been there. That’s why we all love Lenny so much. A sexy bad-boy type that draws you in and can make chemical reactions happen within your body. What’s completely unique and unusual about this type of guy is the fact that they can look unkept, un-showered and underachieving and still have this magnetic pull on you, …and half the population.
1. They have the talent to be abrasive, without being too cold.
2. They have enough sense to make you feel wanted for the night, but don’t get any other ideas, please.
3. They have perfected ‘love’em and leave’.
But every once in a blue moon… these primal creatures of habit, fall in love. Hence, Lenny Bruce appears to have fallen head over heels for our dear, Midge. And why shouldn’t he? She bailed him out of jail. She held his hand, twice, when he was filming those TV shows. Midge makes Lenny a better person. But I ask this question… what does Lenny do for Midge?
After seeing the responses trend on Twitter for Midge and Lenny to become the ‘it’ couple, I realized, so many hopeless romantics still believe they can be ‘the one to change him’. Or in this case, Midge can change Lenny.
Spoiler Alert: She can’t change him.
Only Lenny can change himself. Lenny is an inspiration to Midge in the sense of comedy. But here’s the hard truth… That’s probably it. What else can Lenny offer Midge but a good time and heartbreak? I may be speculating, but Lenny, also like Joel, is missing self-worth. He drinks like a fish, enjoys getting arrested and has no intentions of the white picket fence lifestyle. Plus, he hasn’t given Midge any other reasons to question that.
The moral: Lenny is a great guy; people like this usually are.
But it’s important for Midge to know herself. She likes expensive things and needs to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Expecting Lenny to be willing and able to keep up with her and her expectations is probably unfair of her. Lenny’s a one-of-a-kind, friend. He’s the type of guy that you will love completely from a distance, and perhaps, in a parallel universe, you could have possibly been together.
But if you look at it face value, it’s probably better to love from afar than to hate up close. Opposites do attract, but too opposite can cause division. I love Lenny. I know a handful of Lenny’s. But I will love them from where I stand because I know myself and know, maybe from experience, that I’m not the one who’s going to be able to change them.
And finally, Benjamin…
Every mother’s favorite man for their daughter to be with. But like most daughters, Midge doesn’t want him. Why? He’s good-looking, has no money issues and has a really great job. Well, this is where I suggest Midge needs to take a look at herself—Not because Benjamin looks good on paper, or because her parents liked him, but because she did.
And let’s not forget, Benjamin supported Midge with her career. He believes she’s amazing at what she does. He thinks she’s the funniest woman on earth. Besides Susie, Benjamin was one of her biggest fans. He didn’t mind being material for her comedy. But instead of talking to him about her worries of future resentment, Midge leaves him without the courtesy of a face to face conversation—Bad job, Midge.
As humans, things that are good for us, scare the living crap out of us. People are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if you found out, there is no shoe?
Spoiler alert: You’ve been worried about things, this whole time, and there was never a shoe that could possibly drop to begin with.
Yes, we all deserve better than what we’ve been aiming for when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether you’ve been married to your partner for decades or you’re still swiping to find your soulmate, this pertains to all of us. Like Benjamin, we deserve that person who will have the conversations with us, instead of predicting they already know how the conversation will go. We also deserve to be thatperson for someone else, as well—Some of us forget to look in the mirror sometimes when picking out other’s faults.
The lifelong question of ‘Does life imitate art or does art imitate life’
This question swirls in everyone’s mind, from time to time. But these hidden, or not so hidden, love-life issues showcased in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel hit very close to the real factors that cause an increased number of divorces today. It’s not about her own personal women’s movement, or the climb to success and having to choose one thing or another… It’s about knowing who you are, having self-worth, having self-love, giving love, receiving love and communication.
Sure. It’s all very hard to do at first. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. And there would be no one with these impossible love-life issues. The only thing we can do as humans is keep trying to better ourselvesevery day. Practice makes perfect. So, why not? Go buy a hat or invest in some drop-less shoes. But while you’re doing that, take a look inside yourself and see what needs your attention. You can certainly do that while you wait for the next season of Mrs. Maisel.
In many cases, a lot of relationships can become strange experiences which are separate from the rest of the world. You can easily end up living in a kind of bubble together, and – while that can be nice – it can also be quite dangerous or damaging. Before you know it, you are too codependent, and you find that there is no room to breathe. There is a balance to be found here, and it is symbolized in the fact that such relationships will generally then need to seek out some outside help for their relationship to work as well as possible. In this article, we will look at some of the occasions when that outside help is going to be helpful in a relationship, and might be worth considering.
Sometimes, you will need therapy. That could be because something is going wrong, or one of you is unhappy without knowing why, or it might be that something huge has happened which has affected you both and therefore the relationship itself. If you feel that therapy is needed, then you should allow each other the space to engage with that – and if it is couples’ therapy you are looking for, then it is especially important to do so, and particularly to find a therapist that you can both be happy with. When therapy is needed in a relationship, it is important to seek it out, and to allow some time for things to settle as you do so. It could be the best thing you ever did as a couple.
Even once you have separated from a person, there can often be the need for some outside assistance to make things a little easier. That will generally be because there is some kind of disagreement surrounding the terms of the separation, and that can be something that really gets in the way. If you have children, for instance, you might need to seek out an experienced family lawyer to help you work through your visitation and so on, so that is something to be aware of. Even after separation this kind of outside help can be really helpful, and in fact most couples need that more at this time than at any other time while they were together.
When Space Is Needed
Sometimes, people in a relationship just need space from each other. The truth is that this is a perfectly ordinary and healthy thing to need, and it is important to make sure that you can allow it for each other. But if you are struggling to do that, you might want to seek out the help of a good friend, even if it is a mutual friend, who can likely offer some advice and assistance. They might even be able to help by offering a place to stay for a while, should that be necessary. As you can see, there are many ways in which such a person might help, should this become important.
Nobody ever said that finding love was easy, especially in the hectic and fast-paced world of the 21st century where our personal relationships seem to come second to our relationships with our electronic devices. If you’ve been in the dating game for a while now but find that the path to love and happiness is rockier than ever, don’t worry… it’s not you. The world of dating is way more complicated than it used to be since the digital age has transformed the whole concept of looking for love and romance.
If you find that your dating sucks, here are 6 reasons which may be responsible. Only by identifying the reasons why can you start to make the changes that will lead to a more positive future…
You haven’t spent enough time single
There is a lot of pressure to find that special someone in our lives. But while that pressure can be keenly felt (especially when all your friends and relatives start settling down) it’s important to enjoy being single. Take the time to think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. Otherwise, you could find yourself propelling yourself from one bad relationship to another in the hopes of finding Mr. or Ms. Right.
You’re choosing people with whom there’s no common ground
Variety is the spice of life. But while it can be exciting getting to know someone with different experiences, attitudes and values to you, with no common ground between you there’s no foundation to build on. Whether you’re someone of Arabic descent looking on an Arab dating site, or searching through niche dating sites like this dating site for self-confessed geeks, it’s important to look for someone with at least some common interests and values.
Attraction is important… but it isn’t everything
Someone can be super hot and make your heart skip a beat every time you see them. But while attraction is important, it can fade over time. Make sure the person behind that initial spark is worth your time. Attraction can mute a person’s shortcomings and make you see things in them that aren’t there.
Never forget that you have value. Even if you’ve recently separated from an ex, been single for a while or are struggling with low self-esteem, it’s better to be single than settle. If you hitch your wagon to someone who doesn’t really make you happy this is just a recipe for frustration and resentment.
Your expectations are unrealistic
On the other hand, you can go too far, and reduce human beings to a checklist of desirable attributes… and that doesn’t do either of you any favours. By all means aim high but be realistic in your quest for romance.
You’re over-reliant on apps
Finally, while apps can be useful for time-poor singles looking for love, they aren’t always the perfect platform on which to get to know someone. It’s easy for people to misrepresent themselves on dating apps, and this can lead to all sorts of unpleasant revelations. By all means use them, but don’t use them as an excuse for getting out and meeting people in the real world.
Love is a beautiful thing, and it comes in many forms. It can lead people in many directions, both good and bad. It can help restore us, and sometimes, it can be a challenge. That being said, following your heart and involving yourself in romantic love can be more than worth it if this is something you hope to do.
Staying realistic about romantic love can help you overcome your limitations, and may even improve you as a person. Many think that being aware and realistic about love is simply being pessimistic, but of course, pessimism is in no way more virtuous simply because it claims to be. The fact is that without positivity, care, and potential, staying realistic about anything is simply not wholly complete.
But how does this translate to love? And what are the benefits of staying realistic, rather than letting it sweep you away should it come to that? Additionally, how can you stay both humble in the presence of romance, while giving your all and showing the best of yourself? To that, we would offer the following advice:
Perfection Doesn’t Exist
Perfection simply does not exist. Even in the most fairytale union between two people, sooner or later, real life sets in. That being said, perfection is not what you need to be happy. In fact, it can be thoroughly stressful within itself, because you’ll always worry about how you can maintain it, which you can’t. That being said, a healthy relationship can exist, and loving someone deeply is more than possible. Ironically, this comes the moment when you stop expecting everyone to be perfect, because then you can see the actual good in them.
True Love Does Exist
True love does exist. It can often be found when looking in the right places, or getting assistance from a service to help you find those whom you have more than one thing in common with. True love may not be love at first sight, and it may not be love that comes as a result of saving the world with someone like we see in the movies. However, that shouldn’t turn you away from the power of finding and loving someone you appreciate. In fact, the opposite should be true.
You Curate Your Perfection
While perfection in an objective form does not exist, subjective perfection does. You can curate this carefully if you hope to. Simply trying to find someone perfect for you, such as through muslim marriage services or other outlets, can help you avoid wasting time in directions that do not bear fruit. Additionally, you’ll likely find a real sense of power in moving at a pace that’s right for you, not for others, as this in itself can get rid of the time-constraint worries that often plague new budding relationships. As they say, you can’t hurry love. That being said, while you may never have that 100% perfect romance character, you can make your love interest personally perfect for you, and sometimes, that in itself can be ever better.
With this advice, we hope you can stay realistic and optimistic about romantic love.
If you are single, and you are looking to find someone soon, then you are going to need to make sure that you are doing whatever you can to make that happen. If you have been single for a long time and you are becoming impatient, then it is going to be especially important that you do this in the right way. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to meet people, but that does not mean that it is not going to be a challenge to make it work out for you. However, in this article we are going to take a look only at the best prospects of how you can meet someone new in the first place. As long as you try out these possibilities, you should find that you are going to find someone new soon enough.
If you are keen to meet someone, but you are perhaps a little shy, then you might find that phone dating is a good way to go. This can be a nice way to introduce yourself to someone and to meet a few potential suitors, and yet in a way which means that you don’t even need to leave your home. For many people, that is a useful way to get through the initial nerves of meeting someone. You might even think about starting to meet new people this way, and then moving on to other methods, or meeting some of those people in person after the fact. In any case, it’s worth considering.
Clubs & Groups
A good way to find someone who is going to be good for you is to go out and start engaging in hobbies which you like to partake in, especially group ones. If you can find groups and clubs for these, then you should be able to ensure that you are going to meet people who are absolutely like-minded, and that is a sure sign that you will be able to find someone new who is going to be good for you. Such clubs and groups are going to be a great idea, so it is worth looking into this at your earliest convenience. What kind of groups are in your area that you might want to think about joining?
Of course, many of the traditional means of meeting someone are still relevant, which is why you might also want to think about going out to singles bars and trying to meet someone that way. These can be nerve-wracking places for many people, but in many ways putting yourself out there in those scary situations is going to mean that you are doing a lot for your confidence anyway. If you think you are not capable of this, that might mean that it is going to be the kind of thing that you should actually be doing. And who knows: you might even meet the person of your dreams in the process, and really hit it off with them.
When a relationship breaks down, it can be difficult to keep things amicable no matter how hard you try. Although you were once in love and happy, now you are the polar opposite. You want to be as far away from your ex-partner as possible and you want to start afresh. It can be difficult to do this in a healthy way. Being on your own again can leave your self confidence sapped, you may be anxious about the future and you may feel low. A break up needn’t be a negative time in your life, and can be seen as a period of renewal. Take a look at how you can handle a relationship breakdown in a healthy way.
If you end a relationship to expect that you and your ex-partner can morph from lovers to friends seamlessly, you will be very much mistaken. In an ideal world, you may want to maintain contact, but this can hurt too much, especially for the person who is being broken up with. You need to give one another space. Many people do not remain in contact with their exes because they want to free themselves of the shackles of a relationship. It’s crucial that you can move forward without having your ex-partner in your life. You will have learned things from your relationship that can help you grow as a person. See this as a positive thing and have fond memories of your time together.
If you share children, break ups take on another level of complexity. While you could call a child custody lawyer, you may want to try and come to an amicable understanding about visitation and parenting that doesn’t involve the courts.
Do Something For You
Breaking up with someone can be isolating and can leave you feeling lonely. Those times when you were on dates, at the movies or having dinner will now be time spent on your own. While this can come as a shock and leave you feeling low, you can also use this time to do new things for yourself. If you want to try something new, enroll in that art class you like the look of, head to the gym more often and try out the free piano lesson that’s being advertised.
You might also want to give your image an overhaul. While a bit of a relationship ending cliche, people do take the time to refresh their look as they move into a new stage of their life.
While you won’t be running away, it’s a good idea to have some physical space between you and your ex-partner. Take some of the holiday that you are owed from work and consider traveling somewhere that you have always wanted to visit. You can head to Iceland to see the Northern Lights, do a spot of backpacking in Goa, or venture to Peru to trek the Inca Trail. Go on a solo travel adventure and immerse yourself in new cultures, try new cuisine and enjoy witnessing new vistas.
Breaking up with a partner can leave you feeling like a failure. However, it may help to see the situation as one door closing, yet another one opening, to help you maintain a positive attitude as you look to the future.
Life isn’t easy, that much is true. And it becomes even more difficult once we have a family to look after. Then, we need to make sure that everyone in our little clan is doing well and hitting all the milestones right on time. But of course, we don’t just need to settle for surviving as a family. We should thrive! And if you put a few crucial pieces in place, that’s just what your family will be doing. Below, we take a look at a few tried and tested ways you can ensure your family life hits new heights.
It’s normal that all begin to live on autopilot a little after a while. We’re in the routine of going to work, looking after the children, cleaning the house, and so on. When we’re so busy, it makes sense that we can’t always be as present as we’d like. It is worthwhile finding ways to live with more purpose, however. You’ll find that if you’re proactive with your family, then it’s easier to overcome the humdrum of the routine. Meditation can be an excellent method for staying focused and avoiding autopilot life.
Entertainment and Excitement
We all have responsibilities in life, but they shouldn’t be what life’s all about. We’re here to have fun and enjoy things! As such, one way you can ensure that your family is thriving is to make sure there’s plenty of excitement and entertainment in your life. Rather than just sitting around on a rainy Saturday, you could get crafty, or perform a play, or anything else that’ll get the creative juices flowing. Life is hard, sure, but there should always be time for having fun as a family: it’s those things that’ll form the basis of a happy childhood for your kids.
The Basics of Life
If the individual members of your family are all good on a personal life, then the whole family will be thriving. While it’s important to focus on the children’s long-term ambitions and dreams, it’s the fundamentals that should be given top billing on the priorities list. It’s things like their health, education, and overall fitness that’ll play the biggest role in determining their prospects. As such, you’ll want to learn how to prepare healthy meals for the family, find a trustworthy family doctor, and play an active role when it comes to their schooling. If the essentials in life are managed well, but it’ll be much easier for everyone to be at their best. And of course, this includes you: you’ll be in a much better position to provide for your loved ones if you’re feeling at your best on a personal level.
Finally, it’s worthwhile setting up a system that leads to robust organization. There are too many facets of family life just to keep them in your head. By developing a routine and managing all the duties with the help of communal calendars and so on, you can make sure that everyone’s where they need to be at the right time.
In life, it is incredibly easy to take yourself too seriously. You may not think that you do, but the next time someone insults you, see how you react. Even if the insult is obviously silly or exaggerated, or coming from someone whose opinion you likely care little about, you will often take the insult and think about it. Is it correct? What if they are right? Why do they think like this? All of this can run through your mind, when in reality, that person may just wish to cause the most harm possible.
Of course, many of us learn how to deal with scenarios like that in our youth. However, that doesn’t mean we take ourselves any less seriously as time progresses. In fact, certain life scenarios, such as getting promoted at work, being complimented, or perhaps having faith in our self-confidence can lead us to take ourselves and our egos completely seriously.
So in either direction then, positive or negative, it’s common to see just how taking yourself seriously can be a bad idea. We would like to volunteer the following advice to suggest why taking yourself sincerely, not seriously, could be your best option:
You Understand Your Development
Seriousness and sincerity are completely different things, although they are parallel to one another. When you are serious about yourself, for example, you are much more likely to be critical of yourself. Make a mistake, such as telling a joke that lands poorly at a party, and you’ll likely start identifying just if you had a sense of humor in the first place, or why you are such a social failure. Sincerity shows that you had good intentions when you made the joke, and it’s not your fault if others didn’t respond to it.
It’s hardly something anyone will remember one hour from then. In other words, sincerity allows you to understand that you are a fallible being and can make mistakes, but that if your intentions are good, you are always learning and developing. In seriousness, there is no wriggle room. In sincerity, wiggle room is celebrated. It can help you stop pathologizing your progression through life, and instead lets you consider it as you move forward and try to better your approach.
Sincerity Has Room For Fun
Being serious is always trying to adapt yourself to the latest fashion trends, trying to fit in and understanding that your niche will never amount to anything without the latest fashion wisdom as part of its understanding. However, sincerity opens up room for fun with fashion, pure creativity, and also lets you make a fool of yourself. It allows you to purchase trendy leggings as part of a creative outfit idea, with no real event or extra plan to wear them by a specific date. In other words, it allows you to enjoy yourself. Additionally, it can help you make the most of a situation you were not expecting.
For example, in the serious mindset, purchasing a formal shirt too big for your body might be a mistake that should have been prepared for or considered when opting for a new retailer. With sincerity, you might use that oversized shirt as part of another outfit, or return it without anything to worry about. If you have humor and fun as part of your life, sincerity will help you open up to yourself in the best possible means.
Sincerity Is More Authentic
Let us say that we are trying to comfort someone who is experiencing the loss of a relative. Being serious about this matter must make you think that you need to comfort them in exactly the same manner prescribed by that advice column you read that morning. That you must never smile, must never say anything out of turn, or outstay your welcome even for a second. It’s so filled with personal rules and regulations that you’re not actually focusing on the person, you’re just focusing on how best to move though the situation despite your good intentions.
However, sincerity is there. It listens. It lets you crack an off-timed joke that is received with a small smile from the person you are comforting, or it allows you to talk about the subject without fear of being insensitive to an overdramatic degree. In other words, it is more authentic, and it allows you to connect with the person more thoroughly.
With this advice, you are certain to take yourself sincerely and not seriously. Watch yourself as you embody either one of these. If you pay attention, you will learn just how much of your life is dictated by one of these two approaches. We’d recommend you choose the healthiest options to the extent that you can.
When it comes to relationships, many different people have many different opinions and beliefs. Some believe you should always kiss on the first date provided you like someone, while others feel that this is a forced standard that should in no way be expected. Different genders, different personalities and different age groups all react to the dating scene differently. For example, consider the stark difference between a nineteen year old boy heading on a date and a sixty year old man wishing to find another person to settle down with in retirement, perhaps after losing a loved one. It’s not hard to think how both relationships might turn out differently.
Keeping your relationship healthy, especially in the early days, is not always something that is up for debate. There are better ideas and there are worse ones. For example, expecting your partner to wait on you hand and foot simply because you are now intimate is not a good idea, nor is the idea that you can treat them with less respect because of this.
Consider our advice for helping you make the best of your relationship. You’ll be surprised just how effective it can be:
Understand It’s A Work-In-Progress
A relationship is never ‘complete’ much in the same way that a bonfire is never ‘complete’. However, it can run cold and snuff out when the fuel isn’t there for it to continue. Understanding that your relationship is much like a bonfire is an incredibly important metaphor to consider, and this can make the most difference over time.
Consider the start of a relationship. The first spark comes from the ember, and this causes the fire to burn. Perhaps it starts within a wooden house doused in petrol (attraction) and so the fire starts and you get on, well, like a house alight. The fire is raging, tearing through rooms, it’s so intense it makes you dizzy and also completely consumes you. Then, as this fades over time, the fire starts to die down but still burns with intensity. It has its fuel source, and it cannot spread anymore. This is until you find additional fuel for it.
In a relationship, you need to ensure that fire never goes out. You need to keep using fuel. From date nights to speaking deeply with one another to doing things to strengthen your friendship (a much more stable fire than romantic love could ever be), you begin to keep your relationship perfectly flamed. However, there’s a catch:
Both Need To Fuel It
Here’s the kicker. When finding fuel for our metaphor of a fire, there are two storage areas for you to place said energy to burn. One cannot place that energy in the vessel of the other. It needs to be mutual, and balanced. Otherwise, the fire will be lopsided, and will start to go out.
Both need to keep the fire cared for. This means that if you feel that you do all the work in your relationship, you should speak about it to your partner. If you feel guilty because you know you haven’t been noticing them as much as you should, tell them, and make the effort. Too many people view their relationship as something that simply exists like a force of nature, something as immutable as the color of their eyes or their height. But it’s not. You created this within the course of your lifetime. It can easily be undone. So, if you think it’s worth saving and keeping care of, you need to put the effort in. Understanding this can be one of the best means of helping any relationship stay strong.
We would recommend being co-operative, sharing hobbies and also your own, being trusting and giving them their own space, but also protective, ensuring that they are doing well. Keeping any relationship healthy is much more than a simple fix. It is a sustained effort with a past, present and future, and it lives within you both. Understand this, and you’ll have an access of clarity.
Strengthen Your Friendship
Before, we alluded to the fact that friendship is a much more stable fire than romantic love. That is true, but let us explain why. Friendship is a relationship where we do not expect anything from the other, we only wish to help them succeed. When this is returned both ways, it can be extremely nourishing. Spending time hanging out with someone can often seem like no big deal, but you are quite literally investing the most precious resource you will ever have with them, time, and so that is the ultimate compliment.
Strengthening your friendship matters, and it helps you feel much more embodied within any relationship. Romantic love is wonderful, and it can be life-affirming in many ways. But unsustained by friendship, it is like trying to ride a horse that has not been tamed. You see it all the time, embodied in toxic relationships your friends might have, where they speak to on another like dirt and they seem to accept this is the natural state of things.
But this will not be you. Strengthen your friendship by doing things for one another without anything in the way of expectation in return. Watch how it will blossom, provided you are reciprocated.
Learn The Art Of Communication
Without communication, you’re in trouble. You absolutely need to learn how to do this. If you cannot speak to one another, it might be too late. Learning the art of communication is something worth caring about. While looking up excellent guides to worrying questions such as ‘is he cheating?’ can often be a helpful tool to assess the signs and symptoms of infidelity, without talking about this topic carefully and being forthright about things, you will never have the answers that you seek. It’s in this way that relationships blossom and continually better themselves as the years pass on.
With this advice, you’re certain to keep your relationship healthy in the best manner possible.