Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. The world you knew is crumbling around you, while there are all kinds of legal and financial things that need to be dealt with. Having a good lawyer can help to put your mind at rest, at least where the legal side is concerned. Mediation services like Buncombe mediation can also help to take the stress off.
But what about the emotional side of divorce? While all of the technicalities are getting dealt with, it’s critical to take time for self-care and reflection. Everyone’s divorce situation is unique and each of us handles these challenges differently. If you’re feeling down, stressed or tense due to divorce, spending time to care for yourself will leave you much better off in the long run.
Talking it through
Help make this messy process easier to cope with by understanding some of the mental effects of divorce. It’s totally understandable for you to feel sad, angry, depressed, lost or any other combination of emotions right now. Give yourself time and space to feel what you are feeling. Don’t be tempted to hide your emotions away or suppress them with drink, drugs, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Instead, turn to friends, family, or specially trained professionals who can help you to navigate your way through this maze of tangled emotions. It can help to tell friends and family exactly how you’d like to be supported, as these times can be hard for them to navigate, too. Let them know what will help you.
Remember if you feel that the divorce is affecting your mental health, it’s important to speak to a therapist who can help you to cope. There may be support groups you can go to where you can share exactly how you’re feeling with people who are going through the same thing.
Going easy on yourself
You might be finding it hard to concentrate on other things or spending a lot of time going over the situation in your head. You may even be feeling guilty or having negative thoughts about yourself. It’s natural to feel this way when you’re going through emotional challenges, but try to be kind to yourself.
Practicing self-compassion or mindfulness techniques can help you to see things from a different perspective. You could boost your self-confidence by writing a list of all of the things that you like about yourself or any compliments you’ve received that have stuck with you. Gratitude journals can also be a great way of maintaining a positive outlook, as it can help you to see the little things worth celebrating despite the heartache you’re going through.
It’s no secret that exercise is great for mental health and overall wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence might have taken a dive during this time. It’s natural to want to hide away when you feel stressed or down. But you can boost your endorphins and your self-image by making time for exercise you enjoy. This could be a challenge you set yourself to take your mind off things. Alternatively, you could take up a new sport or activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a sense of excitement and accomplishment could give you a little boost when things seem hopeless and remind you there are new things on the horizon.
There are, unfortunately, a lot of things that can cause of misery in life — but heartbreak often does the most damage to our sense of wellbeing and our ability to look forward, optimistically, to the future.
Yet there is no heartbreak equivalent to a personal injury lawyer, and no insurance that you can take out on your emotional wellbeing. Instead, all you can do to protect yourself from a broken heart is to be careful of how you act, and to try and put your trust in the right person.
There’s never a guarantee that you won’t experience heartache, and a lot depends on the actions of the other person. But since you can do something about how you act and behave, here are some tips for avoiding unnecessary pain and heartache in your romantic life.
Realise that the thrill you feel at the start of a relationship is different from love — love is something you discover and build over time
A lot of people are constantly hopping from one partner to the next, not because they never connect with their previous partners, or because things are just unbearable, but because they are looking for the wrong thing.
It’s common that serial monogamists will stick with a partner as long as the new-relationship-thrill hangs around. But when that seems to fade, they take it as a sign that it wasn’t real love, and go looking for real love with someone else.
It’s important to understand that the thrill you feel at the start of a relationship is different from love. That thrill is part animal attraction, part the thrill of the chase, and part your own subconscious projections onto the other person.
Love is something that you discover and build over time. Love is the little comments and habits that make you melt. It’s the inside jokes, and the shoulder to cry on during tough times. It’s looking forward to waking up next to your partner.
Make sure that you’re not confusing the two things.
Be truthful and express yourself carefully — even “white lies” can sink everything
They say that honesty is the best policy, and they’re right, especially when it comes to relationships.
If you begin your relationship on a bed of untruth — even if you’re telling “white lies” you only guarantee that bigger lies will be built on top of them over time, and that the trust and health of your relationship will be seriously wounded, or destroyed, sooner or later.
Commit to being completely truthful, and express yourself carefully, instead. If your partner asks “do I do anything that annoys you?” answer gently but truthfully. It’s better than saying “no” and then spending months or years being irritated by their everyday habits, until you lash out during an argument.
Take responsibility for how you act in the relationship, don’t try and force your partner to change how they act
We might all want our partners to behave more in one way, and less in another, but the truth is that no one changes unless that change comes from within.
In your relationship, you should take responsibility for how you act — because that’s in your control.
But you should not try and force your partner to change how they act. It will not work, and it will cause tension, anger, and hurt feelings. At best you can gently ask if they’d be willing to do things differently, then leave it at that.
Ultimately, the best way to get your partner to change is usually to “be the change you want to see.” Act a certain way yourself, let the example rub off, and hope for the best.
Time to See a Psychologist: When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart
Relationships are about growth. You meet, fall in love, and start a life together. It takes time a patience to build a lasting relationship. However, even in the strongest of relationships, everyone has moments of getting weary.
The honeymoon phase is over
It’s a fictitious timeframe when couples stop being on their best behaviors and get real. This is usually the time when the first heated augments occur. This is the time when you might realize your partner’s annoying habits like leaving the toilet seat up all the time. This might be the time you decide not to wear the most alluring under-garments all the time.
Some people dread the idea of the honeymoon phase coming to an end, but this is really the time when couples make it or break it. It’s a lot smoother of a transition if you decide to be real with your partner early on in the relationship.
Seven year stretch
Your relationship had withstood some time and before you realize, you’ve made it to your 7th anniversary. The seven year stretch sounds like fake news, but scientific studies have shown this phase is real for humans. It’s been proven that whether in a relationship or single, people go through a transition every seven years. As couples hit seven years together, it’s a good time to recognize the growth you’ve done as an individual and as a couple. This is the time to set new goals, maintain togetherness, and cultivate the areas in yourself, your partner, and the parts of the relationship that need a little extra TLC.
Prevent Falling Apart
There’s no guarantee or magic that is fireproof nowadays. People grow at different rates, and there are plenty of distractions out there to pull you away from your partner. However, making a conscious choice to remain focused in your relationship is key. Self-control is the only thing you need to be concerned with. You can’t control your partner, nor should you want to. Having a partner is having a mate who can be your equal, or the yin to your yang.
You might not see eye to eye on everything like you once did, but compromise has gotten you two far in your relationship. Like people take vitamins to prevent sickness, why not invest in marriage counseling before there’s a major problem? Talking to a qualified psychologist to help you two through simple disagreements could perhaps prevent big problems down the line.
Remember every flower grows at different rates. So don’t give up on your partner if they are growing in a different direction or at a different speed. It’s just a sign for you to get to pruning and watering your relationship. I love the quote by Neil Barringham, ‘The grass is greener where you water it’.
The Importance Of Finding Chill Time In Your Relationship
The longer a relationship goes on, the more you learn about what it’s like to be part of your partner’s daily life and to have them be part of yours. They are no longer separate from the joy, sadness, and hustle you deal with from day-to-day, they are incorporated in all of it. Not only do you feel the burden of the obstacles ahead of you and your everyday stresses, but your relationship does, too.
That’s why it’s important to not only be able to recognize stress in both yourself and your relationship, but to learn how to take a step back from it all together, instead of taking a step back from it all alone. Here are a few tips on how to do that.
If you’re both people of a similar level of motivation, you both have careers, school, or other responsibilities to take care of, it can be hard to recognize when your average, everyday stress becomes something negative with the potential to take its toll on your relationship. You have to grow aware of the symptoms of stress in your partner and your relationship. Are they irritable, less inclined to communicate with you, sullen, or otherwise off? There are some differences in how men and women handle stress as well. Though this won’t apply to 100% of cases, men tend to be more prone to trying to find solutions and doing more stuff when they’re stressed, while women tend to grow more inward facing and seek peace and comfort when stressed instead.
Stop your stress before it affects the relationship
It can be just as hard to recognize when your own stress is going to manifest in all the ugly ways that it can. You might be more prone to nitpicking your partner, starting fights over nothing, overreactions, or simply becoming withdrawn and cold. It can take a while before you realize that this behavior isn’t what you want, it’s the product of stress. Learning mindfulness techniques can help you start to recognize the warning signs of your own stress and help you also recognize how you react to it. When you’re more aware of it, it’s easier to recognize that it’s happening and stop it in progress.
How do you stop stress from taking hold when you recognize it in yourself, your partner, or your relationship? By finding ways to relax together, of course.
See how you spend your time
First of all, it’s important to find the time to chill out as a couple. When you integrate your partner into your daily life more and more, you can slip into a schedule that lets you both handle the business you need to handle without having to spend quite as much time together. But if you’re feeling stressed, there’s nothing better than scaling back your responsibilities to ensure that you have time to spend with them, so find ways to free time for the both of you.
Syncing your schedule with your partner is important if you both want to be able to give yourself over to that chill time completely. If you’re having trouble finding that synchronization, then look for chill time activities that make practical use of your time without having to take too much of it. Exercising together is a perfect example of that. Exercise naturally helps destress the body, helping you maintain motivation, a positive mood, and progress towards long-term health goals, which is great for feelings of achievement. When you’re doing it together, you don’t necessarily have to do the exact same exercises, but you feel the motivation of being part of a team and keep one another accountable. Plus, the post-exercise smoothie makes for a cute little mini-date.
Get away from it all
When you do find time to sync up and enjoy your time together, then there are few better ways to get away from the stress of daily life than to literally get away from them. You don’t need a lot of time and money to plan a romantic getaway with your partner. Don’t stress over finding the perfect far-flung destination and be more flexible. See what flights, trains, and hotels are cheapest or easiest to book at the time and simply get out of there. A break from familiar surroundings with nothing to worry about but the pleasure of you and your partner can be extremely refreshing.
Or just stay in
Don’t make the mistake of putting too much pressure on your getaway, either. It doesn’t need to be perfect or full of romantic gestures. You don’t even have to go anywhere. It’s the fact that you’re getting a break from your daily stresses that is most important. For that reason, a good staycation can work just as well as a getaway. In fact, if you haven’t been able to spend a lot of time together at home, lately, then a staycation might be even better than traveling somewhere else. Take a long weekend to free yourselves up entirely, no family plans, no social dates, no work emails. Just a blanket on a couch with takeout coming and plenty of movies to watch together.
Stress isn’t just a state of mind, it is very much a physical force that acts on the body to some unpleasant effects. Tender shoulders, sore backs, and aching joints can be caused by the tension that builds up in the muscles as a result of stress. A good massage not only helps the mind but forces the body to relax as well, helping you feel all kinds of refreshed and alleviated. A couples massage can work even better. Not only are you both taking the time to relax under the careful touch of a professional, but it’s a luxuriant, sensory experience that can both get you in the mood for romance without the need for a fancy candlelit dinner.
Another relaxation technique that’s often treated as a more solitary experience is meditation. To some degree, meditation is very much about how you experience yourself, building the habit of getting away from your daily distractions. However, couples meditation isn’t as distracting as it might seem. It builds your ability to well and truly relax around one another without being constantly concerned about what they are thinking or how they’re reacting to your presence and actions. What’s more, some find that a meditation partner makes it easier to escape from the distractions within their own thoughts, whether it’s thinking about what you’re going to make for dinner, how you’re going to handle work priorities, or other concerns.
Put the phone away
Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s having a staycation, working out, or simply chilling out in the home, it’s important to not have your phone constantly in front of your face when you’re relaxing with your partner. First of all, it’s a little disrespectful that you’re actively paying attention to anything other than yourself and your partner. What’s more, too much smartphone activity has been proven to be bad for a relationship. Not only does it diminish your ability to maintain concentration and to clear your mind of distractions, but the constant access to stimuli, positive and negative, can keep your mind in a more active, irritable state. Anyone who has gotten into a fight or overreacted to their partner after seeing a fight on social media knows how that is.
Doing chores to relax? It’s not as bizarre as it seems. Chores are a responsibility, but they’re also one that has an immediate pay-off, like exercise. When you finish cleaning your home, you have a nice, pleasant home to relax in. When you’re sharing it with a partner, it can be even more relaxing. That feeling of teamwork towards a common goal is an all-around pleasant sensation and you don’t feel the residual resentment of doing household chores when your partner is doing nothing and gaining all the benefit. It also gives you an opportunity to chat while you work, in case you haven’t had the chance to catch up with them today.
Vent and be vented upon
Lastly, we can’t forget about the importance of communication. It is the bedrock of any relationship that’s going to be about more about dating and sex. You have to be willing to both let your own vulnerable side be seen and to see the vulnerable side of your partner. When you have a problem, venting to others instead of your partner can lead to feelings of alienation or mistrust within the relationship. Similarly, if you’re not prepared to listen to them without judgement and let them get their stresses off their mind, they can never be comfortable being their true self around you.
Since relationships can feel the stress that either partner brings into them, it’s important to let them feel the alleviation of the stress as well. Relax together, so that your relationship is soothed, instead of keeping your relaxation to yourself.
We all wish relationships lasted forever, but statistics say otherwise. It is important that you educate yourself on how healthy partnerships should work and when it is time to make adjustments or move on. You don’t want your partner to drag you down or stop you from becoming the best version of yourself. Below you will find a few signs of one of the main reasons of relationship breakdowns; growing apart.
We all fall in love because we find something unique and appealing in the other person. However, people change, and we learn more about what they really are like, and we develop ourselves. If you find that he is not on the same journey as you, and doesn’t want to change, you will need to start thinking whether or not your relationship is worth it for him, or he is just stuck in the situation.
You Are Growing Faster
We all love developing and growing. You might enroll to a college course, improve your career, or simply take in meditation, If the other person doesn’t respect or value your effort and your journey towards self discovery, they will be left behind. If you have more ambition than they do, chances are that they will not be the right person for you for too long. It might be time to have a chat with a littleton divorce lawyer to research your options.
You Stopped Doing Things Together
One of the most common signs of relationships not working is when you stop doing things together. If he is no longer interested in going to your favorite place, you might be thinking whether or not they were pretending to be someone else in the beginning of your relationship. Other than lack of time, the lack of interest in each other’s passion can kill romantic relationships.
Of course, we all change our outlook in life and adjust our values as well as our personal mission. If your partner doesn’t believe in the same things, maybe criticizes you for doing things one way and not another, chances are that you will soon realize that enough is enough and you need to move on. If you cannot have a conversation any more, there is simply no point being together.
You Just Leave It to Them to Avoid Arguments
In case you find yourself walking away from arguments all the time, you will need to start thinking about the reasons. Is your partner using emotional blackmailing, or simply wants to belittle you? If you are always the person who takes a step back and leaves them to be, you will have to stop walking on eggshells and make some drastic changes.
When relationships stop working, it is important that you spot the warning signs before it is too late. Growing apart is hard to fix, without therapy, and you need to ask yourself whether or not you have the time and if it is worth the effort.
You’re At A Crossroads: Which Way Should You Go? Tips For Couples Going Through Tough Times
It’s normal for couples to hit bumps in the road from time to time. No couple in the world has a perfect relationship. Even people who seem like they’re madly in love might have days when they argue like cat and dog. Sometimes, you come to point when you have to make a decision. If things haven’t been right for a while, or something has happened that has changed the dynamics of the relationship, you have to decide whether to try and find solutions for problems, or go your separate ways. If you’re going through a tough time, these tips may come in handy.
Have you been arguing for a while or do you not spend much time together anymore? Try and work out why things have changed or what has happened to make you feel uncomfortable. If you can identify the problems, it’s much easier to find solutions. Do you need to make an effort to spend more time together? Why not plan a couples massage or at home with some oils and a heat pad for back? Has one of you been neglecting the other or have you fallen down each other’s list of priorities? Have you been seeing somebody else or have you been thinking about what it would be like to be single again? If you’ve got things on your mind, be honest, and talk to your partner. It’s best that they know what’s going through your head.
Make time to chat about how you feel. Don’t just mention something in passing, and then go about your daily business. It’s important to communicate properly. You may find that talking and being frank gives you more clarity. Perhaps, you can work things out or maybe you might decide that there’s no way forward.
Relationship troubles aren’t always caused by problems between two people. Often, issues that affect one person have a knock-on effect. You may find that your partner can’t give their all to you if they’ve lost their job or they’re suffering from an illness, for example. If you’re dealing with external issues, don’t be afraid to seek help. Healing yourself can often have benefits for your relationship.
Sometimes, in life, it’s beneficial to admit that things aren’t working and to adopt a pragmatic approach. Splitting up may be a horrible prospect, but if you’ve tried everything, it may be the best thing to do. If you’re married, it’s wise to be prepared for difficult times ahead. It’s not as easy as going in different directions and not seeing each other. A divorce has repercussions for both parties, and you should seek expert help from a firm such as https://www.millerbowleslaw.com/. You may not want to think about the practicalities because it makes it seem very real. But the sooner you get your head around the processes and what’s going to happen, the better.
Relationships are hard work. You have to compromise, and sometimes, you have to make sacrifices. Often, making changes and being open and honest can work. But sometimes, there’s no way forward. If you’re at a crossroads, hopefully, this guide will help you to make a decision.
Worried About Your Husband? Top Ways To Support Him (Without Pushing Him Away!)
Although we hope that our marriage will be happy ever after, life isn’t like that. Couples face many challenges that can tear them apart. But just like you said in your marriage vows, you will be there for the through sickness and health. Therefore, whether it’s some kind of illness such as addiction or depression, you need to help them through this challenging time. Here are some top ways you can support your husband without pushing him away.
The first thing you should do when you are worried about your husband is to speak to him. Sit him down and explain calmly about why you are concerned. There’s no point shouting at him as it will lead him to become defensive and not be honest. He will just push you away and end up being even more secretive. Therefore, deal with the situation calmly and give him examples which caused concern. Make sure he understands you are not having a go at him, but you are worried and want to help. If he sees how much it’s affecting you, he’s more likely to be open with you. Let him speak and don’t respond until he gets everything out that he wants to say. Once you know what’s going on, you can find ways to move forward. Ask him how you can support him and let him know you are there for him.
Seek help for him and explain why
You might be worried about how your husband will react if you contact a doctor or a therapist about the problem. After all, they might be furious that you have got someone else involved in the issue. But for the benefit of your husband’s health, it needs to be done. Talk to him about why you have involved them and how you feel it will benefit them. After all, they need to agree to go to some form of addiction treatment center. Otherwise, they won’t benefit from it, if they are not willing to acknowledge they need help. Therefore, talk to him and help him to accept he needs help if you want to support him through this challenging time.
Voice your worries in a controlled environment
It might not be possible to sit down with him to speak about your concerns in your own home. If he’s currently taking drugs, you might not feel safe to talk to him about it alone. Therefore, you should arrange for a controlled environment where you can voice your worries for your husband. It might be in front of a friend or family member who can support you if necessary. After all, he might listen if it’s a mutual friend. Or if you feel this might put his back up, it might be best to speak with him in front of a professional. You can attend counseling together and then can explain your worries there. He’s more likely to take you seriously and let you support him if you deal with it in a professional environment. And once he seeks help, you can work with the counselor to get your marriage back on track.
Remember to give him compliments and praise when he gets the problem under control. It will spur him on to keep going in the right direction with his recovery!
Warning Signs Your Relationship Could Be In Trouble And How To Combat Them
Entering into a relationship can be one of the best feelings. Finding that one person you just connect with can be life changing. Of course, often these relationships turn into marriage and maybe a family. You expect to live happily ever after. But for some, that happily ever after feels like it’s over far too soon. This is because there are some cracks in the relationship that has started to surface.
Of course, sometimes this can happen. It might not be repairable when someone has betrayed or hurt the other’s feelings. Sometimes accepting that you need to call in the Divorce Services might be the right steps to take for you both to have your own happy ever after. However, not all relationships need to go down that route. With that in mind, here are some of the warning signs your relationship could be in trouble and what you can do to combat them.
Communication is vitally important for a relationship to work. You are on the same team, and with that means, you are accepting of the other person. You take on their highs, but you also need to be supportive of their lows. Just like you would expect the same. Communicating is the one way you can be supportive. For the good and the bad. So talk about your days, talk about what is good and even talk about what is bad. You’ll feel better just knowing you have your support network ready to cheer or wipe away a tear.
Relationships after a while fizzle out. This is when it can take a little hard work to ensure you don’t lose that sparkle. Starting a family can dull that shine, as you both embark on a new journey. Just as work stress and other problems can have a knock on effect. This is when considering date nights and time alone together is important for keeping that spark alive.
Arguments not being resolved
Have you ever heard the advice not to go to bed on an argument? But yet for many of us, we don’t take that advice and often arguments can last days or weeks. If you are finding is harder to resolve these issues then you need to learn to talk it through. Or at least agree to disagree before the night is out.
Letting the past dictate your future
We have all made mistakes in the past or been hurt. But when you let that hinder your current relationship then you could be in big trouble. It’s easier said than tdonw, but try and remember to live in the present moment. This person with you now is not the one who hurt you in the past. You are much more guarded, but that doesn’t mean you will be hurt again.
Feeling more like friends than a couple
Finally, we can all get to a stage of a relationship where it feels comfortable. Almost like you are just friends than intimate. But again this is when hard work is needed to get your relationship on track. Harmless flirting and communicating can often be all it takes to relight that fire.