The end of a marriage is an emotionally turbulent time, to say the very least. It can feel like your life is getting turned upside down and it can be hard to keep hold of yourself without stress tearing you in a bunch of different directions. However, it’s not impossible to get through it in one piece.
If you’re feeling hurt during a divorce, it’s easy to want to hurt your ex-partner back. Sometimes, the ways that you hurt them might also hurt people close to you, such as your friends or children. You may force people to pick sides and end up jeopardizing your own relationships. Try to manage your priorities and think about where you’re going to be after the divorce, not just in the immediate future. The urge to seek revenge or some sort of compensation can be very strong, indeed, but you shouldn’t put it above your needs for a healthy and happy life past the divorce.
If you can, keep things civil
Emotions might be running high, but unless one partner is fully at fault for the divorce, such as in the result on infidelity, you should try to keep those emotions out of the actual legal process. For instance, instance of taking them to court, you could look for divorce mediation in your area. The urge to make things combative and to get yours might be strong, but you should take the time to think about what you want not just for yourself after the divorce, but what you really want for your ex-partner. Is hurting them more important than protecting everyone involved?
Handle your children with care
Arguing over the kids as a couple is going to strain everyone’s familial relationships. Unless your ex-partner is genuinely a threat to your children, you should hope that everyone has a better relationship after the divorce. As such, let a lawyer for child custody take care of the legal battle surrounding the children. Most importantly, try to explain to your children what is happening without trying to win them over to your side. Weaponizing your kids during a divorce is literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship and their emotional health.
Anticipate the worst
You’re going to be dealing with some ugly emotions and you might not only hate your ex-partner at times, you might find some self-hatred in there. Managing your divorce as best as possible can help you move on from those feelings, but you should also expect anger from your ex.If you’re not prepared for their own negative reactions, you can find yourself getting caught off guard and being dragged into an unhealthy back and forth. Knowing what to expect can help you simply abide it and keep working for a healthier conclusion.
It’s important to make sure you get legal help where you need, emotional support when you need, and to not mix up the divorce with your relationships with children and friends. Think not just about the divorce, but about what comes after, as well.
My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)
Season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been confirmed! This however, is my personal take on Midge continuing to make poor decisions on her romantic life. *WARNING: There are spoilers of season 3 ahead.
We all love Midge Maisel. She’s smart, pretty and
witty as hell. However, no hat in the world can hide the fact that her love
life is a mess. She’s got her choice in fine looking men, of course. But her
decisions showcase what a lot of us do wrong today.
First, lets take a look at the ex-husband, Joel Maisel…
Joel is a hardworking man who steps up to take care of his kids. Kudos, Joel! There should be more of that in the world. But when we take a deeper look into Joel’s ability to love, that’s when things get little wonky. Joel was married to Midge, living the American Dream: A beautiful family, a fabulous apartment in the societies of NYC and he had an executive job. He also had a supporting wife, who not only encouraged him to proceed with his adoring hobby for comedy, but also provided briskets to make sure he got good time slots.
However, poor Joel is still missing something.
There’s a hole in him he can’t explain, so it must be Midget’s fault he doesn’t feel complete—We’ve all seen Jerry McGuire, right? So, like most humans, who are feeling worthless and choose to blame others for their lack of self-worth, Joel decides an affair with his secretary, Penny, will fill that void.
Spoiler alert, after leaving his family for Penny, Joel still has a hole and wants Midge back.
Joel is like so many people. He refuses to look inward
to discover what’s really missing. So, until he does that, Joel will continue
to be the guy who is always missing the ‘one who got away’. Don’t believe what
I’m saying? Look at my quick cliff notes of Season 3…
has a box of unclaimed lipstick next to his bed.
pines over missing Midge, even when he meets Mei.
starts dating Mei, but flies off to Vegas to be with his ‘true love’, Midge.
marries Midge again while dating Mei. The next morning, he tells Midge they’re
going to have to get a divorce because he’s got a girlfriend.
home, he and Mei break up, to where he is now free to be with his ‘wife’, his
true love, Midge. But instead, he tells Midge he and the kids can’t come to
Miami for the weekend. Then, Joel proceeds to walk downstairs into the
underground casino and give an awkward confession on how much he cares about Mei.
Yes, just like Susie said to Joel in Season 3, Joel will
always love Midge and will want to make sure she is taken care of. That is
undoubtedly true. He wants to make sure she and his kids don’t struggle in
life. But by the end of the season, Joel is practically cheating on both Midge
and Mei, if we’re getting technical.
Moral: It’s not you; it’s Joel.
If I had a PhD, I could totally get away with blaming
his behavior on something that happened to him as a child. I could hold
accountable Joel’s mother, Shirley, and her erratic behavior or negligent trust
issues, but since I’m not, I’ll just leave diagnosis to the professionals.
Here’s what we do know, Midge is Joel’s forever ‘one that got away’, but until
he can love himself, he has no business trying to be in a committed
Next, we will take a look at Lenny Bruce…
The sexual tension is high when it comes to Midge and that man. We’ve all been there. That’s why we all love Lenny so much. A sexy bad-boy type that draws you in and can make chemical reactions happen within your body. What’s completely unique and unusual about this type of guy is the fact that they can look unkept, un-showered and underachieving and still have this magnetic pull on you, …and half the population.
1. They have the talent to be abrasive, without being too cold.
2. They have enough sense to make you feel wanted for the night, but don’t get any other ideas, please.
3. They have perfected ‘love’em and leave’.
But every once in a blue moon… these primal creatures of habit, fall in love. Hence, Lenny Bruce appears to have fallen head over heels for our dear, Midge. And why shouldn’t he? She bailed him out of jail. She held his hand, twice, when he was filming those TV shows. Midge makes Lenny a better person. But I ask this question… what does Lenny do for Midge?
After seeing the responses trend on Twitter for Midge and Lenny to become the ‘it’ couple, I realized, so many hopeless romantics still believe they can be ‘the one to change him’. Or in this case, Midge can change Lenny.
Spoiler Alert: She can’t change him.
Only Lenny can change himself. Lenny is an inspiration to Midge in the sense of comedy. But here’s the hard truth… That’s probably it. What else can Lenny offer Midge but a good time and heartbreak? I may be speculating, but Lenny, also like Joel, is missing self-worth. He drinks like a fish, enjoys getting arrested and has no intentions of the white picket fence lifestyle. Plus, he hasn’t given Midge any other reasons to question that.
The moral: Lenny is a great guy; people like this usually are.
But it’s important for Midge to know herself. She likes expensive things and needs to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Expecting Lenny to be willing and able to keep up with her and her expectations is probably unfair of her. Lenny’s a one-of-a-kind, friend. He’s the type of guy that you will love completely from a distance, and perhaps, in a parallel universe, you could have possibly been together.
But if you look at it face value, it’s probably better to love from afar than to hate up close. Opposites do attract, but too opposite can cause division. I love Lenny. I know a handful of Lenny’s. But I will love them from where I stand because I know myself and know, maybe from experience, that I’m not the one who’s going to be able to change them.
And finally, Benjamin…
Every mother’s favorite man for their daughter to be with. But like most daughters, Midge doesn’t want him. Why? He’s good-looking, has no money issues and has a really great job. Well, this is where I suggest Midge needs to take a look at herself—Not because Benjamin looks good on paper, or because her parents liked him, but because she did.
And let’s not forget, Benjamin supported Midge with her career. He believes she’s amazing at what she does. He thinks she’s the funniest woman on earth. Besides Susie, Benjamin was one of her biggest fans. He didn’t mind being material for her comedy. But instead of talking to him about her worries of future resentment, Midge leaves him without the courtesy of a face to face conversation—Bad job, Midge.
As humans, things that are good for us, scare the living crap out of us. People are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if you found out, there is no shoe?
Spoiler alert: You’ve been worried about things, this whole time, and there was never a shoe that could possibly drop to begin with.
Yes, we all deserve better than what we’ve been aiming for when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether you’ve been married to your partner for decades or you’re still swiping to find your soulmate, this pertains to all of us. Like Benjamin, we deserve that person who will have the conversations with us, instead of predicting they already know how the conversation will go. We also deserve to be thatperson for someone else, as well—Some of us forget to look in the mirror sometimes when picking out other’s faults.
The lifelong question of ‘Does life imitate art or does art imitate life’
This question swirls in everyone’s mind, from time to time. But these hidden, or not so hidden, love-life issues showcased in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel hit very close to the real factors that cause an increased number of divorces today. It’s not about her own personal women’s movement, or the climb to success and having to choose one thing or another… It’s about knowing who you are, having self-worth, having self-love, giving love, receiving love and communication.
Sure. It’s all very hard to do at first. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. And there would be no one with these impossible love-life issues. The only thing we can do as humans is keep trying to better ourselvesevery day. Practice makes perfect. So, why not? Go buy a hat or invest in some drop-less shoes. But while you’re doing that, take a look inside yourself and see what needs your attention. You can certainly do that while you wait for the next season of Mrs. Maisel.
In many cases, a lot of relationships can become strange experiences which are separate from the rest of the world. You can easily end up living in a kind of bubble together, and – while that can be nice – it can also be quite dangerous or damaging. Before you know it, you are too codependent, and you find that there is no room to breathe. There is a balance to be found here, and it is symbolized in the fact that such relationships will generally then need to seek out some outside help for their relationship to work as well as possible. In this article, we will look at some of the occasions when that outside help is going to be helpful in a relationship, and might be worth considering.
Sometimes, you will need therapy. That could be because something is going wrong, or one of you is unhappy without knowing why, or it might be that something huge has happened which has affected you both and therefore the relationship itself. If you feel that therapy is needed, then you should allow each other the space to engage with that – and if it is couples’ therapy you are looking for, then it is especially important to do so, and particularly to find a therapist that you can both be happy with. When therapy is needed in a relationship, it is important to seek it out, and to allow some time for things to settle as you do so. It could be the best thing you ever did as a couple.
Even once you have separated from a person, there can often be the need for some outside assistance to make things a little easier. That will generally be because there is some kind of disagreement surrounding the terms of the separation, and that can be something that really gets in the way. If you have children, for instance, you might need to seek out an experienced family lawyer to help you work through your visitation and so on, so that is something to be aware of. Even after separation this kind of outside help can be really helpful, and in fact most couples need that more at this time than at any other time while they were together.
When Space Is Needed
Sometimes, people in a relationship just need space from each other. The truth is that this is a perfectly ordinary and healthy thing to need, and it is important to make sure that you can allow it for each other. But if you are struggling to do that, you might want to seek out the help of a good friend, even if it is a mutual friend, who can likely offer some advice and assistance. They might even be able to help by offering a place to stay for a while, should that be necessary. As you can see, there are many ways in which such a person might help, should this become important.
Nobody ever said that finding love was easy, especially in the hectic and fast-paced world of the 21st century where our personal relationships seem to come second to our relationships with our electronic devices. If you’ve been in the dating game for a while now but find that the path to love and happiness is rockier than ever, don’t worry… it’s not you. The world of dating is way more complicated than it used to be since the digital age has transformed the whole concept of looking for love and romance.
If you find that your dating sucks, here are 6 reasons which may be responsible. Only by identifying the reasons why can you start to make the changes that will lead to a more positive future…
You haven’t spent enough time single
There is a lot of pressure to find that special someone in our lives. But while that pressure can be keenly felt (especially when all your friends and relatives start settling down) it’s important to enjoy being single. Take the time to think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. Otherwise, you could find yourself propelling yourself from one bad relationship to another in the hopes of finding Mr. or Ms. Right.
You’re choosing people with whom there’s no common ground
Variety is the spice of life. But while it can be exciting getting to know someone with different experiences, attitudes and values to you, with no common ground between you there’s no foundation to build on. Whether you’re someone of Arabic descent looking on an Arab dating site, or searching through niche dating sites like this dating site for self-confessed geeks, it’s important to look for someone with at least some common interests and values.
Attraction is important… but it isn’t everything
Someone can be super hot and make your heart skip a beat every time you see them. But while attraction is important, it can fade over time. Make sure the person behind that initial spark is worth your time. Attraction can mute a person’s shortcomings and make you see things in them that aren’t there.
Never forget that you have value. Even if you’ve recently separated from an ex, been single for a while or are struggling with low self-esteem, it’s better to be single than settle. If you hitch your wagon to someone who doesn’t really make you happy this is just a recipe for frustration and resentment.
Your expectations are unrealistic
On the other hand, you can go too far, and reduce human beings to a checklist of desirable attributes… and that doesn’t do either of you any favours. By all means aim high but be realistic in your quest for romance.
You’re over-reliant on apps
Finally, while apps can be useful for time-poor singles looking for love, they aren’t always the perfect platform on which to get to know someone. It’s easy for people to misrepresent themselves on dating apps, and this can lead to all sorts of unpleasant revelations. By all means use them, but don’t use them as an excuse for getting out and meeting people in the real world.
Love is a beautiful thing, and it comes in many forms. It can lead people in many directions, both good and bad. It can help restore us, and sometimes, it can be a challenge. That being said, following your heart and involving yourself in romantic love can be more than worth it if this is something you hope to do.
Staying realistic about romantic love can help you overcome your limitations, and may even improve you as a person. Many think that being aware and realistic about love is simply being pessimistic, but of course, pessimism is in no way more virtuous simply because it claims to be. The fact is that without positivity, care, and potential, staying realistic about anything is simply not wholly complete.
But how does this translate to love? And what are the benefits of staying realistic, rather than letting it sweep you away should it come to that? Additionally, how can you stay both humble in the presence of romance, while giving your all and showing the best of yourself? To that, we would offer the following advice:
Perfection Doesn’t Exist
Perfection simply does not exist. Even in the most fairytale union between two people, sooner or later, real life sets in. That being said, perfection is not what you need to be happy. In fact, it can be thoroughly stressful within itself, because you’ll always worry about how you can maintain it, which you can’t. That being said, a healthy relationship can exist, and loving someone deeply is more than possible. Ironically, this comes the moment when you stop expecting everyone to be perfect, because then you can see the actual good in them.
True Love Does Exist
True love does exist. It can often be found when looking in the right places, or getting assistance from a service to help you find those whom you have more than one thing in common with. True love may not be love at first sight, and it may not be love that comes as a result of saving the world with someone like we see in the movies. However, that shouldn’t turn you away from the power of finding and loving someone you appreciate. In fact, the opposite should be true.
You Curate Your Perfection
While perfection in an objective form does not exist, subjective perfection does. You can curate this carefully if you hope to. Simply trying to find someone perfect for you, such as through muslim marriage services or other outlets, can help you avoid wasting time in directions that do not bear fruit. Additionally, you’ll likely find a real sense of power in moving at a pace that’s right for you, not for others, as this in itself can get rid of the time-constraint worries that often plague new budding relationships. As they say, you can’t hurry love. That being said, while you may never have that 100% perfect romance character, you can make your love interest personally perfect for you, and sometimes, that in itself can be ever better.
With this advice, we hope you can stay realistic and optimistic about romantic love.
Being in a relationship is always going to cause some issues. It’s impossible to be in a relationship that’s functioning well for such a long period of time, it just doesn’t exist. Once you get through that honeymoon phase period, everything just seems to settle down, and the magical period that you created for yourself melts away, and the argument start to come in. The arguments come in because you’re both so much more comfortable around each other, and it’s so easy to pick up on all of the things that you might have been turning a blind eye to before. All of the sudden the quirks that you used to think were cute, you hate the thought of. And when you start to spend so much time around someone, you start to notice all of the things that might irritate you about them. So, we’re going to try and prepare you for some of the things you might not see coming in a relationship, and how to deal with them. Because you really do want to make sure that you’re either fighting for, or running from your relationship, rather than letting one drag on when it shouldn’t do!
It’s often a very secretive place, the bedroom, but there are problems that are being spoken about during office gossip that seem to be becoming more prominent. In an ideal world, everything in the bedroom would be perfectly ok, all of the time. But some women are experiencing problems with their partner, such as pornography addiction. Some men have such a big problem with this, and you won’t notice it until it starts to affect your own love life, which might be once you do get a little bit more comfortable with each other, and the intense passion starts to die down. If you think you’re dealing with this problem, simply sensitively talk to your partner about it, and be open and honest. Communication can save so many relationships, even if you might be a little embarrassed to talk about it to begin with!
Secret Money Problems
It’s not like there’s an interview process when you find yourself in a relationship, and it won’t be that you find out absolutely everything about them, they will try and hide certain things. One of those things would definitely be money problems, and it won’t be until you find yourself paying for more, or listening to them talk about their struggle to afford things, that it might click in your head that something is wrong. So again, try and get them to talk to a financial advisor, and try and help them work through it. The more you’re there for support, the stronger your relationship is going to grow!
When you get into a relationship, you really do get into a relationship with their family as well, and it might not always be the best affair. So always make sure you’re trying to make an effort to bond with their family, because it might be that they think you’re taking your partner away from them, and simple effort with them could solve all of that!
It can be difficult to make the right connections with the right people, and then assuming that you do manage to find a spark with a special someone, you then have the challenge of building a relationship with them. This should be fun and enjoyable, but we know that it can also have its rocky moments. Which is why today we want to share with you 3 ways to a healthy relationship.
You need to be open and honest with your partner and communicate effectively with them. If you are struggling with anything, you should be able to talk to them and trust in them to support you. You should be able to talk over the woes of your day freely with them and laugh together.
Some people are more chatty and communicative than others, but this need not be a barrier unless you make it one. If your partner is quiet, accept that about them, learn to read their moods and you will soon know whether you need to chat anything through with them.
If there are issues within your relationship you need to sit down and talk them through. Things rarely get better just by waiting them out, and neither of you are mind-readers so you do need to lay it out on the table so that you can move forward.
It is helpful to have shared interests, as you will then always have things to talk about, connect over and enjoy together. Perhaps you both love a certain sport, going to the movies, have the same group of friends or share a love of travel. Or perhaps it is more about your nature, and you have the same sense of humour, similar belief systems or attitudes to others and the world around you. These are the things that will both attract you and hold you together.
This is not to say that you need to be in one another’s pockets. It is also important to have your own separate social lives, as you want to come to each other as complete and happy individuals, not be reliant on each other to fulfil all of your needs.
Sex and trust
You do need to agree your emotional and sexual boundaries within any new relationship. Is this to be monotonous or are you open to seeing other people? Agree this early on to avoid any pain or confusion further down the line.
You then need to take your own sexual needs seriously and ensure that you are taking care of yourself and your body, so that you are leading a sexually healthy lifestyle. You need to be able to speak up for what you want, what you don’t want and what is important to you physically and emotionally. In doing so, you need to feel able to trust in your partner.
If this is an area that you are struggling with, it can be worth trying Sex Therapy & Counselling and try to avoid seeing this as a last ditch solution. This is something worth addressing sooner rather than later and can help to make a young relationship flourish or reignite long term relationships.
Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. The world you knew is crumbling around you, while there are all kinds of legal and financial things that need to be dealt with. Having a good lawyer can help to put your mind at rest, at least where the legal side is concerned. Mediation services like Buncombe mediation can also help to take the stress off.
But what about the emotional side of divorce? While all of the technicalities are getting dealt with, it’s critical to take time for self-care and reflection. Everyone’s divorce situation is unique and each of us handles these challenges differently. If you’re feeling down, stressed or tense due to divorce, spending time to care for yourself will leave you much better off in the long run.
Talking it through
Help make this messy process easier to cope with by understanding some of the mental effects of divorce. It’s totally understandable for you to feel sad, angry, depressed, lost or any other combination of emotions right now. Give yourself time and space to feel what you are feeling. Don’t be tempted to hide your emotions away or suppress them with drink, drugs, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Instead, turn to friends, family, or specially trained professionals who can help you to navigate your way through this maze of tangled emotions. It can help to tell friends and family exactly how you’d like to be supported, as these times can be hard for them to navigate, too. Let them know what will help you.
Remember if you feel that the divorce is affecting your mental health, it’s important to speak to a therapist who can help you to cope. There may be support groups you can go to where you can share exactly how you’re feeling with people who are going through the same thing.
Going easy on yourself
You might be finding it hard to concentrate on other things or spending a lot of time going over the situation in your head. You may even be feeling guilty or having negative thoughts about yourself. It’s natural to feel this way when you’re going through emotional challenges, but try to be kind to yourself.
Practicing self-compassion or mindfulness techniques can help you to see things from a different perspective. You could boost your self-confidence by writing a list of all of the things that you like about yourself or any compliments you’ve received that have stuck with you. Gratitude journals can also be a great way of maintaining a positive outlook, as it can help you to see the little things worth celebrating despite the heartache you’re going through.
It’s no secret that exercise is great for mental health and overall wellbeing. Your self-esteem and confidence might have taken a dive during this time. It’s natural to want to hide away when you feel stressed or down. But you can boost your endorphins and your self-image by making time for exercise you enjoy. This could be a challenge you set yourself to take your mind off things. Alternatively, you could take up a new sport or activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a sense of excitement and accomplishment could give you a little boost when things seem hopeless and remind you there are new things on the horizon.
Ending a relationship is not always easy on your emotions, and even a (very) brief summer romance concluding can leave you feeling a little down in the dumps. Getting back to the person you once were can seem like an impossible task, and it’s easy to head straight for the sad songs and terribly unhealthy food to fill the gap. However, it’s possible to move on if you’re willing to put in some effort and face the situation head on.
Especially useful if your breakup didn’t go so smoothly and there’s bad blood and negative emotion, releasing the anger and other pent up feelings from inside through sport or exercise can give you a new lease of life. Kickboxing is a brilliant way to get out any resentment, and doing a long slow yoga session can help you collect your thoughts and feel more peaceful. Any form of exercise you do will cause your body to release endorphins, which are proven to reduce your perception of pain. Even by going on a run around the block, you’ll be helping yourself tenfold compared to wallowing in self pity inside.
Embrace The Solitude
It may seem like the worst aspect of your break up, but the fact that you now have more time on your own opens up the door to many opportunities. Take some time in the beginning to reflect on the experience in your own time, but in a positive manor. Alone time doesn’t have to have an empty feeling, you just have to occupy your time doing beneficial activities. Run yourself a hot bubble bath, slap on a chocolate face mask and dive into a really great book, the more humorous the storyline the better you will feel. Spending time with yourself should allow you to recharge your batteries and get your head straight.
Rid Yourself Of Social Media
The progression in technology has been beneficial for humankind as a whole, but when you’re fresh out of a relationship it’s like a knife in the back. The temptation of scrolling through your ex’s profile page is unbearable, but it always leads to tears when you see how well they’re appearing to be handling it all. However social media is not reality, and everyone online is creating an artificial persona of who they would like to be. Removing yourself from this type of toxic situation will allow you to grow into a more confident and self assured individual, and give you more of an opportunity to use the time on something more positive and productive. If you don’t to go cold turkey, just unfollow or unfriend you ex partner so you no longer have to see their posts.
The most important thing you must focus on after suffering a heartbreak is yourself. You are the center of your own world, and you have to work to make yourself happy. This is harder to remember whilst sitting in front of your divorce attorney, but hold your head high and make it work for you.
Breaking up is always difficult,
regardless of the circumstances, but calling off an engagement is a whole new
level of heart crushing. To enter such a “deal” with someone, in the first
place, it takes being committed to someone to the point of wanting to grow old
together. What makes it even more heart wrenching is that this relationship
usually includes friends, family, finances, and logging.
Calling off an engagement that could lead to a bad marriage
is kinder than building a bad marriage. It is possible, but how to go through
such a turmoil in the least torturous way possible?
Saying the words
‘We need to talk’ is probably the most horrifying sentence to say and to hear, but sometimes it has to be said. Beating around the bush is the worst thing you can do. Instead, face the problem head-on. Say what it is that you want and why you want it. Include your fiancé[e] in the conversation. Talk with respect and kindness. Again, if you are not the one saying the words, have understanding for your partner’s reasons and try to bear it calmly.
The breakup is a serious trauma and all persons involved
need to have time to grieve and heal. It is best to give each other space and
resist the temptation to enter the endless “why” discussions and to be a part
of each other’s lives, no matter the cost. This doesn’t mean that, later on,
you won’t be able to have normal conversations or even be friends, but, for
now, you need time to mend your wounds.
If you and your former partner have lived together and
shared expenses, you probably have more ties beyond the emotional ones. If you
are still living together, until one of you finds a new place, make agreements
about respectful cohabitation, and search for a new place as soon as possible.
Paying the rent and bills should be divided equally, even if you are not
talking to each other, this is something you need to resolve.
Whose is the engagement ring?
Engagement rings are usually considered gifts contingent on
a wedding ceremony taking place. This means that the bride should return the
ring. Still, if the ring was offered as a gift for a special occasion (e.g.,
birthday), it is hers to keep.
State laws vary when it comes to the question who gets the ring. Some states consider
the ring a gift, while others have special terms in regards who breaks the
If there is a disagreement over the ring you can seek legal
counsel, but it is always better to talk things through.
Announcing the breakup
People you work with, your family, and friends will want to
know the engagement is called off. Since you don’t want to be the topic of
gossip and conversation, it is best to tell them yourself. There is no easy way
to do this, but it is the least painful for you and your former fiancé[e]
divide the list of guests. To avoid going through this too many times, make
announcements to groups of friends and family. Do not play the “blame game”,
say it is over in the most respectful way and that it is not open for
Making formal cancelations
The clergy member or wedding officiate needs to know the
wedding is canceled so he or she can take the date off the busy schedule. Keep
in mind that some clergy members can recommend at least one counseling session.
You will also need to contact all the vendors you have
hired to provide services during the ceremony or the reception. You probably
won’t get your deposit back and, in some cases, you will be liable for part of
Regardless of the reason of calling off the engagement, both of you should always keep in mind, and constantly repeat to yourselves if necessary, that the person you are leaving behind is the same person you once loved so much that you wanted to make an unbreakable vow to love and to hold for the rest of your lives.