The end of a marriage is an emotionally turbulent time, to say the very least. It can feel like your life is getting turned upside down and it can be hard to keep hold of yourself without stress tearing you in a bunch of different directions. However, it’s not impossible to get through it in one piece.
If you’re feeling hurt during a divorce, it’s easy to want to hurt your ex-partner back. Sometimes, the ways that you hurt them might also hurt people close to you, such as your friends or children. You may force people to pick sides and end up jeopardizing your own relationships. Try to manage your priorities and think about where you’re going to be after the divorce, not just in the immediate future. The urge to seek revenge or some sort of compensation can be very strong, indeed, but you shouldn’t put it above your needs for a healthy and happy life past the divorce.
If you can, keep things civil
Emotions might be running high, but unless one partner is fully at fault for the divorce, such as in the result on infidelity, you should try to keep those emotions out of the actual legal process. For instance, instance of taking them to court, you could look for divorce mediation in your area. The urge to make things combative and to get yours might be strong, but you should take the time to think about what you want not just for yourself after the divorce, but what you really want for your ex-partner. Is hurting them more important than protecting everyone involved?
Handle your children with care
Arguing over the kids as a couple is going to strain everyone’s familial relationships. Unless your ex-partner is genuinely a threat to your children, you should hope that everyone has a better relationship after the divorce. As such, let a lawyer for child custody take care of the legal battle surrounding the children. Most importantly, try to explain to your children what is happening without trying to win them over to your side. Weaponizing your kids during a divorce is literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship and their emotional health.
Anticipate the worst
You’re going to be dealing with some ugly emotions and you might not only hate your ex-partner at times, you might find some self-hatred in there. Managing your divorce as best as possible can help you move on from those feelings, but you should also expect anger from your ex.If you’re not prepared for their own negative reactions, you can find yourself getting caught off guard and being dragged into an unhealthy back and forth. Knowing what to expect can help you simply abide it and keep working for a healthier conclusion.
It’s important to make sure you get legal help where you need, emotional support when you need, and to not mix up the divorce with your relationships with children and friends. Think not just about the divorce, but about what comes after, as well.
My Take on How the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Reveals Why Divorce is so Prevalent Today (Spoilers Season 3)
Season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been confirmed! This however, is my personal take on Midge continuing to make poor decisions on her romantic life. *WARNING: There are spoilers of season 3 ahead.
We all love Midge Maisel. She’s smart, pretty and
witty as hell. However, no hat in the world can hide the fact that her love
life is a mess. She’s got her choice in fine looking men, of course. But her
decisions showcase what a lot of us do wrong today.
First, lets take a look at the ex-husband, Joel Maisel…
Joel is a hardworking man who steps up to take care of his kids. Kudos, Joel! There should be more of that in the world. But when we take a deeper look into Joel’s ability to love, that’s when things get little wonky. Joel was married to Midge, living the American Dream: A beautiful family, a fabulous apartment in the societies of NYC and he had an executive job. He also had a supporting wife, who not only encouraged him to proceed with his adoring hobby for comedy, but also provided briskets to make sure he got good time slots.
However, poor Joel is still missing something.
There’s a hole in him he can’t explain, so it must be Midget’s fault he doesn’t feel complete—We’ve all seen Jerry McGuire, right? So, like most humans, who are feeling worthless and choose to blame others for their lack of self-worth, Joel decides an affair with his secretary, Penny, will fill that void.
Spoiler alert, after leaving his family for Penny, Joel still has a hole and wants Midge back.
Joel is like so many people. He refuses to look inward
to discover what’s really missing. So, until he does that, Joel will continue
to be the guy who is always missing the ‘one who got away’. Don’t believe what
I’m saying? Look at my quick cliff notes of Season 3…
has a box of unclaimed lipstick next to his bed.
pines over missing Midge, even when he meets Mei.
starts dating Mei, but flies off to Vegas to be with his ‘true love’, Midge.
marries Midge again while dating Mei. The next morning, he tells Midge they’re
going to have to get a divorce because he’s got a girlfriend.
home, he and Mei break up, to where he is now free to be with his ‘wife’, his
true love, Midge. But instead, he tells Midge he and the kids can’t come to
Miami for the weekend. Then, Joel proceeds to walk downstairs into the
underground casino and give an awkward confession on how much he cares about Mei.
Yes, just like Susie said to Joel in Season 3, Joel will
always love Midge and will want to make sure she is taken care of. That is
undoubtedly true. He wants to make sure she and his kids don’t struggle in
life. But by the end of the season, Joel is practically cheating on both Midge
and Mei, if we’re getting technical.
Moral: It’s not you; it’s Joel.
If I had a PhD, I could totally get away with blaming
his behavior on something that happened to him as a child. I could hold
accountable Joel’s mother, Shirley, and her erratic behavior or negligent trust
issues, but since I’m not, I’ll just leave diagnosis to the professionals.
Here’s what we do know, Midge is Joel’s forever ‘one that got away’, but until
he can love himself, he has no business trying to be in a committed
Next, we will take a look at Lenny Bruce…
The sexual tension is high when it comes to Midge and that man. We’ve all been there. That’s why we all love Lenny so much. A sexy bad-boy type that draws you in and can make chemical reactions happen within your body. What’s completely unique and unusual about this type of guy is the fact that they can look unkept, un-showered and underachieving and still have this magnetic pull on you, …and half the population.
1. They have the talent to be abrasive, without being too cold.
2. They have enough sense to make you feel wanted for the night, but don’t get any other ideas, please.
3. They have perfected ‘love’em and leave’.
But every once in a blue moon… these primal creatures of habit, fall in love. Hence, Lenny Bruce appears to have fallen head over heels for our dear, Midge. And why shouldn’t he? She bailed him out of jail. She held his hand, twice, when he was filming those TV shows. Midge makes Lenny a better person. But I ask this question… what does Lenny do for Midge?
After seeing the responses trend on Twitter for Midge and Lenny to become the ‘it’ couple, I realized, so many hopeless romantics still believe they can be ‘the one to change him’. Or in this case, Midge can change Lenny.
Spoiler Alert: She can’t change him.
Only Lenny can change himself. Lenny is an inspiration to Midge in the sense of comedy. But here’s the hard truth… That’s probably it. What else can Lenny offer Midge but a good time and heartbreak? I may be speculating, but Lenny, also like Joel, is missing self-worth. He drinks like a fish, enjoys getting arrested and has no intentions of the white picket fence lifestyle. Plus, he hasn’t given Midge any other reasons to question that.
The moral: Lenny is a great guy; people like this usually are.
But it’s important for Midge to know herself. She likes expensive things and needs to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Expecting Lenny to be willing and able to keep up with her and her expectations is probably unfair of her. Lenny’s a one-of-a-kind, friend. He’s the type of guy that you will love completely from a distance, and perhaps, in a parallel universe, you could have possibly been together.
But if you look at it face value, it’s probably better to love from afar than to hate up close. Opposites do attract, but too opposite can cause division. I love Lenny. I know a handful of Lenny’s. But I will love them from where I stand because I know myself and know, maybe from experience, that I’m not the one who’s going to be able to change them.
And finally, Benjamin…
Every mother’s favorite man for their daughter to be with. But like most daughters, Midge doesn’t want him. Why? He’s good-looking, has no money issues and has a really great job. Well, this is where I suggest Midge needs to take a look at herself—Not because Benjamin looks good on paper, or because her parents liked him, but because she did.
And let’s not forget, Benjamin supported Midge with her career. He believes she’s amazing at what she does. He thinks she’s the funniest woman on earth. Besides Susie, Benjamin was one of her biggest fans. He didn’t mind being material for her comedy. But instead of talking to him about her worries of future resentment, Midge leaves him without the courtesy of a face to face conversation—Bad job, Midge.
As humans, things that are good for us, scare the living crap out of us. People are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if you found out, there is no shoe?
Spoiler alert: You’ve been worried about things, this whole time, and there was never a shoe that could possibly drop to begin with.
Yes, we all deserve better than what we’ve been aiming for when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether you’ve been married to your partner for decades or you’re still swiping to find your soulmate, this pertains to all of us. Like Benjamin, we deserve that person who will have the conversations with us, instead of predicting they already know how the conversation will go. We also deserve to be thatperson for someone else, as well—Some of us forget to look in the mirror sometimes when picking out other’s faults.
The lifelong question of ‘Does life imitate art or does art imitate life’
This question swirls in everyone’s mind, from time to time. But these hidden, or not so hidden, love-life issues showcased in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel hit very close to the real factors that cause an increased number of divorces today. It’s not about her own personal women’s movement, or the climb to success and having to choose one thing or another… It’s about knowing who you are, having self-worth, having self-love, giving love, receiving love and communication.
Sure. It’s all very hard to do at first. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. And there would be no one with these impossible love-life issues. The only thing we can do as humans is keep trying to better ourselvesevery day. Practice makes perfect. So, why not? Go buy a hat or invest in some drop-less shoes. But while you’re doing that, take a look inside yourself and see what needs your attention. You can certainly do that while you wait for the next season of Mrs. Maisel.
When a relationship breaks down, it can be difficult to keep things amicable no matter how hard you try. Although you were once in love and happy, now you are the polar opposite. You want to be as far away from your ex-partner as possible and you want to start afresh. It can be difficult to do this in a healthy way. Being on your own again can leave your self confidence sapped, you may be anxious about the future and you may feel low. A break up needn’t be a negative time in your life, and can be seen as a period of renewal. Take a look at how you can handle a relationship breakdown in a healthy way.
If you end a relationship to expect that you and your ex-partner can morph from lovers to friends seamlessly, you will be very much mistaken. In an ideal world, you may want to maintain contact, but this can hurt too much, especially for the person who is being broken up with. You need to give one another space. Many people do not remain in contact with their exes because they want to free themselves of the shackles of a relationship. It’s crucial that you can move forward without having your ex-partner in your life. You will have learned things from your relationship that can help you grow as a person. See this as a positive thing and have fond memories of your time together.
If you share children, break ups take on another level of complexity. While you could call a child custody lawyer, you may want to try and come to an amicable understanding about visitation and parenting that doesn’t involve the courts.
Do Something For You
Breaking up with someone can be isolating and can leave you feeling lonely. Those times when you were on dates, at the movies or having dinner will now be time spent on your own. While this can come as a shock and leave you feeling low, you can also use this time to do new things for yourself. If you want to try something new, enroll in that art class you like the look of, head to the gym more often and try out the free piano lesson that’s being advertised.
You might also want to give your image an overhaul. While a bit of a relationship ending cliche, people do take the time to refresh their look as they move into a new stage of their life.
While you won’t be running away, it’s a good idea to have some physical space between you and your ex-partner. Take some of the holiday that you are owed from work and consider traveling somewhere that you have always wanted to visit. You can head to Iceland to see the Northern Lights, do a spot of backpacking in Goa, or venture to Peru to trek the Inca Trail. Go on a solo travel adventure and immerse yourself in new cultures, try new cuisine and enjoy witnessing new vistas.
Breaking up with a partner can leave you feeling like a failure. However, it may help to see the situation as one door closing, yet another one opening, to help you maintain a positive attitude as you look to the future.
Time to See a Psychologist: When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart
Relationships are about growth. You meet, fall in love, and start a life together. It takes time a patience to build a lasting relationship. However, even in the strongest of relationships, everyone has moments of getting weary.
The honeymoon phase is over
It’s a fictitious timeframe when couples stop being on their best behaviors and get real. This is usually the time when the first heated augments occur. This is the time when you might realize your partner’s annoying habits like leaving the toilet seat up all the time. This might be the time you decide not to wear the most alluring under-garments all the time.
Some people dread the idea of the honeymoon phase coming to an end, but this is really the time when couples make it or break it. It’s a lot smoother of a transition if you decide to be real with your partner early on in the relationship.
Seven year stretch
Your relationship had withstood some time and before you realize, you’ve made it to your 7th anniversary. The seven year stretch sounds like fake news, but scientific studies have shown this phase is real for humans. It’s been proven that whether in a relationship or single, people go through a transition every seven years. As couples hit seven years together, it’s a good time to recognize the growth you’ve done as an individual and as a couple. This is the time to set new goals, maintain togetherness, and cultivate the areas in yourself, your partner, and the parts of the relationship that need a little extra TLC.
Prevent Falling Apart
There’s no guarantee or magic that is fireproof nowadays. People grow at different rates, and there are plenty of distractions out there to pull you away from your partner. However, making a conscious choice to remain focused in your relationship is key. Self-control is the only thing you need to be concerned with. You can’t control your partner, nor should you want to. Having a partner is having a mate who can be your equal, or the yin to your yang.
You might not see eye to eye on everything like you once did, but compromise has gotten you two far in your relationship. Like people take vitamins to prevent sickness, why not invest in marriage counseling before there’s a major problem? Talking to a qualified psychologist to help you two through simple disagreements could perhaps prevent big problems down the line.
Remember every flower grows at different rates. So don’t give up on your partner if they are growing in a different direction or at a different speed. It’s just a sign for you to get to pruning and watering your relationship. I love the quote by Neil Barringham, ‘The grass is greener where you water it’.
We all wish relationships lasted forever, but statistics say otherwise. It is important that you educate yourself on how healthy partnerships should work and when it is time to make adjustments or move on. You don’t want your partner to drag you down or stop you from becoming the best version of yourself. Below you will find a few signs of one of the main reasons of relationship breakdowns; growing apart.
We all fall in love because we find something unique and appealing in the other person. However, people change, and we learn more about what they really are like, and we develop ourselves. If you find that he is not on the same journey as you, and doesn’t want to change, you will need to start thinking whether or not your relationship is worth it for him, or he is just stuck in the situation.
You Are Growing Faster
We all love developing and growing. You might enroll to a college course, improve your career, or simply take in meditation, If the other person doesn’t respect or value your effort and your journey towards self discovery, they will be left behind. If you have more ambition than they do, chances are that they will not be the right person for you for too long. It might be time to have a chat with a littleton divorce lawyer to research your options.
You Stopped Doing Things Together
One of the most common signs of relationships not working is when you stop doing things together. If he is no longer interested in going to your favorite place, you might be thinking whether or not they were pretending to be someone else in the beginning of your relationship. Other than lack of time, the lack of interest in each other’s passion can kill romantic relationships.
Of course, we all change our outlook in life and adjust our values as well as our personal mission. If your partner doesn’t believe in the same things, maybe criticizes you for doing things one way and not another, chances are that you will soon realize that enough is enough and you need to move on. If you cannot have a conversation any more, there is simply no point being together.
You Just Leave It to Them to Avoid Arguments
In case you find yourself walking away from arguments all the time, you will need to start thinking about the reasons. Is your partner using emotional blackmailing, or simply wants to belittle you? If you are always the person who takes a step back and leaves them to be, you will have to stop walking on eggshells and make some drastic changes.
When relationships stop working, it is important that you spot the warning signs before it is too late. Growing apart is hard to fix, without therapy, and you need to ask yourself whether or not you have the time and if it is worth the effort.
How Do You Know When Enough is Enough with Your Relationship?
You have endured sleepless nights, endless arguments and your fuse is growing shorter by the day. You have never wanted to give up on your relationship, but recently you have been finding it difficult to stay positive. You have tried everything from spicing things up in the bedroom to repairing trust that has been broken, but nothing seems to be working for you both. You feel like your relationship or marriage has run its course and it’s never going to get any better. If you think you are struggling in this kind of situation then now is the time to make your final decision; consider all of the following steps and you will find it a little easier to come to terms with.
Speak to a Lawyer
If you have been unhappy in your marriage for a while now, then you might be considering a divorce. Although it sounds like a drastic measure, for many people this is their only option. You can learn about a divorce lawyer here and start exploring your options. Make sure you become well informed of your rights and seek advice from those who have been there before. You will soon be able to come to a decision and see if divorce really is the right step for you at this point in your life.
Write a List
If you are totally on the fence about where your current relationship stands, then why not write a pros and cons list? Obviously keep it well out of sight and don’t share this with them as it could end sourly. Think about the positive attributes they bring to your life; if you are struggling to think of many then this might be a very good reason to let them go. Write down all of the negative sides of being with your partner. Not all relationships are perfect but if your negatives outweigh the positives then you will have come to a pretty clear decision.
Openly Talk to Your Partner
Why not communicate with your other half and see if they are feeling the same? Perhaps they have an underlying issue that they have been too afraid to share with you. Speaking to them calmly might just give them the opportunity to open up to you. All might become clear after your cordial conversation and you will be able to start taking the steps you need towards getting your partnership back on track. Many relationships fail because the two parties don’t talk to each other enough. If you can have more open conversations together, you might just be able to resolve your ongoing issues.
Have a Long Term Plan
Build a masterplan for your life and start thinking about how your life would play out if you were to break up. You should have goals to work towards and a career to build upon. Don’t allow anyone to stop you from being happy and start living your life for yourself.
So if your relationship is over make sure you take the steps towards gaining your freedom back; you will soon be able to find your feet on your own.
Accepting that your relationship is over is never easy. The majority of people in the world subscribe to long-term, monogamous relationships, which is the norm set out for us by society. Therefore, when most of us get into relationships, especially as adults, there tends to be an unspoken rule regarding the longevity of the relationships. But, as much as a relationship might seem perfect at the time, it is possible for cracks to develop, and before we know it, we are heading for a separation. This can be incredibly distressing, especially if you thought you were going to be with that person forever. In this kind of scenario, many of us struggle to know what path to take, especially if we have never been through a breakup before. But before rushing into anything drastic, you may want to weigh up your options about what to do if you think your relationship is over.
All too often, people mistake ‘the spark fading’ for their relationship being over in its entirety. The truth is, for most couples, the honeymoon period does come to an end after a while, and that is when real life hits you. Breaking up with someone just because this honeymoon period has ended could be the start of a series of unhealthy relationships – after all, if you are constantly chasing the high of a new relationship, you will struggle to commit to someone on a long-term basis. See if there are some things you can do to re-ignite the spark in your relationship rather than just cutting it off. Going out on dates, talking openly about your feelings and putting an emphasis on intimacy are all things you can do to make you feel closer to your partner. If you still love them and trust them, it can definitely be worth putting in this effort.
Break it off entirely
If you have been feeling down about your relationship for some time – perhaps you and your partner fight a lot, and it is wearing you down – your best option may be just to cut it off completely. This can often be easier said than done. For example, if you are married you may need to lay out some kind of separation agreement, which means getting the courts involved. Even if you are not married to your partner, it can still take guts to leave, especially if you do still care about them. But dragging it out can only make things worse – if you need to go, do what’s best for you and leave when you can.
This one can be risky, as some people see it as merely an excuse to cheat on their partner without getting into trouble. But a trial separation should be exactly that – spending some time without your partner, on your own, to think about things. If you are tempted to see other people during that time, it’s a sure fire sign that you are probably not meant to be together after all.