Painting Yourself A Different Color: Overcoming Shyness After A Separation
It’s something that can color your entire life, crippling shyness. You may find yourself in situations where you have overcome it, and you’ve been successful in finding a partner for life, but then, comes the middle age concerns, and problems like divorce are on the increase. When you are of a shy disposition, and you are going through a divorce, or you have separated from someone, having this shyness can feel like a death sentence. But when it comes to reclaiming your life, or overcoming shyness in the wake of a breakup, what are the best ways to achieve this?
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Ultimately, shyness is something that you have placed on yourself as a label. As you progress through life, there are others who get to know you better and realize that you aren’t that backward in coming forward. But for the opportunities that present themselves after a breakup, nearly new social situations, the fact is, these people that you will potentially meet don’t know you have this shyness. As a result, this is something you can make efforts to completely eradicate. Faking it ‘til you make it is one of those things that is spoken a lot by psychologists and motivational speakers, but there is a lot of truth in presenting an image that you want, rather than the one you have. Faking it ‘til you make it encompasses many things, but from a scientific perspective, the reason it works is that your brain is unable to tell the difference between reality and fiction. As a result, things like positive self-talk and retraining your brain through processes like cognitive behavioral therapy, have shown that it is possible for you to change who you are. Remember, your only barrier in this is yourself. So, the next time you look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about yourself, try to turn these into a positive. It doesn’t happen overnight, but by making the positive changes as soon as you can, you are starting on the long road to be a new version of you.
Trying New Things
It’s a double whammy after divorce, as you are trying to recapture a sense of who you are, in light of the difficult circumstances you must, but also, in suffering painful shyness, being social is a difficult task already. But, the trick to developing any sense of resilience in life is heading outside our comfort zone. Even if it makes you anxious, take one small step outside your comfort zone, or if you are feeling confident enough, go further, and join a social group. But the best way to begin is to think about what your own specific hobbies are. For example, if you like getting fit, you can easily go to a gym class, or a yoga group, which puts you in a social situation, but you don’t necessarily have to engage in conversation. Yes, it can be intimidating if you see groups of people there that are friendly with each other, but this is only because they’ve been in the class for a while. Keep going, and you will end up being part of that social group. Trying new things is the best way to get out of your comfort zone, and the trick in escaping your comfort zone bit by bit means that after a while, these situations that cause anxiety won’t make you feel so anxious anymore. There are so many social groups that cater for so many different types of people, such as language classes where you are all struggling to get by in a foreign language, but gives you the opportunity to talk. And even if you don’t go to something like this, group meetups are usually full of people who aren’t that particularly social, which gives you an advantage because you are in the same boat. But it’s always handy to have a few things up your sleeve when in these groups, such as various conversation topics, just to keep the chat flowing. This is part of a great conversation, asking the right questions. And, because everybody likes to talk about themselves, as a shy person, you can be at a disadvantage, because all you need to do is ask questions now and then and the conversation and will continue to flow. As a result, you can feel ready to speak a bit more about yourself when the time comes, or you can choose to sit back and take it easy.
We are all works in progress, and after we’ve been through a difficult time like divorce or separation, we can escape the ordeal with a very negative view of ourselves. It’s one of those things that is so easy to do, because it reinforces our own downtrodden beliefs about who we are, and they compound themselves, which we then carry through life. As soon as you understand that these thoughts and emotions aren’t who you really are, nor do they have to be who you are, you can then take the appropriate methods necessary to understand how to overcome these. As already mentioned, positive self-talk is one of those fantastic things that, when practicing, will help you to realign your beliefs and thought processes, and turn you into a more confident person. But if you find it it’s stopping you living your life, then you need to think about how to tackle this.
You have a well of strength inside you, and while you might think that your shyness is your downfall, because this is something you want to change, and then you will make the effort to do what is necessary. But it’s not a race, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, where you take little steps in the right direction. And for any problem, especially shyness, going in the right direction is more than enough when it comes to changing yourself. Painting yourself a different color is about finding the right colors and textures, and this isn’t something that happens immediately.
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