Tag Archives: relationship mistakes

3 Tips for Avoiding Pain and Heartache in Your Romantic Life

3 Tips for Avoiding Pain and Heartache in Your Romantic Life

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There are, unfortunately, a lot of things that can cause of misery in life — but heartbreak often does the most damage to our sense of wellbeing and our ability to look forward, optimistically, to the future.

Yet there is no heartbreak equivalent to a personal injury lawyer, and no insurance that you can take out on your emotional wellbeing. Instead, all you can do to protect yourself from a broken heart is to be careful of how you act, and to try and put your trust in the right person.

There’s never a guarantee that you won’t experience heartache, and a lot depends on the actions of the other person. But since you can do something about how you act and behave, here are some tips for avoiding unnecessary pain and heartache in your romantic life.

Realise that the thrill you feel at the start of a relationship is different from love — love is something you discover and build over time

A lot of people are constantly hopping from one partner to the next, not because they never connect with their previous partners, or because things are just unbearable, but because they are looking for the wrong thing.

It’s common that serial monogamists will stick with a partner as long as the new-relationship-thrill hangs around. But when that seems to fade, they take it as a sign that it wasn’t real love, and go looking for real love with someone else.

It’s important to understand that the thrill you feel at the start of a relationship is different from love. That thrill is part animal attraction, part the thrill of the chase, and part your own subconscious projections onto the other person.

Love is something that you discover and build over time. Love is the little comments and habits that make you melt. It’s the inside jokes, and the shoulder to cry on during tough times. It’s looking forward to waking up next to your partner.

Make sure that you’re not confusing the two things.

Be truthful and express yourself carefully — even “white lies” can sink everything

They say that honesty is the best policy, and they’re right, especially when it comes to relationships.

If you begin your relationship on a bed of untruth — even if you’re telling “white lies” you only guarantee that bigger lies will be built on top of them over time, and that the trust and health of your relationship will be seriously wounded, or destroyed, sooner or later.

Commit to being completely truthful, and express yourself carefully, instead. If your partner asks “do I do anything that annoys you?” answer gently but truthfully. It’s better than saying “no” and then spending months or years being irritated by their everyday habits, until you lash out during an argument.

Take responsibility for how you act in the relationship, don’t try and force your partner to change how they act

We might all want our partners to behave more in one way, and less in another, but the truth is that no one changes unless that change comes from within.

In your relationship, you should take responsibility for how you act — because that’s in your control.

But you should not try and force your partner to change how they act. It will not work, and it will cause tension, anger, and hurt feelings. At best you can gently ask if they’d be willing to do things differently, then leave it at that.

Ultimately, the best way to get your partner to change is usually to “be the change you want to see.” Act a certain way yourself, let the example rub off, and hope for the best.


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Time to See a Psychologist: When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart

Time to See a Psychologist: When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart


Relationships are about growth. You meet, fall in love, and start a life together. It takes time a patience to build a lasting relationship. However, even in the strongest of relationships, everyone has moments of getting weary.

The honeymoon phase is over


It’s a fictitious timeframe when couples stop being on their best behaviors and get real. This is usually the time when the first heated augments occur. This is the time when you might realize your partner’s annoying habits like leaving the toilet seat up all the time. This might be the time you decide not to wear the most alluring under-garments all the time.

Some people dread the idea of the honeymoon phase coming to an end, but this is really the time when couples make it or break it. It’s a lot smoother of a transition if you decide to be real with your partner early on in the relationship.

Seven year stretch


Your relationship had withstood some time and before you realize, you’ve made it to your 7th anniversary. The seven year stretch sounds like fake news, but scientific studies have shown this phase is real for humans. It’s been proven that whether in a relationship or single, people go through a transition every seven years. As couples hit seven years together, it’s a good time to recognize the growth you’ve done as an individual and as a couple. This is the time to set new goals, maintain togetherness, and cultivate the areas in yourself, your partner, and the parts of the relationship that need a little extra TLC.

Prevent Falling Apart


There’s no guarantee or magic that is fireproof nowadays. People grow at different rates, and there are plenty of distractions out there to pull you away from your partner. However, making a conscious choice to remain focused in your relationship is key. Self-control is the only thing you need to be concerned with. You can’t control your partner, nor should you want to. Having a partner is having a mate who can be your equal, or the yin to your yang.

You might not see eye to eye on everything like you once did, but compromise has gotten you two far in your relationship. Like people take vitamins to prevent sickness, why not invest in marriage counseling before there’s a major problem? Talking to a qualified psychologist to help you two through simple disagreements could perhaps prevent big problems down the line.

Remember every flower grows at different rates. So don’t give up on your partner if they are growing in a different direction or at a different speed. It’s just a sign for you to get to pruning and watering your relationship. I love the quote by Neil Barringham, ‘The grass is greener where you water it’.

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Bring back Old-school Dating

by Cy B.

Bring back Old-school Dating

Since it seems to be all the topic on most social media platforms, I have been asked to reflect upon the topic of dating. The Do’s and Don’ts of today. For those not necessarily understanding today’s dating techniques it is a tough platform to tackle.

Over the years so much has changed and now deemed as ‘acceptable’ nature or so-called behavior. What was once known as dating has now become almost a mythical word that has lost meaning, just as ‘courting’ had in the 70’s. Nowadays, it’s almost as if social media decides your fate.

What happened to sending flowers to an address that doesn’t start with www.. or when phone conversations ended because one person fell asleep talking and you stayed on the line just to listen to them breath, because for that moment it was enough? What happened to working disagreements out and fixing problems? Not just acting like, hey I’ll just ignore this and let it build–not say anything and allow it to eventually explode? When did it become acceptable, bouncing from person to person and just leaving people in pieces because communication and motives were never clear, only expectations?

Y’all, love hurts.

I agree, yet expectations hurt even more when led by blinded by love. One of the worst feelings in life is falling in love alone. Both sexes mastered this little game it seems. Because dating has detoured so much, it’s like motives have selfishly changed nowadays. What was once a considered a rebound is, sadly, very popular now and is almost accepted as a relationship status. ‘First base’ and ‘second base’, once took time to access, is now almost expected on a first date by many, when before couples had butterflies even thinking about advancing. It’s so much more when someone can undress your mind.

Here’s a tip, gentlemen undress a womans mind and the body will follow. When advancing too quickly, you cannot touch the passion entrapped within a womans mind. Dont ask her about her imagination, become her imagination. If you feel the need to ask her something, ask her about her passions, her fears, her hopes and dreams. Ask her what she wants in life and what makes her laugh and cry. Take time to discover her favorite color and ask why. Listen to the stories that make her, her.

Those stories created the art that is her. Listen, and in front of your very own eyes, she will allow you the view the creativity through the events and happenings that has helped shape this beautiful woman. You can then see past the visible beauty, and witness her depth, pain, pleasure, vulnerability and the love in which she possesses in her beautiful soul. This my friend is a gift. A gift that you can give each other without a price tag.

Take it back to the days when snap chat and Instagram weren’t dating sites and cheating portals… When ten likes didnt change your mind about a person… When advertising to your following what you want isn’t even close to what you actually desire. Take it back to when catfishing meant there was going to be a good dinner.

All this back and forth mental-game playing, and men this… and women that… blah… blah… blah… We all need to step back and think. We have all been that broken heart, and we all have exes and problems. But remember folks, before social media was in relationships, communication between two people existed. Studies have shone, relationships worked out alot longer just a short decade ago. I’m not bashing social media. Guys and Gals remember, social media doesn’t ruin relationships, acting single or disrespectful towards your partner on social media in public/private chat rooms, does!

If you are searching for a lady, then be a gentleman. Ladies, if you want a gentleman, then simply be a lady. Chivalry is not dead, it’s just waiting to be, as they say today, digitally remastered by those who value its lost meaning.

We add all these new words to the dictionary every year that make no sense. Yet these don’t change… Love, commitment, honesty, trust, chivalry, dating, communication, integrity, humanity, respect, dedication, desire, passion, and the most evil one of all, lust. One must remember, in life, the most beautiful things are seen with the eyes closed. With eyes closed, you are led by trust. With eyes open, you’re often blinded by lust. Love doesn’t hurt, expectations do. Be open about what you want from the beginning. When it’s out on the table then it’s so much easier to understand–no guessing games, no one being led on, and no surprises.

Like the most famous misquote of Eldridge Cleaver, ‘If you’re not the solution, you are part of the problem.’ It’s simple, bring back LOVE.

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Having A More Amicable Breakup For The Sake Of The Kids

Having A More Amicable Breakup For The Sake Of The Kids

When breaking up with your partner it is never an easy time for one another and especially if there are children involved as it also will have an effect on them too. When going through a break up where Kids are involved then it is always best to go through it amicably to reduce the strain it causes on them and also to make sure they don’t lose any respect for either of you if you were to go about it nastily. Here are some tips to help you get through the break up without affecting the kids too much.

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Stay amicable

Being amicable is about treating each other nicely during the split or at least doing so in front of the children. If you are at each other’s throats all the time the kids will take that in and either bottle up which can affect them mentally or they could even start acting out because of it which would mainly be at school, therefore, having an adverse effect on their school life too. If you are not able to talk things over amicably then it may be best to do it with a mediator or counselor to make sure you get somewhere with your talks.

Get things legalized

When going through a break up involving children it is always best to have any time with the children legalized. This means that you have the children on your set days and this can not be prevented unless done through the courts, this also stops the children from being used as a weapon in a rocky separation as it is in writing when you can have the children, what days and for how long for. This is done as part of the separation/divorce procedure with the assistance of child support who will help you come to the best arrangments with each other on who has who when.

Be fair

When you are deciding on the legal side of things and what you want to get out of the split then make sure you are fair to each other as much as possible as if you were to take too much from one another then this can have implications on having the children and keeping them. If they are not able to look after them because you have taken more off your partner than is fair then that creates more bitterness during the separation and can lead to them making it harder. If you are fair in the legal battle or with splitting who gets what including the children then it will be better for the children in the long run as they will see both parents and have a good upbringing no matter who they are with.

A breakup is awful for both parties but especially the children, this will have an effect on them not only short term but long term too. If you are kind and fair throughout the whole ordeal then they will come out of it stronger and it will be more beneficial for all parties involved. With these tips, you will be able to get through the breakup with as little damage to your children as possible.


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How to Spot the Signs of Growing Apart

How to Spot the Signs of Growing Apart

We all wish relationships lasted forever, but statistics say otherwise. It is important that you educate yourself on how healthy partnerships should work and when it is time to make adjustments or move on. You don’t want your partner to drag you down or stop you from becoming the best version of yourself. Below you will find a few signs of one of the main reasons of relationship breakdowns; growing apart.

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He Is Stuck In His Ways

We all fall in love because we find something unique and appealing in the other person. However, people change, and we learn more about what they really are like, and we develop ourselves. If you find that he is not on the same journey as you, and doesn’t want to change, you will need to start thinking whether or not your relationship is worth it for him, or he is just stuck in the situation.

You Are Growing Faster

We all love developing and growing. You might enroll to a college course, improve your career, or simply take in meditation, If the other person doesn’t respect or value your effort and your journey towards self discovery, they will be left behind. If you have more ambition than they do, chances are that they will not be the right person for you for too long. It might be time to have a chat with a littleton divorce lawyer to research your options.

You Stopped Doing Things Together

One of the most common signs of relationships not working is when you stop doing things together. If he is no longer interested in going to your favorite place, you might be thinking whether or not they were pretending to be someone else in the beginning of your relationship. Other than lack of time, the lack of interest in each other’s passion can kill romantic relationships.

Your Values are Not Aligned

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Of course, we all change our outlook in life and adjust our values as well as our personal mission. If your partner doesn’t believe in the same things, maybe criticizes you for doing things one way and not another, chances are that you will soon realize that enough is enough and you need to move on. If you cannot have a conversation any more, there is simply no point being together.

You Just Leave It to Them to Avoid Arguments

In case you find yourself walking away from arguments all the time, you will need to start thinking about the reasons. Is your partner using emotional blackmailing, or simply wants to belittle you? If you are always the person who takes a step back and leaves them to be, you will have to stop walking on eggshells and make some drastic changes.

When relationships stop working, it is important that you spot the warning signs before it is too late. Growing apart is hard to fix, without therapy, and you need to ask yourself whether or not you have the time and if it is worth the effort.

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You’re At A Crossroads: Which Way Should You Go? Tips For Couples Going Through Tough Times

You’re At A Crossroads: Which Way Should You Go? Tips For Couples Going Through Tough Times

It’s normal for couples to hit bumps in the road from time to time. No couple in the world has a perfect relationship. Even people who seem like they’re madly in love might have days when they argue like cat and dog. Sometimes, you come to point when you have to make a decision. If things haven’t been right for a while, or something has happened that has changed the dynamics of the relationship, you have to decide whether to try and find solutions for problems, or go your separate ways. If you’re going through a tough time, these tips may come in handy.

marriage-451596_960_720Image credit https://pixabay.com/en/marriage-connect-holding-hands-451596/

Identify the problems and talk about them

Have you been arguing for a while or do you not spend much time together anymore? Try and work out why things have changed or what has happened to make you feel uncomfortable. If you can identify the problems, it’s much easier to find solutions. Do you need to make an effort to spend more time together? Why not plan a couples massage or at home with some oils and a heat pad for back? Has one of you been neglecting the other or have you fallen down each other’s list of priorities? Have you been seeing somebody else or have you been thinking about what it would be like to be single again? If you’ve got things on your mind, be honest, and talk to your partner. It’s best that they know what’s going through your head.

Make time to chat about how you feel. Don’t just mention something in passing, and then go about your daily business. It’s important to communicate properly. You may find that talking and being frank gives you more clarity. Perhaps, you can work things out or maybe you might decide that there’s no way forward.

Seeking help

Relationship troubles aren’t always caused by problems between two people. Often, issues that affect one person have a knock-on effect. You may find that your partner can’t give their all to you if they’ve lost their job or they’re suffering from an illness, for example. If you’re dealing with external issues, don’t be afraid to seek help. Healing yourself can often have benefits for your relationship.

If you’re having troubles in your relationship, it may also be worth seeing a therapist with expertise in helping couples. If you’re keen to find out more about couple’s therapy, you’ll find pages like https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201203/5-principles-effective-couples-therapy helpful.

Being realistic

Sometimes, in life, it’s beneficial to admit that things aren’t working and to adopt a pragmatic approach. Splitting up may be a horrible prospect, but if you’ve tried everything, it may be the best thing to do. If you’re married, it’s wise to be prepared for difficult times ahead. It’s not as easy as going in different directions and not seeing each other. A divorce has repercussions for both parties, and you should seek expert help from a firm such as https://www.millerbowleslaw.com/. You may not want to think about the practicalities because it makes it seem very real. But the sooner you get your head around the processes and what’s going to happen, the better.

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Relationships are hard work. You have to compromise, and sometimes, you have to make sacrifices. Often, making changes and being open and honest can work. But sometimes, there’s no way forward. If you’re at a crossroads, hopefully, this guide will help you to make a decision.

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The Essential Guide To Safe And Healthy Dating

The Essential Guide To Safe And Healthy Dating

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The excitement of the first date should be fun, but all too often we hear horror stories about dates going wrong. We can’t let this put us off dating, though. Most dates are safe and fun if a little bit awkward. If you’re planning a date soon, make sure you follow these top tips to ensure you have a safe and healthy experience and all the fun you want.

Talk on the phone first

If you’re meeting someone from an online dating site, make sure you speak to them on the phone before you meet them in real life. You’ll get a much better impression of their personality that way, and you’re more likely to hear if there’s something a bit weird about them.

Do your homework

At the very least you want to know his full name, his job and have a general idea about where he lives. And while you never have to admit it to him, it’s always worth doing a quick Google search of his name too. A quick look at his LinkedIn will tell you that he is being honest, and a Facebook stalk might reveal some mutual friends, who’ll hopefully be able to vouch for him.

Meet in public places

Just in case there is anything sinister about your date, it’s best to meet him in a public place the first couple of times while you get to know him. If he is worth it, he’ll understand that your safety has to come first. Try coffee shops, bars, restaurants, bowling, or even the park if the weather is good. Just make sure there are other people around, and you can leave easily if you want to. It’s a good idea to meet in the morning or at lunch time because you afternoon plans give a more organic and less awkward means of getting away if you’re just not feeling it.

Tell people where you are

Employ a buddy system, so your friend always knows where you are. Make sure you inform them if you move venue during your date, and give them an approximate time that you’ll be getting home. This just means that if anything untoward happens, someone’s always got your back. They could even come out on your first date with you – double dates tend to be less awkward, and it gives your buddy the chance to get to know your date too.

Take the essentials

You’ll want to have spare cash for a taxi, your bank card in case you get lumbered with the bill, and your mobile phone at the very least. It doesn’t hurt to carry mace too, just in case of an emergency. Making sure you’ve got everything you need means you can get away easily if your date starts to go south.

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Don’t drink too much

It can be tempting to knock the drinks back to loosen your inhibitions and get over the awkwardness on the first date, but it can also inhibit your ability to read a situation. For the first couple of dates, try to avoid drinking much, or even stick to non-drinking activities. You’ll find that you get to know your date more thoroughly when you’re coherent the whole time too.

Don’t leave food or drink unattended

Some people are just plain horrible. While it’s unlikely you’ll meet anyone with an ulterior motive, it’s always best to be as safe (and suspicious) as you can. Leaving a drink or a meal unsupervised could allow someone to slip drugs into them, which could compromise your safety. Finish your food and drink before heading to the restroom during a meal or in a bar – the risk just isn’t worth it.

Don’t give too much away

Early on in your dates, try not to give too much information away about yourself. For example, let them know the area of town in which you live, but not your street address. They can know your profession, but not your place of employment. It just means that if they turn out to be weird and you cut them off, they have no way to contact you or find you.

If you’re worried, leave

Don’t second guess yourself as a judge of character – if someone seems a bit weird to you, or you’re just not enjoying the evening, you are entirely within your rights to leave. Trust your instincts – if they get over-familiar or inappropriate too quickly, or anything that they say leaves you feeling a bit uncomfortable, remember that you know best. And don’t compromise your safety or happiness for the sake of saving some random guy’s feelings. If you’re worried about just walking out, ask the staff to call you a taxi or call a friend to come and meet you.

Give feedback

If you’re dating online and it does go wrong, heaven forbid, make sure you report his profile to the dating site and give them an outline of your concerns. It means that other women will not have to face the same problems as you, so it’s all about looking out for each other.

Practice safe sex

This should go without saying, but it is all to easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment. When you’re at that stage with your date, make sure you’re carrying condoms, as well as him. Don’t let him try to talk you out of safe sex – the risks just aren’t worth it.

Get regular check-ups

Even if you’re super careful, if you’re dating it’s important that you have regular sexual health check-ups, just to be on the safe side. Free std testing is available all over the country, so there’s no excuse not to.

Enjoy yourself

Don’t get too caught up in the end-game, just enjoy the process of dating, getting to know people, and having fun. If you’re too focused on where you’d like to end up, you could miss vital red flags, or just lose out on the enjoyment of it all.

Dating is really fun and doesn’t have to be scary. Just remember to keep your wits about you, your friends on hand, and to take it slowly, and you’ll have a safe and fun time.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Devastating Mistakes Made By Newlyweds In Their First Year Of Marriage

Devastating Mistakes Made By Newlyweds In Their First Year Of Marriage

We all know that marriage is a difficult thing to get right. According to the data from the US, about half of all marriages will eventually end in failure. And that’s just the headline statistics. There are millions more marriages held together at the seams by the duty to children and for financial benefit. How many happy marriages are actually out there? Some have estimated that the figure is as low as ten percent.

The reality of marriage is shocking. But a lot of the problems that blight the institution can be traced back to those first few months as a married couple. Couples who make mistakes early on can find it difficult to fix them later. Here we’re going to look at some of the issues that married couples have in their first year and what to do about them.

Making Mistakes When Buying A New Home

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As a couple, you need a joint plan to get yourselves on the housing ladder. Going it alone or having secret saving accounts won’t work. Both of you need to be open and honest about the amount you can earn and the amount you can save after bills.

Once you make the decision to buy, it’s also important that you choose real estate agents with clout. Different agencies have different capacities. Some use data in an intelligent way to find you a home that actually meets your needs. Others take a back seat and let you make a decision that could cost you in the long run. Since you’ll be paying for your home for 25 years or more, it’s essential you make the right decisions as a couple early on.

Giving In To The Pressure To Have A Baby

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Parents, and family in general can pressure you to have a baby early on in your marriage. You can’t leave it until later you’re repeatedly told. The problem for many couples with having a baby early is that they don’t get time to mature together as a couple. Parents need a sort of honeymoon period once they’re married to explore their relationship and get used to married life. Having a child can disrupt that process. What’s more, according to parents, having children is their greatest regret when they look back at their marriages. So it’s of vital importance that parents only have kids at the right time. When it comes to children, it’s worth waiting.

Spending More Than You’re Saving

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Besides kids, finances are the biggest cause of arguments between parents. At the start of a marriage, money is tight. You’ve just blown thousands of dollars on a wedding. And by the time you get off honeymoon, you’ve barely got the money to pay the rent. This is the point at which newlyweds can get into trouble. If something comes up, like a vet bill, many newlyweds find themselves unable to pay for it. This then creates additional stress that can wreak havoc on your relationship. A good rule of thumb, therefore, is to save, save, save. Skimp on the wedding if you have to.

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Worried About Your Husband? Top Ways To Support Him (Without Pushing Him Away!)

Worried About Your Husband? Top Ways To Support Him (Without Pushing Him Away!)

Although we hope that our marriage will be happy ever after, life isn’t like that. Couples face many challenges that can tear them apart. But just like you said in your marriage vows, you will be there for the through sickness and health. Therefore, whether it’s some kind of illness such as addiction or depression, you need to help them through this challenging time. Here are some top ways you can support your husband without pushing him away.

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Speak to him openly about your concerns

The first thing you should do when you are worried about your husband is to speak to him. Sit him down and explain calmly about why you are concerned. There’s no point shouting at him as it will lead him to become defensive and not be honest. He will just push you away and end up being even more secretive. Therefore, deal with the situation calmly and give him examples which caused concern. Make sure he understands you are not having a go at him, but you are worried and want to help. If he sees how much it’s affecting you, he’s more likely to be open with you. Let him speak and don’t respond until he gets everything out that he wants to say. Once you know what’s going on, you can find ways to move forward. Ask him how you can support him and let him know you are there for him.

Seek help for him and explain why

You might be worried about how your husband will react if you contact a doctor or a therapist about the problem. After all, they might be furious that you have got someone else involved in the issue. But for the benefit of your husband’s health, it needs to be done. Talk to him about why you have involved them and how you feel it will benefit them. After all, they need to agree to go to some form of addiction treatment center. Otherwise, they won’t benefit from it, if they are not willing to acknowledge they need help. Therefore, talk to him and help him to accept he needs help if you want to support him through this challenging time.

Voice your worries in a controlled environment

It might not be possible to sit down with him to speak about your concerns in your own home. If he’s currently taking drugs, you might not feel safe to talk to him about it alone. Therefore, you should arrange for a controlled environment where you can voice your worries for your husband. It might be in front of a friend or family member who can support you if necessary. After all, he might listen if it’s a mutual friend. Or if you feel this might put his back up, it might be best to speak with him in front of a professional. You can attend counseling together and then can explain your worries there. He’s more likely to take you seriously and let you support him if you deal with it in a professional environment. And once he seeks help, you can work with the counselor to get your marriage back on track.

Remember to give him compliments and praise when he gets the problem under control. It will spur him on to keep going in the right direction with his recovery!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.