Tag Archives: relationship advice

Damage Limitation Legal Advice For Men Going Through Separation

Damage Limitation Legal Advice For Men Going Through Separation

Some relationships don’t work out, but that’s just human nature because our lives are complicated and personalities change over time. Men are starting to realise that they don’t need to accept some kind of social pressure that has previously made them feel as if they’re the guilty party, by default. Upon their partner’s separation request being legally filed, men have taken more of an active role, to know what their rights are and what the best practical tips are for coping with this challenging circumstance. In the courts, you need to commit to an actual dialogue with your soon to be ex-partner and with her lawyer, to get a rounded understanding of the specific demands put forth. No matter how many separation cases a court has gone through, every single case is treated individually, so there’s no end-all-be-all advice on how to handle a particular situation. However there are some basic steps, men can take to better prepare themselves for putting their case to the legal authorities.  

 

Photo credit – Pixabay

 

Should you move out?

Some men find that keeping the peace is better than arguing when the divorce papers have already set the wheels in motion. They want to keep things civil and try to be respectful to their partner for the sake of the good times they previously had, or the fact that they don’t want to alarm the children. If your partner is reasonable and cooperative, that’s a bonus, but sometimes emotions get the better of both parties are hostilities boil over. The stereotypical thing to do is to move out, but men are no more guilty than women, so think twice before booking a room in a cheap motel to pass the time. There are financial advantages and disadvantages if you’re the higher income earner, by staying in the house, that you should discuss with a lawyer.

Get the proper legal team

Don’t settle for a legal team that’s cheap because they’re likely to be inexperienced. Family law help is crucial for men in this day and age because it’s more likely that your former partner will get custody of children; statistically speaking. A good attorney will inform you of the legal obligations most men are given such as child support, spousal support such as alimony, parenting plans and protective orders. They will help you gain a better perspective of the culture in which the law is interpreted so that you can protect your financial and mental health in the best possible way.

Image source – Cordell and Cordell

 

Consider settling

Separating can get ugly, and the fact that going to court can be green-lit, the tone can amplify in seriousness and stakes become higher. Some cases might go on for years, but your ex-partner and her lawyer can sometimes be willing to avoid a long lengthy battle and hold an agreement outside of the courts. If you can, settle outside of court as this will drastically cut legal fees, and you may get a better deal from her lawyer than you might from a judge. Workout a legally binding stature and think of a long-term agreement that you’re comfortable with, then start negotiating. Think of the things that matter most, such as the children, property and savings accounts.

 

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Escaping The “ZONE”, 🚷THE FRIEND ZONE🚷

By Guest Blogger, Cy Bryon

Escaping The “ZONE”

🚷THE FRIEND ZONE🚷

 

So you have this friend, you’re both attracted to one another, you decide to start messing with each other, but what use to be so simple, now all of a sudden, begins to become confusing and awkward. Then you realize, “oh shit” I stepped in feelings!

Life suddenly begins to change.

You two find yourself out and about, with what was once a friendly introduction of one another, now requires thought and a possible label. And now in the day of social media, they have still yet to invent this emoji to describe your current relationship status! (So I’ll go with 😡 lol.)

You have no easy answer without explaining the entire situation. “Yeah, I’m single but I’m dating X. I mean we’re not in a relationship yet but…..” or “I guess I am seeing someone right now but we’re not exclusive so….

It happens more and more frequently everywhere you go. It never fails, someone seems to always ask, or assumes that the other party is your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” and its directed at one of you. The terrible awkward silence that will inevitably follow for a few seconds after is seriously like a personal version of the ball drop on Y2K. (If you’re old enough to understand that metaphor haha…)

Once again, something once so simple, now is like your very breath depends upon the answer that is to come. For example, you’re out with other friends, and in passing, you see each other. You internally freak out, not sure what level of acknowledgement should suffice in this scenario. Do you just say hello without any physical contact? Do you hug? Do you share an appropriate intimate gesture? Hell, you don’t even know what is considered appropriate anymore because you now are so cautious, like a child with their favorite toy. You don’t want to risk breaking it because you’ve had it so long and you know if anything happened to it nothing from that point in life would ever be the same again.

Oh, and not to add to all the confusion and awkwardness that exists already, we’ve forgot the most fun part. Yep, that moment you run into an ex, yeah, that one you had to explain to numerous times that there was never anything between you and your best ‘friend’, who ironically is, yep, your new romantic interest. Enjoy trying to explain the ‘it just sorta happened’ story. This is where hope for oblivion becomes your new best friend .

Anyway, as time begins to pass and you’ve become accustom to your newfound awkwardness, you’ll begin to see that you unintentionally begin to subconsciously include them more and more in your future. And when making plans, you begin to plan for two. On the flipside, you become hesitant about bringing them to an event or situation that involves a plus one. I mean you want to bring them, but you don’t want to face the barrage of questions you get before you decide you are official. You know the whole official “What are we” conversation. (AHHHHHHHH not a Label…)

You may notice yourself getting (secretly) jealous when other people are hitting on the person you’re with. You’re not at that point where you are in a secure relationship yet, so it worries you a little bit, although you don’t want to worry. In fact, you may begin to worry about why your worrying! You might begin to question everything and making sense of nothing.

Uggggh, why is it so difficult to do something that seems like it should be so simple?

You find yourself hanging out with a bunch of friends who are in relationships, and all of a sudden, you realize that you’re both the only ones who are technically not in a full-blown out relationship.

You are not alone.

I’ve heard so many times in life that those in the best relationships are often best friends. However, I have noticed that a majority of those relationships started as complete strangers and over time they grew into best friends. It is a difficult road to take when you’re already good friends and want to venture into a relationship. So many things become involved that normally wouldn’t be questioned when entering this form of relationship. You often know so much more about the person and there are the risk of losing the friendship forever if things go south between the two of you.

It can be one of the most difficult decisions you may ever make. Then again, it could be one of the most beautiful relationships you could ever have.

How do you get to the next level?

My advice is after you step back and weigh the risk, be open to conversation about it. One of the worst feelings in the world is living with regret of your true feelings never being revealed. Like Garth Brooks says, and I quote, “ Tell that someone that you love, just what you’re thinking of, if tomorrow never comes.”

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Dealing with Big Family Changes

Dealing with Big Family Changes

There is no doubt that all families go through their ups and downs. Certain situations are very difficult to deal with and can put a great deal of strain on relationships. However, it is important that you take a step back and think carefully about the best ways you can deal with the issues head-on. Here, we will take a closer look at four of the most common complicated family situations and the ways in which you can deal with them.

 

Relationship Breakdown

 

 

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It happens to many people in life that a relationship they thought would last forever breaks down. If there are children involved, this becomes even more complicated and you may need the support of a legal team like https://compellingcounsel.com/. Ultimately, you need to try to separate the practical issues from the emotional ones. If you do have kids, they shouldn’t hear you bad mouthing your former partner and you should make it very clear that nothing that has happened is their fault. Relying on your support network of friends and family is very important during this difficult time.

 

Financial Problems

 

 

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First of all, it always helps to have a backup plan if you suddenly find yourself in a difficult financial situation. For example, if you lose your main job, the internet has opened up a range of revenue streams that can pull you through difficult times. Writing out a household budget with a list of what is essential and what is extra can help you to prioritize your finances. Ultimately, being honest with all members of your family and getting them to support your new lifestyle is hugely important.

 

Moving to a New Home

 

Moving house is often ranked as one of the most stressful situations a person can go through in their life. If you have any contacts in your new neighbourhood, you should get in touch with them as soon as possible as they can help you settle into the area by introducing you to others and telling you some of the most popular places to go. If you have kids that you are bringing along with you, you should try to reassure them that they will settle into the new neighbourhood soon and be able to make the friends they are looking for. Moving to a new place should be seen as an opportunity rather than something is going to have a negative impact on all your lives.

 

New Baby

 

There is no doubt that having a new baby is a monumental change to any family. If you have older children, they may see the new arrival as a threat to their position in the household so you should take steps to reassure them that they are not being replaced. If this is your first baby, you should be as prepared as possible by making practical changes to your household and readying your support network to help you out through this joyous but also very challenging time.

 

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Moving In Together: The Post-Modern Dilemma

By Guest Blogger Stefan S.

Moving In Together: The Post-Modern Dilemma

 

Are you at the stage in your relationship where you hear maybe the most exciting or most dreaded words that can be heard in a relationship? Want to move in together? Is that the end of singledom? Or is it exciting for you to move in with the love of your life and start a new chapter in your relationship, together? Well you don’t have to look too far online to find both successful and disastrous versions of the ‘moving in together’ dilemma. Just look at Snapchat celebrities or celebs on Instagram and Twitter. They all chronicle their lives living with their partner, and many times it’s more of a farce than it is a real relationship.

 

For the regular person, who doesn’t have the benefits of celebrity, moving in together can be a huge step that might either scare them, or excite them, since that’s their long term goal. Many women want to move in and live with their serious boyfriends, to secure their place in that man’s life, and to possibly change that living situation into something more permanent, life marriage. On the other side of the battle of the sexes, men usually want to stay single and living the bachelor life as long as possible, so they can enjoy their time with their friends, and date as many women as they like, avoiding commitment and avoid settling down for as long as possible.

 

The Reality

 

But in actuality, the truth is quite different. Nowadays, it’s more women who want to avoid having to move in because they are so busy with their careers and building a life for themselves, that the last thing they want to worry about is having to be bound to another person, let alone a man that expects some babying. The modern woman sees being tied down also as a hindrance to her success and does not want to be obliged to  perform any of the sexist roles that were upheld by previous generations. She doesn’t want to come home and have to cook for someone or clean after another person when she too has spent all day at the office. Going to the gym, seeing friends, and doing the general chores around maintaining a home for a single person is time consuming enough, let alone adding another person into the mix, who might not contribute. That’s why even though Snapchat celebrities make living together look so glamorous, they have teams of maids and staff to take care of the details, the regular person does not.

 

The Necessity

 

Sometimes, moving in together happens only due to necessity. It’s because the modern life for singles in an urban setting is so busy. No one has the opportunity to really spend quality time together anymore. That’s the price we pay for living such an ultra modern lifestyle. Moving in together means you can spend more time together and see if being together will work in the future. Doing all the domestic stuff together instead of just dating and doing the romantic stuff, has changed the nature of dating and relationships. The courting process if basically extinct, and the getting to know each other actually happens in the raw, face to face, living the hum-drum everyday. But that’s the only way people can be together enough to know if they want to be married or involved with each other long term. So, yes moving in together might be scary or exciting as Snapchat celebrities make it out to be, but it’s not as surprising or as controversial as it used to be.

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What To Do When You Want Her To Feel Special

What To Do When You Want Her To Feel Special

An important tip for the guys out there: whoever your lady is, she wants to feel special. In fact, everyone, in one way or another, wants to feel special. It’s all about finding out the differences in what makes them feel that way. Between guys and girls, there are similarities, but there are also common traits they share that they might not understand about one another. So, what can you do that’s certain to make her feel special, loved, and lucky to have you?

 

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Dress to impress

Men tend to be more visual creatures than women but that doesn’t mean that women don’t pay attention to how a man looks. They see the underlying value of that appearance as well as the appearance itself. If you take care of your grooming, if you accessorize your clothes, and put some effort in, she will see that. She’ll like that you’re putting the effort into how you appear when you go out with her. But she will also appreciate the fact that you’re publicly appearing as you are. Humans are very social creatures after all, and women prove to usually be a bit more adept at reading a social scene better than a man. They will appreciate being with someone who isn’t embarrassing to be seen with.

Appreciation and acknowledgment

Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen does not work in a relationship. Yes, there’s a certain excitement to dates with tension. But that tension doesn’t work for a long time. You don’t have to agree with her on absolutely everything and trying to do so will just appear desperate. But when she accomplishes something, when she looks good, when she smells good, show you appreciate it. Make her feel good for the things that she does. Don’t feel like withholding praise is only going to make her more desperate to get it. That’s a short-sighted tactic that just makes you look like a bit of a jerk at the end of it.

 

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Make your mark

Women love gifts. In fact, everyone loves gifts. But there’s a certain kind of gift that is destined to have the impact of really making her feel special. It’s when you get her something that she can display and wear as a sign of your relationship. Now, you should be careful when it comes to getting her gifts that she can wear. There are a lot of missteps to go when picking out clothes, for instance. That’s why traditionally jewelry makes for a great go-to gift. So long as you don’t pick something too scarce or too garish and you know her size, a 3 carat diamond ring speaks volumes to how much you value her. If she’s into you, she’ll be proud to wear it on her finger afterward. That can also serve as a sign of how much she appreciates that you value her.

Little touches

Now, this doesn’t mean you should take free reign to start feeling however you like. When you’re spending time with her in a casual setting, such as a date, then keep touches appropriate. However, little touches like on her wrist, her elbow, or brushing her hair back can work wonders. You have to make sure she’s comfortable with it, of course. Test the waters to see how she reacts. A lot of women love little touches because of the tactile bond that builds. But it also makes them feel desirable. It shows that you want to touch them, which is just as important as the touch itself. It’s a classy way to show you want them.

 

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Remember what she says

This shouldn’t really be a tip, but it’s a very consistent complaint by women that guys they date tend to be pretty bad at remembering what they might consider important details. For instance, what she likes, what she dislikes, and what her values are. Pay attention to her when she talks. But not only her. If she’s introducing you to friends and family, it’s because she wants to welcome you into her life. If you then go on to forget the names of every single person she introduces you to, it doesn’t just reflect on how you consider those people. It reflects on how you consider anyone close to her and, in response, her.

No-one wants to be in a relationship where they don’t feel valued or that the details of their life aren’t that important to their partner. If you want to keep her sweet, then make her feel special. If you’re lucky, she’ll make you feel the same way.

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Saying Goodbye To That Relationship And Starting Fresh

Saying Goodbye To That Relationship And Starting Fresh

Pexels

 

It’s always a tough time when you reach the end of a relationship. After all, you might have been with the person a number of years. And they probably have been the closest person to you. And if you are married, it can be even tougher as you have to go through a tricky divorce. But it’s important to remember there is a fresh start at the end of this difficult time. In fact, here is some help to ensure you can say goodbye to that relationship for good.

 

Put pictures away in a box

 

It’s always photos which can spark up memories of your life with your ex. In fact, you can just glance at a picture of the wedding, or even a photo of your first date, and it can send you back to the time. Therefore, to help you through to the other side, you need to remove all photos in your home of your other half. You might not want to throw them in the bin. After all, you can’t wipe the memories completely from your life. Therefore, get a box which you can fill with pictures of the past relationship. Putting them away can help you move on with your life. As for social media, it’s a good idea to delete photographs of you with your old partner. After all, it will ensure you get no reminders of the past relationship on your timeline. And you might want to unfriend them. That way, it will stop you becoming a regular stalker on their profile!

 

Get rid of any permanent reminders

 

While you might be able to put old photos away in a box, it can be harder when it comes to more permanent reminders. For example, you might still be wearing your wedding ring on your finger. But if you keep seeing it when you are going about your day, it’s going to make it tricky to say goodbye to your relationship. Therefore, take the ring off as soon as possible and put it away in the drawer. Also, if you have any tattoos of your partner’s name, it’s now time to get rid of it. After all, you don’t want this permanent reminder of your ex on your skin. In fact, you might want to book in for tattoo removal to ensure it’s a distant memory. And with these permanent reminders gone, you can move on with your life.

 

Look into moving place

 

You might have spent the last few years living with your other half. But now you have split, your partner might be letting you stay in the humble abode. But it’s always a good idea to start somewhere new if you want to say goodbye to the relationship for good. After all, there will be a ton of memories you will have shared together in the place. And it will always feel like the home of the two of you. Therefore, give your notice to the landlord or sell up to ensure you can find somewhere new to start again.

 

And remember to have a final chat with your ex. So many couples leave things unsaid. But to ensure you can move on, it’s time to have a chat with your other half to ensure you say everything you want to!

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What Should I Do If My Siblings Contest The Will?

What Should I Do If My Siblings Contest The Will?

The death of a loved one is a troubling time for everybody involved. The dividing up of the possessions can often be one of the hardest parts because it feels like a final end to that person’s life. You’re left with a big box of reminders that make you think about that person every time you look inside and that’s if everything goes smoothly. If there are any complications then the whole process could get a lot worse than it already is. While it might not seem like a time for sibling rivalry, it is fairly common for people to contest the will of the deceased if they think it’s unfair. It’s a horrible situation to find yourself in and it’s not going to be easy to deal with, but if somebody decides to contest the will, you’ll have no choice but to deal with it. Keep these things in mind if you want to make it as pain-free as possible.

 

29528663594_e64a3dc347_zImage From Flickr

 

Be Civil

 

You’re likely to be feeling a lot of strong emotions during this period and that will be made a lot worse by somebody throwing a spanner in the works like this. The natural reaction is likely to be anger, but this won’t help anybody, it will only fuel the flames and make things ugly. You need to keep a handle on your sibling rivalry. While you’re going through the process of dealing with any contentions to the will, keep any discussions about it confined to official proceedings and don’t have any contact with your siblings outside of that until all of the decisions have been made.

 

Challenge Their Challenge

 

Challenging a will isn’t something that you can do easily. It’s a legally binding document that holds up in most cases. You can’t contest it because you think that your siblings have got more than you and it isn’t fair. It is up to the deceased to decide how the assets are split up and that decision is final. If your sibling does have a legitimate reason to challenge the will, get yourself representation from somewhere like Nussbaum Family Lawyers and defend against their challenge. There are only four main reasons that a will can be contested; the first reason is to do with the witnesses to the will signing. If there were not the requisite two witnesses present, it can be challenged as it is technically invalid. The second reason, and one of the most common reasons that a will is challenged, is the mental capacity of the deceased at the time of signing. If that person was not considered to be in a completely fit state of mind when they signed the will, then the decisions that they made can be brought into question. The same sort of challenge can be made if the person was under the influence of alcohol or drugs when they signed. The last reason is if the will was signed as a result of fraud, for example, if the person signed it believing it was another document.

 

Avoid It Altogether

 

People often try to challenge a will based on a specific item or something similar. Children that have cared for their parents often feel that they are entitled to more than the rest of the family. If there is one particular issue that is causing all of the disputes, why not discuss it with your sibling before you get any lawyers involved and see if there is anything that you can work out. This will save you a lot of time and money in the long run and can help you avoid any bad feeling between you and your family.

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The Psychological Impact of Aging on Couples

The Psychological Impact of Aging on Couples

Aging is an inevitability of life and one that few people look forward to. It is also a significant concern, particularly for couples. Growing old is unpredictable, with people deteriorating at different rates, and requiring other forms of care. For those who are becoming older and are no longer capable of being 100% independent, assisted living facilities (ALFs) are available. Here, they can maintain their independence to a degree, while having medical and caring support on site available at the same time.

 

pexels-photo-339620Image from Pexels

 

The Psychological Impact of Aging

 

Aging is a life transition, and all the big life changes come with significant psychological issues. When people age, they often start to experience a fear of the future. They worry about how long they have left, whether their memory will deteriorate, whether they can continue to have an active social life and play a role in the lives of their children and grandchildren. Additionally, as people age, they are more likely to experience grief as others around them start to pass away. It is also more common for them to experience ageism and discrimination, making them feel as if they are losing their independence.

 

These are all very significant issues that must be addressed properly. This is also because the psychological effects of aging have a direct impact on physical health as well. In fact, this is something specifically discussed by the American Psychological Association, who have released some statistics to demonstrate the link between psychological and physical well-being in the elderly. Specifically, they found that:

 

  • 50% to 70% of all visits to primary care physicians by the elderly are about stress, depression, or anxiety.
  • Older people who have significant or chronic health conditions are more likely to also suffer from depression. Furthermore, untreated mental health conditions often lead to poorer outcomes in physical health conditions, as people with conditions like depression tend to have a weaker immune system as well.
  • Depression is one of the leading causes of disability according to the World Health Organization.
  • Aging individuals who have their mental health needs addressed require less other forms of medical care as well.

 

The Psychological Impact of Moving into Assisted Living

 

pexels-photo-41073Image Credit

 

Assisted living has been shown to be very effective, offering a viable alternative to hospitalization or nursing homes. At the same time, the psychological impact of making this move is undeniable and must be understood. Some of the key stressors include:

 

  • Moving stress, caused by having to pack belongings and getting everything done on time.
  • A sense of loss and grief, caused by having to say goodbye to something for a final time, knowing that they will never return.
  • Fear of the unknown, having to move to an unfamiliar place.

 

Put together, these factors can cause “relocation stress”, which can lead to depression, difficulty sleeping, and other health problems. While all of this is properly understood, and a lot of help is out there for young people helping their mother and father into assisted living, as well as for seniors to help them transition, a key factor that is often not addressed is what needs to happen if the move relates to a couple.

 

It is undeniable that moving into an ALF has tremendous benefits for the person who needs it. In fact, various studies, including one posted in The Journals of Gerontology, have demonstrated that those in these facilities have an increased quality of life, better health, and more social cohesion and engagement. However, what happens when one person requires assisted living, but the other person does not?

 

What to Look for in a Facility that Caters to Couples

 

As you can see from the above, it is hard to age, and even harder to admit that more help is needed. This applies in particular to couples, where one person may have significant health needs, whereas the other does not. There are two added difficulties in this. Firstly, it means one person has to move when they are not ready for it yet and, secondly, that they often feel they have failed in properly looking after their partner. If this is happening to your parents, do try to reassure them that, in fact, making the decision to move to an ALF is the best that they can do to look after each other. Do also reassure them about the fact that there are plenty of facilities available that cater specifically to couples.

 

Finding Assisted Living Facilities

 

If you are at the point that your parents agree that they should move to an ALF, even if it is because only one of them needs more intensive care, there are five essential tips that you should follow to make this huge transition as comfortable as possible:

 

old-people-couple-together-connectedPhoto Credit

 

  1. Make sure you spend lots of time researching the options that are available to them.

 

If you have elderly parents, and you feel that it is time to find assisted living for them, then it is important that you do so in an inclusive, respectful manner that is mindful of the psychological issues discussed above. Spend time together to look in your area for what is available, giving your parents a choice. It is important that they understand that you are not aiming to take away their independence, nor that you feel they have become a burden on you. Rather, finding assisted living is an opportunity for them to enjoy the highest possible quality of life. Where they want to do this is a decision that they should be 100% involved in.

 

  1. Work on your finances.

 

Moving home is stressful, whether it is the first time you leave home as a young person, or whether you are elderly. The last thing you need at that point is to have increased levels of stress because of finances. It is unlikely that Medicare will cover the full cost of an ALF, although they may provide coverage for some of the care that your parents receive there. If you parents have other health insurance, you will need to look into the coverage they offer as well.

 

  1. Talk about the available space.

 

When in assisted living, your parents will have a space of their own. What that space looks like varies, although it is common to have a private bathroom, bedroom, and living area. Although they will have all this space, it is unlikely that it will be as big as their current home. This means that some difficult decisions will have to be made regarding which pieces of furniture can come, and which have to be said goodbye to.

 

  1. Consider your parents’ social needs.

 

One key factor of importance when helping to find an ALF is that your parents will have high social engagement. In fact, the Journal of Applied Gerontology has written a report on how proper social engagement increases overall mental well-being in the elderly, which in turn improves physical well-being as well. The study focused specifically on activity theory, looking at its impact on depressive symptoms and on life satisfaction. What the study showed was that friendliness of fellow residents and of the staff in the facility was crucial to improving life satisfaction. It also showed that simple things, such as having enjoyable mealtimes, helped to lower the depressive symptoms. What this suggests is that assisted living facilities in which residents are encouraged to interact with one another are likely to be the better ones. This is certainly something that you can discuss with your parents while helping them look for a facility.

 

  1. Prepare yourself for future health needs.

 

Unfortunately, as people age, their health deteriorates, and you must prepare yourself for this. If only one parent required assisted living care, then you have to ready yourself for them needing more intensive care later on in life. The parent that perhaps did not yet need this type of care will get to a point where their health starts to be affected as well. It is best to discuss this to a degree with your parents, concerning building an understanding what their wishes are. But other than that, this is something you will have to prepare yourself for in person.

 

Aging is one of the greatest tragedies of life. It is a tough time, one in which people start to understand that they are nearing the end. They often feel like they have become a burden on others and this has a significant impact on their overall mental health and well-being. You, as their child, can help mitigate that to some degree by encouraging your parents to agree to move into an ALF, even if only one of the two actually needs it. Show your parents that there is no shame in asking for help but rather that it is a sign of strength. It means that they want to continue to enjoy their life, but in a way in which they receive support, safe, and comfortable. Last but not least, remember to visit them often, you are part of their social lifeline!

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Dealing with a Difficult Ex

Dealing with a Difficult Ex

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Dealing with a difficult ex after a breakup can be really tough, especially if they harbor negative feelings towards you, and especially if you have kids to think about and you can’t just sever all contact with your ex-spouse. Although it won’t be easy, here are some tips for dealing with a difficult ex that might help you to get through it a bit more easily:

 

Say No to Negative Intimacy

 

Negative intimacy is the term used to describe the process that many ex-couples go through whereby one or both of them try to punch each other’s buttons in the hope of getting a reaction. If your ex tries to make you mad, the best thing you can do is to not react at all. Stay calm and don’t give them what they want and it won’t be long before they get the message and give up on trying to make you angry.

 

Treat Them Impersonally

 

It’s always nice to have a good relationship with your exes, especially if they are parents to any of your children, but when you’re dealing with a difficult ex, who’s behaving badly towards you or even trying to cause you harm, it’s best to be as impersonal in any interactions you must have as possible. That way, you’re less likely to get into arguments or give them, in their mind, the wrong idea about the future of your relationship.

 

Keep the Children Out of It

 

Depending on how crazy your ex is, it might not always be possible, but nevertheless, you should strive to keep the kids out of your issues with your spouse. You should refrain from speaking negatively about your ex in front of them, and you should never make them the go-between in your relationship with your ex-spouse. After all, no child wants to have to choose between parents or have to hear negative things about them. Obviously, if you think your ex’s behavior could put your kids in danger, that’s a different matter, and they may have to be told about certain things to keep them safe.

 

Think About Yourself, Not Your Ex

 

When your ex is being difficult, playing mind games with you and generally trying to make your life tougher than it should be, it can be tempting to spend all of your time and energy fighting him or her, talking to your friends about him and allowing her to take over your every waking thought. This isn’t going to do anything but stress you out, make you more anxious and stop you from living your life. So, instead of putting the focus on your ex, put it firmly on yourself and your kids. Have fun together, take the time to relax and as far as possible, block your ex from your thoughts. You won’t be able to do it all the time, but the more you shift your focus, the better you will feel.

 

Hire an Attorney

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If things start to go too far and your ex begins harassing you to the point that you fear for your safety, hiring a good attorney who knows how to get a restraining order fast is a serious possibility. You should not have to worry about your own safety ever, and there are things you can do to keep you and your kids safe, should it come to that.

 

Cut Communication Completely

 

When things get to the point that you’re considering legal action, it’s probably smart to cut all contact with your ex. Block his number from your phone, avoid going to places you know he’ll be and if he does get in touch with you, simply ignore him.

 

Let Other People in Your Life Know

 

If the situation turns abusive and you get to the point where you need to protect yourself, you should definitely let the other people in your life, who need to know about it, know what’s going on. People at your work, the teachers at your kids’ schools and your immediate family, will need to be on alert for any unusual behavior from your ex so that if he or she tries to do something harmful to you or the kids, they can be stopped before they ever get the chance.

 

See a Therapist

 

If dealing with a difficult ex is really taking its toll on you for your own sake, you might want to consider enrolling in therapy, where you can vent your frustrations and learn coping mechanisms to help you through. You might think it’s actually your ex who needs therapy, but you can only look after yourself!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

The Two Keys to Settling Family Disputes

The Two Keys to Settling Family Disputes

Even the most tight-knit of families fight from time to time. So, if yours does, then fear not. It’s not because you don’t love each other. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to fall out forever. There are ways to settle even the most heated of family disputes, two of them can be found below.

 

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Put being happy before being right

 

By putting the happiness of both your family and yourself before a need to be right all the time, you will go a long way to not having to call a divorce attorney. This is because of the fact that most arguments between spouses don’t cease because either — or both — of them won’t give in until they are seen as the ones in the right. Neither will stop until the other admits they’re right. Neither will stop until they get the last word. But, when you really think about it — isn’t it this all a bit childish? Isn’t that something we’d expect our children to do, rather than ourselves? However, no matter how childish you may have realised it to be when looking in at it from the outside, when you are in the inside of it it doesn’t seem to be childish at all. It seems like the right thing to do. But trying to be right isn’t the right thing to do. Trying to be happy is. So, the next time you feel that unexplainable need to be right. Try to replace it with a need to be happy instead. And always remember that divorce is never your only option.

 

 

Tackle problems, not people

 

Yes, a dispute may have arisen in your family because somebody has done something terrible. But, before you starting coming down like a sack of potatoes on that particular person, try tackling the problem first. Let’s take the idea of your child getting his or herself in trouble with the police for a minor incident as an example. Yes, you are livid. Yes, it’s a good idea to make sure they know they have done wrong. But it is NOT a good idea to continue berating them until it causes a dispute. You should instead focus your efforts on to the problem itself and tackle that. It could mean you uncover that your child has been hanging around with the wrong crowd. You could uncover that your child had been influenced by them, or maybe had even been under the influence of alcohol. You could find out any number of bad things. But isn’t it better to know of these things, rather than to not know of them? By focusing your efforts on the problem you can uncover the truth about it far quicker. That then means the dispute is cleared up far quicker also.

 

 

For more resolutions for the plight of life that is family disputes, make sure to click here. And make sure to remember that, although there is an I in family, you can’t act for your own intentions. It’s healthy to focus on yourself regularly, but for the majority of the time you have to think about your family. So, let’s just pretend there is no I in family.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram