Tag Archives: mental health tips

Escaping The “ZONE”, 🚷THE FRIEND ZONE🚷

By Guest Blogger, Cy Bryon

Escaping The “ZONE”

🚷THE FRIEND ZONE🚷

 

So you have this friend, you’re both attracted to one another, you decide to start messing with each other, but what use to be so simple, now all of a sudden, begins to become confusing and awkward. Then you realize, “oh shit” I stepped in feelings!

Life suddenly begins to change.

You two find yourself out and about, with what was once a friendly introduction of one another, now requires thought and a possible label. And now in the day of social media, they have still yet to invent this emoji to describe your current relationship status! (So I’ll go with 😡 lol.)

You have no easy answer without explaining the entire situation. “Yeah, I’m single but I’m dating X. I mean we’re not in a relationship yet but…..” or “I guess I am seeing someone right now but we’re not exclusive so….

It happens more and more frequently everywhere you go. It never fails, someone seems to always ask, or assumes that the other party is your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” and its directed at one of you. The terrible awkward silence that will inevitably follow for a few seconds after is seriously like a personal version of the ball drop on Y2K. (If you’re old enough to understand that metaphor haha…)

Once again, something once so simple, now is like your very breath depends upon the answer that is to come. For example, you’re out with other friends, and in passing, you see each other. You internally freak out, not sure what level of acknowledgement should suffice in this scenario. Do you just say hello without any physical contact? Do you hug? Do you share an appropriate intimate gesture? Hell, you don’t even know what is considered appropriate anymore because you now are so cautious, like a child with their favorite toy. You don’t want to risk breaking it because you’ve had it so long and you know if anything happened to it nothing from that point in life would ever be the same again.

Oh, and not to add to all the confusion and awkwardness that exists already, we’ve forgot the most fun part. Yep, that moment you run into an ex, yeah, that one you had to explain to numerous times that there was never anything between you and your best ‘friend’, who ironically is, yep, your new romantic interest. Enjoy trying to explain the ‘it just sorta happened’ story. This is where hope for oblivion becomes your new best friend .

Anyway, as time begins to pass and you’ve become accustom to your newfound awkwardness, you’ll begin to see that you unintentionally begin to subconsciously include them more and more in your future. And when making plans, you begin to plan for two. On the flipside, you become hesitant about bringing them to an event or situation that involves a plus one. I mean you want to bring them, but you don’t want to face the barrage of questions you get before you decide you are official. You know the whole official “What are we” conversation. (AHHHHHHHH not a Label…)

You may notice yourself getting (secretly) jealous when other people are hitting on the person you’re with. You’re not at that point where you are in a secure relationship yet, so it worries you a little bit, although you don’t want to worry. In fact, you may begin to worry about why your worrying! You might begin to question everything and making sense of nothing.

Uggggh, why is it so difficult to do something that seems like it should be so simple?

You find yourself hanging out with a bunch of friends who are in relationships, and all of a sudden, you realize that you’re both the only ones who are technically not in a full-blown out relationship.

You are not alone.

I’ve heard so many times in life that those in the best relationships are often best friends. However, I have noticed that a majority of those relationships started as complete strangers and over time they grew into best friends. It is a difficult road to take when you’re already good friends and want to venture into a relationship. So many things become involved that normally wouldn’t be questioned when entering this form of relationship. You often know so much more about the person and there are the risk of losing the friendship forever if things go south between the two of you.

It can be one of the most difficult decisions you may ever make. Then again, it could be one of the most beautiful relationships you could ever have.

How do you get to the next level?

My advice is after you step back and weigh the risk, be open to conversation about it. One of the worst feelings in the world is living with regret of your true feelings never being revealed. Like Garth Brooks says, and I quote, “ Tell that someone that you love, just what you’re thinking of, if tomorrow never comes.”

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Life With A Chronic Illness Made Easy

Life With A Chronic Illness Made Easy

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It’s easy living with a broken limb or a burst appendix because you can go straight to hospital and get treatment. You will only be in pain for a few months, and then you can get back on with your regular life.

 

But what if you found out that all that pain would stick around for the rest of your life? That is the reality that sufferers of chronic illnesses have to come to terms with.

 

A chronic illness is one that will never get better. Even though there are various medications that help patients live with these long-term illnesses, there is a limit to how much treatment they will be able to get. As you can tell, adjusting to life with a chronic illness can be very difficult for most people to come to terms with.

 

Thankfully, though, that isn’t any reason to despair, and there are various ways you can make life with a chronic condition easier to deal with. Here are just a few of them.

 

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Get Your Mental Health Checked Out

 

A chronic illness diagnosis can often trigger various mental health problems, such as bipolar depression. That’s because people often become very upset and frustrated over their diagnosis, and all of these negative feelings and emotions often manifest themselves into a mental health problem. For this reason, it is important that everyone who has a long-term illness gets their mental health checked out. Doctors and mental health specialists will be able to spot the first signs of certain problems and will be able to treat them as soon as possible. That way, there is little chance of them developing into a bigger problem.

 

Improve Your Knowledge

 

The best way you can figure out how to make your own life easier is by equipping yourself with as much knowledge about the disease as you can. Of course, the first place you should go to for more information is your local doctor’s surgery. Your family doctor or nurse will be able to tell you everything you need to know, such as what to expect from your condition and the different medication and treatments currently available. It is also worth looking for charities and organizations that help people with your condition. They will also have lots of literature that you can read, and they might even have meetups and online message boards where you can meet other people with the same condition.

 

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Change Your Lifestyle

 

Every illness can be improved by a healthier standard of living, especially chronic diseases. You will certainly feel the benefits if you try and switch to a healthy way of living. One of the first things you should do is ditch any unhealthy habits you may have, such as drinking and smoking. These might even be aggravating your condition. It is also a good idea to take a closer look at your diet and see if there are any improvements that can be made. For example, some types of food might cause some symptoms to worsen, so you will need to find out which ingredients affect you most and cut them out of your diet. Healthier eating habits will improve your overall health, which can help your body cope with the chronic condition far better than it would be able to if you stick to very unhealthy eating habits. So, it’s a good idea to ditch all the fatty foods and sugary treats no matter how good they may taste!

 

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Reach Out When You Need Help

 

It’s true that there will be difficult periods when you are living with a chronic medical condition; there is just no way you can escape from them. But at least you can be happy knowing that there are often more good days than bad days! However, you will certainly need a lot of help and support to get through the bad days. Because of this, it’s a good idea to get a support network to of close friends and relatives. These should be people who you can rely on to always be there for you when you need help. For instance, they might need to give you a lift to the hospital or you simply might someone to come around and listen to you when you have something on your mind. Don’t forget that your doctors and nurses should also be included in your support network as they are the ones who will know all about your medication and treatment.

 

Get To Grips With Medication

 

For many chronic illnesses, sufferers need to take a cocktail of drugs. These are often for pain relief, but they will also help to manage some other symptoms. If you find it hard to remember to take one tablet a day, how on earth are you going to manage when you need to take a lot of different ones?! The trick is good medication management. Having a chat with your doctor or nurse about the different medications and their purposes can help you put this all into context. This context will motivate you to keep on top of all the meds! If you still struggle, you might find it beneficial to start a medication diary in which you write down which tablets and pills you need on certain days.

 

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Consider End Of Life Arrangements

 

Sometimes, people often think about death when they are given a serious diagnosis. You might find that you also do when you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, even if it is not terminal. If this is the case, you might want to get started on your end of life arrangements, such as putting together a will and sorting out your estate. Doing it now will get it out of the way, and you won’t have to worry about things when you get very ill and are unable to see to things.

 

Living with a chronic medical condition is a very big deal indeed. But, hopefully, all of the tips in this blog post will help you lead a happy and comfortable life.

 

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

Moving In Together: The Post-Modern Dilemma

By Guest Blogger Stefan S.

Moving In Together: The Post-Modern Dilemma

 

Are you at the stage in your relationship where you hear maybe the most exciting or most dreaded words that can be heard in a relationship? Want to move in together? Is that the end of singledom? Or is it exciting for you to move in with the love of your life and start a new chapter in your relationship, together? Well you don’t have to look too far online to find both successful and disastrous versions of the ‘moving in together’ dilemma. Just look at Snapchat celebrities or celebs on Instagram and Twitter. They all chronicle their lives living with their partner, and many times it’s more of a farce than it is a real relationship.

 

For the regular person, who doesn’t have the benefits of celebrity, moving in together can be a huge step that might either scare them, or excite them, since that’s their long term goal. Many women want to move in and live with their serious boyfriends, to secure their place in that man’s life, and to possibly change that living situation into something more permanent, life marriage. On the other side of the battle of the sexes, men usually want to stay single and living the bachelor life as long as possible, so they can enjoy their time with their friends, and date as many women as they like, avoiding commitment and avoid settling down for as long as possible.

 

The Reality

 

But in actuality, the truth is quite different. Nowadays, it’s more women who want to avoid having to move in because they are so busy with their careers and building a life for themselves, that the last thing they want to worry about is having to be bound to another person, let alone a man that expects some babying. The modern woman sees being tied down also as a hindrance to her success and does not want to be obliged to  perform any of the sexist roles that were upheld by previous generations. She doesn’t want to come home and have to cook for someone or clean after another person when she too has spent all day at the office. Going to the gym, seeing friends, and doing the general chores around maintaining a home for a single person is time consuming enough, let alone adding another person into the mix, who might not contribute. That’s why even though Snapchat celebrities make living together look so glamorous, they have teams of maids and staff to take care of the details, the regular person does not.

 

The Necessity

 

Sometimes, moving in together happens only due to necessity. It’s because the modern life for singles in an urban setting is so busy. No one has the opportunity to really spend quality time together anymore. That’s the price we pay for living such an ultra modern lifestyle. Moving in together means you can spend more time together and see if being together will work in the future. Doing all the domestic stuff together instead of just dating and doing the romantic stuff, has changed the nature of dating and relationships. The courting process if basically extinct, and the getting to know each other actually happens in the raw, face to face, living the hum-drum everyday. But that’s the only way people can be together enough to know if they want to be married or involved with each other long term. So, yes moving in together might be scary or exciting as Snapchat celebrities make it out to be, but it’s not as surprising or as controversial as it used to be.

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feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

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Saying Goodbye To That Relationship And Starting Fresh

Saying Goodbye To That Relationship And Starting Fresh

Pexels

 

It’s always a tough time when you reach the end of a relationship. After all, you might have been with the person a number of years. And they probably have been the closest person to you. And if you are married, it can be even tougher as you have to go through a tricky divorce. But it’s important to remember there is a fresh start at the end of this difficult time. In fact, here is some help to ensure you can say goodbye to that relationship for good.

 

Put pictures away in a box

 

It’s always photos which can spark up memories of your life with your ex. In fact, you can just glance at a picture of the wedding, or even a photo of your first date, and it can send you back to the time. Therefore, to help you through to the other side, you need to remove all photos in your home of your other half. You might not want to throw them in the bin. After all, you can’t wipe the memories completely from your life. Therefore, get a box which you can fill with pictures of the past relationship. Putting them away can help you move on with your life. As for social media, it’s a good idea to delete photographs of you with your old partner. After all, it will ensure you get no reminders of the past relationship on your timeline. And you might want to unfriend them. That way, it will stop you becoming a regular stalker on their profile!

 

Get rid of any permanent reminders

 

While you might be able to put old photos away in a box, it can be harder when it comes to more permanent reminders. For example, you might still be wearing your wedding ring on your finger. But if you keep seeing it when you are going about your day, it’s going to make it tricky to say goodbye to your relationship. Therefore, take the ring off as soon as possible and put it away in the drawer. Also, if you have any tattoos of your partner’s name, it’s now time to get rid of it. After all, you don’t want this permanent reminder of your ex on your skin. In fact, you might want to book in for tattoo removal to ensure it’s a distant memory. And with these permanent reminders gone, you can move on with your life.

 

Look into moving place

 

You might have spent the last few years living with your other half. But now you have split, your partner might be letting you stay in the humble abode. But it’s always a good idea to start somewhere new if you want to say goodbye to the relationship for good. After all, there will be a ton of memories you will have shared together in the place. And it will always feel like the home of the two of you. Therefore, give your notice to the landlord or sell up to ensure you can find somewhere new to start again.

 

And remember to have a final chat with your ex. So many couples leave things unsaid. But to ensure you can move on, it’s time to have a chat with your other half to ensure you say everything you want to!

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What Should I Do If My Siblings Contest The Will?

What Should I Do If My Siblings Contest The Will?

The death of a loved one is a troubling time for everybody involved. The dividing up of the possessions can often be one of the hardest parts because it feels like a final end to that person’s life. You’re left with a big box of reminders that make you think about that person every time you look inside and that’s if everything goes smoothly. If there are any complications then the whole process could get a lot worse than it already is. While it might not seem like a time for sibling rivalry, it is fairly common for people to contest the will of the deceased if they think it’s unfair. It’s a horrible situation to find yourself in and it’s not going to be easy to deal with, but if somebody decides to contest the will, you’ll have no choice but to deal with it. Keep these things in mind if you want to make it as pain-free as possible.

 

29528663594_e64a3dc347_zImage From Flickr

 

Be Civil

 

You’re likely to be feeling a lot of strong emotions during this period and that will be made a lot worse by somebody throwing a spanner in the works like this. The natural reaction is likely to be anger, but this won’t help anybody, it will only fuel the flames and make things ugly. You need to keep a handle on your sibling rivalry. While you’re going through the process of dealing with any contentions to the will, keep any discussions about it confined to official proceedings and don’t have any contact with your siblings outside of that until all of the decisions have been made.

 

Challenge Their Challenge

 

Challenging a will isn’t something that you can do easily. It’s a legally binding document that holds up in most cases. You can’t contest it because you think that your siblings have got more than you and it isn’t fair. It is up to the deceased to decide how the assets are split up and that decision is final. If your sibling does have a legitimate reason to challenge the will, get yourself representation from somewhere like Nussbaum Family Lawyers and defend against their challenge. There are only four main reasons that a will can be contested; the first reason is to do with the witnesses to the will signing. If there were not the requisite two witnesses present, it can be challenged as it is technically invalid. The second reason, and one of the most common reasons that a will is challenged, is the mental capacity of the deceased at the time of signing. If that person was not considered to be in a completely fit state of mind when they signed the will, then the decisions that they made can be brought into question. The same sort of challenge can be made if the person was under the influence of alcohol or drugs when they signed. The last reason is if the will was signed as a result of fraud, for example, if the person signed it believing it was another document.

 

Avoid It Altogether

 

People often try to challenge a will based on a specific item or something similar. Children that have cared for their parents often feel that they are entitled to more than the rest of the family. If there is one particular issue that is causing all of the disputes, why not discuss it with your sibling before you get any lawyers involved and see if there is anything that you can work out. This will save you a lot of time and money in the long run and can help you avoid any bad feeling between you and your family.

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Designing Your Home For Both Style And Comfort

Designing Your Home For Both Style And Comfort

When you first buy a house, the idea of filling it with things can easily seem overwhelming. Going through the process of getting a mortgage and purchasing the property can be difficult enough, let alone the task of finding all of the perfect things to make it your own. However, the utility of a house is directly proportional to the value of the things that occupy it. While a bare room will do a pretty good job of keeping you warm and protecting you from the elements, it is still a long way from being habitable in the modern sense of the word. The task of organizing your house becomes more difficult when you start to think that there are so many different rooms. There is the living room, which will need to be comfortable as well as conducive to hosting guests. There is then the dining room which necessitates that you have a table and chairs. If you are planning your home around a family, you will also need to think about items specific to a baby or small child like a high chair. It is also important to make sure that this room is easily cleaned. A carpet may not be a good choice since it is so much harder to clean when food and drinks are inevitably spilled. The kitchen is another crucial part of your house, especially if you spend a lot of time cooking because you enjoy it. Designing it in such a way that it suits your needs and your style is obviously important. There is then the bathroom as well as several bedrooms.

 

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What makes this task outright intimidating is that many homes, at least the ones that are well designed, will have a cohesive, consistent style. A home should have homeostasis, which means each part should compliment the others and produce an amenable and livable equilibrium. This is why it is difficult to decorate a room in isolation because how you choose to style it will always be informed by the style of the rooms around it. Designing a house from scratch, therefore, requires a great deal of preparation and thought. You may be tempted to make a start right away so that you can feel as if you are making some progress. You can only truly relax once it is all done, after all. However, this is not a good idea because you may design one room and then find that it simply clashes too much with your plans with everywhere else. You could easily paint yourself into a corner in so far as you will be designing the other rooms in response to the first one. A holistic approach is best.

 

However, there are some things that you just have to have if your home is going to be comfortable and stylish. Here are a few things that you should spend lots of time thinking about. Smart investments are the best investments.

 

This is never more true than when it comes to your mattress. It is estimated that people spend about a third of their life in their bed. Since it is so important, you need to get one that suits how you sleep and the form of your body. Mattresses may seem as if they are all pretty much alike but this is a common misconception. When choosing one, you should consult expert advice from a company like Plumeria Bay. They know everything there is to know and will help you get something that is right for you. That may be a firmer mattress that offers more support if that is what your body needs, or something softer and more indulgent if that is what you prefer. It is so crucial because making a mistake could lead to unpleasant and entirely avoidable back pain.

 

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One of the things that a lot of people neglect when they start thinking about designing their home is the fact that they have a garden. If you want to make your garden more of a feature, you could incorporate it by investing in a conservatory. Otherwise, large windows that let in a lot of light and allow you a view of your garden are good because they make it a bigger part of your home and give the room a different feel. Besides, in the summer months when the weather cooperates and if you have a patio heater, your garden can easily become like another room. Making it work involves thinking about your garden and your home as if they are two things that inform each other. If you see them as two separate entities, you will not make the best use of either of them.

 

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The Psychological Impact of Aging on Couples

The Psychological Impact of Aging on Couples

Aging is an inevitability of life and one that few people look forward to. It is also a significant concern, particularly for couples. Growing old is unpredictable, with people deteriorating at different rates, and requiring other forms of care. For those who are becoming older and are no longer capable of being 100% independent, assisted living facilities (ALFs) are available. Here, they can maintain their independence to a degree, while having medical and caring support on site available at the same time.

 

pexels-photo-339620Image from Pexels

 

The Psychological Impact of Aging

 

Aging is a life transition, and all the big life changes come with significant psychological issues. When people age, they often start to experience a fear of the future. They worry about how long they have left, whether their memory will deteriorate, whether they can continue to have an active social life and play a role in the lives of their children and grandchildren. Additionally, as people age, they are more likely to experience grief as others around them start to pass away. It is also more common for them to experience ageism and discrimination, making them feel as if they are losing their independence.

 

These are all very significant issues that must be addressed properly. This is also because the psychological effects of aging have a direct impact on physical health as well. In fact, this is something specifically discussed by the American Psychological Association, who have released some statistics to demonstrate the link between psychological and physical well-being in the elderly. Specifically, they found that:

 

  • 50% to 70% of all visits to primary care physicians by the elderly are about stress, depression, or anxiety.
  • Older people who have significant or chronic health conditions are more likely to also suffer from depression. Furthermore, untreated mental health conditions often lead to poorer outcomes in physical health conditions, as people with conditions like depression tend to have a weaker immune system as well.
  • Depression is one of the leading causes of disability according to the World Health Organization.
  • Aging individuals who have their mental health needs addressed require less other forms of medical care as well.

 

The Psychological Impact of Moving into Assisted Living

 

pexels-photo-41073Image Credit

 

Assisted living has been shown to be very effective, offering a viable alternative to hospitalization or nursing homes. At the same time, the psychological impact of making this move is undeniable and must be understood. Some of the key stressors include:

 

  • Moving stress, caused by having to pack belongings and getting everything done on time.
  • A sense of loss and grief, caused by having to say goodbye to something for a final time, knowing that they will never return.
  • Fear of the unknown, having to move to an unfamiliar place.

 

Put together, these factors can cause “relocation stress”, which can lead to depression, difficulty sleeping, and other health problems. While all of this is properly understood, and a lot of help is out there for young people helping their mother and father into assisted living, as well as for seniors to help them transition, a key factor that is often not addressed is what needs to happen if the move relates to a couple.

 

It is undeniable that moving into an ALF has tremendous benefits for the person who needs it. In fact, various studies, including one posted in The Journals of Gerontology, have demonstrated that those in these facilities have an increased quality of life, better health, and more social cohesion and engagement. However, what happens when one person requires assisted living, but the other person does not?

 

What to Look for in a Facility that Caters to Couples

 

As you can see from the above, it is hard to age, and even harder to admit that more help is needed. This applies in particular to couples, where one person may have significant health needs, whereas the other does not. There are two added difficulties in this. Firstly, it means one person has to move when they are not ready for it yet and, secondly, that they often feel they have failed in properly looking after their partner. If this is happening to your parents, do try to reassure them that, in fact, making the decision to move to an ALF is the best that they can do to look after each other. Do also reassure them about the fact that there are plenty of facilities available that cater specifically to couples.

 

Finding Assisted Living Facilities

 

If you are at the point that your parents agree that they should move to an ALF, even if it is because only one of them needs more intensive care, there are five essential tips that you should follow to make this huge transition as comfortable as possible:

 

old-people-couple-together-connectedPhoto Credit

 

  1. Make sure you spend lots of time researching the options that are available to them.

 

If you have elderly parents, and you feel that it is time to find assisted living for them, then it is important that you do so in an inclusive, respectful manner that is mindful of the psychological issues discussed above. Spend time together to look in your area for what is available, giving your parents a choice. It is important that they understand that you are not aiming to take away their independence, nor that you feel they have become a burden on you. Rather, finding assisted living is an opportunity for them to enjoy the highest possible quality of life. Where they want to do this is a decision that they should be 100% involved in.

 

  1. Work on your finances.

 

Moving home is stressful, whether it is the first time you leave home as a young person, or whether you are elderly. The last thing you need at that point is to have increased levels of stress because of finances. It is unlikely that Medicare will cover the full cost of an ALF, although they may provide coverage for some of the care that your parents receive there. If you parents have other health insurance, you will need to look into the coverage they offer as well.

 

  1. Talk about the available space.

 

When in assisted living, your parents will have a space of their own. What that space looks like varies, although it is common to have a private bathroom, bedroom, and living area. Although they will have all this space, it is unlikely that it will be as big as their current home. This means that some difficult decisions will have to be made regarding which pieces of furniture can come, and which have to be said goodbye to.

 

  1. Consider your parents’ social needs.

 

One key factor of importance when helping to find an ALF is that your parents will have high social engagement. In fact, the Journal of Applied Gerontology has written a report on how proper social engagement increases overall mental well-being in the elderly, which in turn improves physical well-being as well. The study focused specifically on activity theory, looking at its impact on depressive symptoms and on life satisfaction. What the study showed was that friendliness of fellow residents and of the staff in the facility was crucial to improving life satisfaction. It also showed that simple things, such as having enjoyable mealtimes, helped to lower the depressive symptoms. What this suggests is that assisted living facilities in which residents are encouraged to interact with one another are likely to be the better ones. This is certainly something that you can discuss with your parents while helping them look for a facility.

 

  1. Prepare yourself for future health needs.

 

Unfortunately, as people age, their health deteriorates, and you must prepare yourself for this. If only one parent required assisted living care, then you have to ready yourself for them needing more intensive care later on in life. The parent that perhaps did not yet need this type of care will get to a point where their health starts to be affected as well. It is best to discuss this to a degree with your parents, concerning building an understanding what their wishes are. But other than that, this is something you will have to prepare yourself for in person.

 

Aging is one of the greatest tragedies of life. It is a tough time, one in which people start to understand that they are nearing the end. They often feel like they have become a burden on others and this has a significant impact on their overall mental health and well-being. You, as their child, can help mitigate that to some degree by encouraging your parents to agree to move into an ALF, even if only one of the two actually needs it. Show your parents that there is no shame in asking for help but rather that it is a sign of strength. It means that they want to continue to enjoy their life, but in a way in which they receive support, safe, and comfortable. Last but not least, remember to visit them often, you are part of their social lifeline!

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Quitting Smoking: Where You Are Going Wrong

Quitting Smoking: Where You Are Going Wrong

Have you tried to quit smoking countless times, but you just can’t seem to give it up once and for all? Many people find themselves in this position, and they simply say that they ‘can’t stop smoking.’ This isn’t the case. Everyone can give up nicotine, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy. How you go about it makes a massive difference. With that in mind, read on to discover where you may have been going wrong those numerous times before.

 

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  • You fell off the wagon when your friends were smoking – This is one of the main reasons why people struggle to quit smoking. If most of your friends smoke, it can be very difficult to resist temptation when you are out with them. If this sounds familiar, it is a good idea to speak to your friends. Tell them that you are giving up smoking and that it is really important to you. By doing this, they won’t offer you a cigarette, and if you are tempted, they will tell you not to have one.
  • You try to give everything up in one go – While this is admirable, it is incredibly difficult. A lot of people simply say “I’m going to completely give up cigarettes from Monday,” and then they intend to cut smoking from their life altogether on that date. You are only making life tougher for yourself. Instead, gradually wean yourself off cigarettes, and make sure that you have something to help you in the beginning, such as a vaporiser or nicotine patches. Vaping has become incredibly popular over the past few years, as it allows people to enjoy ‘smoking’ without the negative health effects that come with it. You can find more from Vaporescence here if you are interested in using this as a way to come off nicotine.
  • You are worried about putting weight on – A lot of people worry that they are going to pile the pounds on when they quit smoking. This is because most people turn to a cigarette when they would usually eat. Also, nicotine is a stimulant and an appetite suppressant, which can mean that people often turn to sugary treats and other snacks instead of smoking. The best thing to do is change your lifestyle completely. You can find more information about that here. This may sound like you are giving yourself a bigger challenge, but it will actually make the whole process much easier. Exercise more, quit the cigarettes, follow a balanced diet, and you will feel amazing.

 

  • You only deal with your physical dependence on nicotine – Vaping or chewing gum is helpful, but it only deals with your physical dependence on nicotine. You need to consider your mental dependence on nicotine too. The emotional benefit you get from smoking also needs to be addressed. Most people smoke when they need a mental break or they feel anxious. So think about the triggers that make you smoke, and look for other ways to address the way you are feeling instead of going for a cigarette.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

Dealing with a Difficult Ex

Dealing with a Difficult Ex

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Dealing with a difficult ex after a breakup can be really tough, especially if they harbor negative feelings towards you, and especially if you have kids to think about and you can’t just sever all contact with your ex-spouse. Although it won’t be easy, here are some tips for dealing with a difficult ex that might help you to get through it a bit more easily:

 

Say No to Negative Intimacy

 

Negative intimacy is the term used to describe the process that many ex-couples go through whereby one or both of them try to punch each other’s buttons in the hope of getting a reaction. If your ex tries to make you mad, the best thing you can do is to not react at all. Stay calm and don’t give them what they want and it won’t be long before they get the message and give up on trying to make you angry.

 

Treat Them Impersonally

 

It’s always nice to have a good relationship with your exes, especially if they are parents to any of your children, but when you’re dealing with a difficult ex, who’s behaving badly towards you or even trying to cause you harm, it’s best to be as impersonal in any interactions you must have as possible. That way, you’re less likely to get into arguments or give them, in their mind, the wrong idea about the future of your relationship.

 

Keep the Children Out of It

 

Depending on how crazy your ex is, it might not always be possible, but nevertheless, you should strive to keep the kids out of your issues with your spouse. You should refrain from speaking negatively about your ex in front of them, and you should never make them the go-between in your relationship with your ex-spouse. After all, no child wants to have to choose between parents or have to hear negative things about them. Obviously, if you think your ex’s behavior could put your kids in danger, that’s a different matter, and they may have to be told about certain things to keep them safe.

 

Think About Yourself, Not Your Ex

 

When your ex is being difficult, playing mind games with you and generally trying to make your life tougher than it should be, it can be tempting to spend all of your time and energy fighting him or her, talking to your friends about him and allowing her to take over your every waking thought. This isn’t going to do anything but stress you out, make you more anxious and stop you from living your life. So, instead of putting the focus on your ex, put it firmly on yourself and your kids. Have fun together, take the time to relax and as far as possible, block your ex from your thoughts. You won’t be able to do it all the time, but the more you shift your focus, the better you will feel.

 

Hire an Attorney

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If things start to go too far and your ex begins harassing you to the point that you fear for your safety, hiring a good attorney who knows how to get a restraining order fast is a serious possibility. You should not have to worry about your own safety ever, and there are things you can do to keep you and your kids safe, should it come to that.

 

Cut Communication Completely

 

When things get to the point that you’re considering legal action, it’s probably smart to cut all contact with your ex. Block his number from your phone, avoid going to places you know he’ll be and if he does get in touch with you, simply ignore him.

 

Let Other People in Your Life Know

 

If the situation turns abusive and you get to the point where you need to protect yourself, you should definitely let the other people in your life, who need to know about it, know what’s going on. People at your work, the teachers at your kids’ schools and your immediate family, will need to be on alert for any unusual behavior from your ex so that if he or she tries to do something harmful to you or the kids, they can be stopped before they ever get the chance.

 

See a Therapist

 

If dealing with a difficult ex is really taking its toll on you for your own sake, you might want to consider enrolling in therapy, where you can vent your frustrations and learn coping mechanisms to help you through. You might think it’s actually your ex who needs therapy, but you can only look after yourself!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

Why Asking For Help Isn’t A Bad Thing

Why Asking For Help Isn’t A Bad Thing

 

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It’s a big step, asking for help. There are so many of us who never ask for it for fear of being perceived as “weak,” and you would think that the message has been communicated for so long that asking for help or advice is okay now. And it always was, but why is it such an issue for a lot of us? We all end up being consumed with worry over the tiniest thing sometimes, but the big issues we tend to brush over and adopt the stiff upper lip method of carrying on. What are the reasons we tend to avoid asking for help when we are in completely dire situations?

Well, the main thing is that, apart from the perception of being weak, it’s actually the fact that you feel that you are letting yourself down in some way. Even if you know you have a problem, such as an addiction, the fact that you are admitting there is something wrong is communicating the realization that you are weak; and it’s official now that it’s out there. Pride, ego, or sheer self-centeredness are the things that stop us from asking for help. And we can very easily fear asking for help, but unfortunately, it’s something that we are unable to do by ourselves. But what does asking for help accomplish, and what can you do to make it an easier transition to recovery?

Courage

While we all perceive asking for help as a sheer and utter weakness, it’s actually the opposite. It’s your pride and inability to ask for help that makes you weak, and in standing alone to deal with your problems, you might think that it’s easier for you. But if you looked at the impact it has on people you love, that is usually the reason a lot of addicts reach out for help. This is the biggest step in recovering, but it’s also the hardest, and you are showing a lot of courage by asking for help.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

This is the key when asking for help. If you haven’t been honest up to this point, that when you do finally ask for the help you realize you need, it’s time to come clean. Deception, no matter how big or small, doesn’t inspire trust, and it’s the time for a clean slate. The other side of the honesty coin is acceptance. It’s never easy to sit with your faults and accept that you have been dishonest because if it was so easy to be honest, we’d all do it right away to get the help we need without damaging our pride or ego. But the real fact is that when we face up to everything with an honest outlook, only then can we, and our loved ones, move on.

Do You Think You’re A Burden?

When people ask for help, the concern is that they may have put loved ones through enough. It’s common to feel like you’re dead weight, and you’re just a burden to them and nothing more. The fact is, you’re not. Family members won’t help you because they feel it makes life easier for them, it’s because they care about you! When you ask for help it means you are ready to take on board the advice and support of professionals. Whatever addiction you have, you will always have the support of professionals on hand once you’ve reached out. There are organizations like The Recovery Village that are purpose-built to help you not just “dry out,” but to enable you to build a new life that is healthy and happy, independent of the trappings of addiction. Asking for help is all about reaching into yourself for that notion of strength you didn’t realize you had.

You Shouldn’t Feel Embarrassed

Asking for help, regardless of the situation, leaves us in a vulnerable position, and as a result, we can feel very embarrassed when we finally ask for help. But if you decide to open up to your loved ones after toying with the idea, it’s very likely that they’ve already noticed. So don’t feel nervous. Or if they haven’t noticed, they will still want to help you because they care! We all show that we care in different ways, and if they are showing willing to do everything they can to help, then it’s apparent that they care, and it’s important to not be nervous about approaching the subject. They want you to be well and happy above everything else, so asking for help, as difficult as it may be, will lead you towards the best outcome for you.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram