Tag Archives: divorcing 101

The Unexpected Shock of Divorce: How to Cope

The Unexpected Shock of Divorce: How to Cope

Divorce is one of the most stressful things you can experience in life. But the fact remains that that divorce rates continue to rise, as they have been doing for quite some time now. It’s not the kind of thing that you can prepare for, and it can arrive in a variety of ways and for a variety of reasons. But finding ways that help you cope with the whole process is really important. There are negative ways and positive ways to go through a divorce.

No One Expects Divorce, But it Happens

Most people get married and expect to live happily ever after. This is what’s in their mind, but how the reality plays out is rarely the same. I don’t want to be unromantic here because many marriages do work out happily and the two people stay together for the rest of their lives. But for many people, it falls apart much sooner than that. And they didn’t expect that, just as you probably didn’t expect to be getting divorced.

It’s important to realise that these things happen, though. Sometimes, people just drift apart, and they just become incompatible, even if they used to be compatible. There is often little sense in persevering with a marriage that’s dead because it probably won’t come back to life anytime soon. It’s not necessarily even anyone’s fault; it just happens.

Remain Practical, Even When Emotions Run High

Emotions do often get the better of people when they’re going through divorce proceedings. There is often a desire to get the better deal and take revenge on the other person. This might seem rational at the time, but in reality is mostly childish stupidity. And divorces are much easier to cope with when both people act like reasonable adults and work to make things as pleasant and easy as possible.

This means you probably shouldn’t try to go through the process without hiring a lawyer. Many people think that this will actually help they to avoid conflict. In fact, the opposite is true. Most of the time, divorce lawyers can balance out personal conflicts and keep things strictly factual and logical. They are not weighed down by the emotions you two both feel.

divorce-619195_960_720Image Source

Move on and Experience New Things as Quickly as You Can

If you want to cope well with divorce, once the proceedings are over with and you no longer want to be associated with your former partner, you should just move on. If you spend too long dwelling on what happened and what went wrong, it will just weigh you down and make your life a misery. No one wants to go through that.

You should try to change your life and do the things that you have never done before. This can provide you with a sense of freedom that you never had before. You can meet new people, try new things and spend money on stuff your ex would never have wanted you to spend money on. This period of moving on and breaking free is one of the most important.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

I Want To Break Up: Five Soul Destroying Words 

I Want To Break Up: Five Soul Destroying Words

The person that you love the most in this world has just uttered five of the most soul-destroying words that you will ever here: ‘I want to break up’. Maybe you knew this was coming; perhaps things haven’t been right for a while now? Or maybe you have had no idea that your partner was unhappy and are in complete and utter shock? Either way, hearing those five little words is never easy, especially when you have put your heart and soul into your relationship, only to have it crumble around you.

pexels-photo-14303Photo from Pexels

Knowing what to do when the love of your life tells you that it’s over is difficult. Whether you were expecting it or not, it doesn’t make dealing with a breakup any easier. A lot of women struggle to know what to do and what steps to take when their partner wants to break up. Although it’s going to be hard no matter what you do, you need to get to grips with what is happening and start putting yourself and your children (if you have any) first.

To get through your breakup and get your life back on track, here’s what you need to do:

Talk to your ex-partner

The first step in any break up is talking to your ex-partner. Whether that is face to face or over the phone, it doesn’t matter. What you need to do is talk things through, this will allow you both to get some closure and will help to make organizing your separate lives easier. If you have children or pets that you share custody of, this is even more important. Try to discuss the important things like who will live where, when will the children see each parent, and things like that. If you can settle these things amicably, it will make the divorce process easier for everyone.

Find a lawyer

Regardless of whether you want to make your divorce an amicable one, it’s a good idea to have a lawyer on hand. As that way, you have someone to explain each part of the divorce process to you, and also have someone to discuss any concerns that you have with, such as the custody arrangements for the kids. Your best bet is to hire a divorce specialist to help with your case so that you know you are in the best hands. If money is tight, you may be able to get appointed a free lawyer, depending on your financial circumstances, that is.

Spend time with your nearest and dearest

Marital breakups are hard, which is why spending more time with your nearest and dearest is so important. You might think that you are coping with the break up on your own, but it’s always good to have a support system in place to lean on. Just in case you find yourself struggling a little bit with everything that’s going on.

Breaking up is never easy, especially when you are married to your partner. However, what it’s important to understand is that sometimes it’s for the best. It might be hard at first, but in time you will most probably be happier and more content for it, it just takes time to adjust, that’s all.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

Divorce Isn’t Your Only Option!

Divorce Isn’t Your Only Option!

When your relationship hits a bump in the road, it’s easy to think that there is no moving forward. And you might believe that there is no other option than calling a divorce lawyer. But it might not be the end of the relationship. In fact, there are ways you might be able to work through your issues and come out stronger the other side. Therefore, here are some other options you should consider first before going down the divorce route.

Talk about your problems

A lot of couples close up when they are having troubles in their relationship. Rather than talking to each other about their concerns, they tend to bottle it up and push each other away. But if you don’t talk to each other, it won’t allow you to move on from your problems. And the emotions you are feeling will build up, and you will grow to hate your partner. Therefore, if you want to work on the relationship, it’s time to open up to one another. Clear the house so that it’s just you and your partner. And then sit down next to each other and allow each other to talk about how you feel. Once you have everything out in the open, you can hopefully concentrate on the present and move on with the relationship.

Have a trial separation

Rather than rushing to a divorce lawyer, the first thing you and your partner should do is have a trial separation. After all, a lot of couples find that a separation does them both the world of good. In fact, it can show them both how much they love the other person. And as well as this, a separation of at least 12 months is often needed before any lawyer like Gillard Family Lawyers can start the divorce proceedings. Therefore, give each other some space to work through your issues. You or your partner might want to leave the family home for a period to ensure you live separate lives. Or you might want to stay under the same roof, but live as if you were both unmarried. Having some time apart can help you to see clearly what the next step is for your relationship!

Look into relationship counseling

Some problems between you and your partner require some outside help. After all, you might find that you just argue about the issue if you sit down just the two of you. But this is not helping you to address the problem and potentially move on. Therefore, if you want to save the relationship, you should consider attending relationship counseling. It’s a great way to express what you want to say in a safe environment. And the counselor will work with you both to ensure you both get a chance to have your say. For some people, counseling can often help them to move forward with their relationship. Or it can show them that the relationship can not be salvaged and that you should both move on!

And sometimes it’s worth going back to resolve current problems. Reminiscing about how you met and going on your first date can help you start over with your other half. Therefore, don’t be afraid to spend some time in the past to move forward!

couple-168191_960_720 Pixabay

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram

Divorced? Here’s What You Need To Do Now

Divorced? Here’s What You Need To Do Now

Making the decision to get a divorce is never an easy one, particularly if there are children involved. You might have been trying to make it work for months or even years but to no avail. If both you and your partner are severely unhappy in your marriage, a divorce can be the best solution for everyone. But once you’ve come to an agreement, it can be difficult to know what to do next. Even though it’s the right thing to do, it can still be an emotional and overwhelming experience. So if you’ve just decided to get divorced and are unsure what to do now, follow these simple steps.

brothers-457234_960_720Image via Pixabay

Talk about child custody

This is likely to be the most difficult conversation you will ever have. But it’s also the most important. You and your partner need to decide how you intend to continue providing care, time and support for your children. Consider how you can equally spend time with them, particularly over holidays, birthdays and weekends. Be realistic and always focus on your kid’s best interests.

In addition to this, you should also discuss how you want to break the news of your divorce to your children. Talking about this beforehand gives you time to prepare for their reactions. If you find it difficult to come to an agreement, get in touch with Gillespie, Shields, Durrant & Goldfarb or another family law firm.

Check your finances

Running a house will be different now you only have one source of income. You might have to survive on less and stretch your money further each week. The cost of getting a divorce can also be notoriously expensive. So one of the most important things you need to do is check your finances. Visit your bank and talk to your financial advisor about your current situation. They may be able to suggest ways in which you can save more money each month. This is also the perfect opportunity for you to set up a new bank account. If you think you might struggle, you should also start looking for additional employment. Download LinkedIn and other free job search apps to get started.

rock-island-123406_960_720Image via Pixabay

Decide where you will live

Another vital discussion you need to have with your partner is where you will both live. One of you might want to stay in the same property whereas the other might want to move out. Or perhaps both of you want to move out and sell your old home. Remember to consider your kids before making a final decision. If you do decide to sell, work out a fair way to divide the money equally. This is an agreement you should have witnessed by an attorney, as your property is likely to be the most expensive asset you have. This will ensure that when it is sold, no foul play will occur.

By following these simple steps, you increase your chances of having a more honest and amicable divorce. This can benefit not only you but your children as well. If you’re still finding it difficult to come to terms with your divorce, talk to a divorce counselor or your doctor.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.

Tips for Not Making Mistakes During Divorce. By Guest Blogger, Marie N.

By Guest Blogger, Marie N.

Tips for Not Making Mistakes During Divorce

 

Photo provided by guest blogger, Marie N.
Photo provided by guest blogger, Marie N.

Going through a divorce can be a real emotional roundhouse, especially when there’s no prenup. It’s difficult to think clearly during this period, so you can easily make some wrong decisions. There’s also a lot of anger involved that can translate into words and deeds, which can make your divorce costlier and lengthier. You can also just as easily forget to do something when filing for a divorce that can later make the whole process very frustrating. Here are a couple of tips that will help you avoid mistakes like these during your divorce.

Don’t Fail to Make Your Kids a Priority

Some parents want peace so badly that they start drifting away from their kids once they start going through a divorce. Keeping the peace is a good thing to do but that does not mean you or your ex-spouse should stay away from your kids. You should both respect each other’s time with the kids and never fight around them. They need stability and both parents in their lives. Still, time spent isn’t the only determining factor, but the quality of that time is. Talk to your former spouse and try to come up with an arrangement that is going to suit both of you as well as the kids.

Don’t Overextend Yourself Financially

Your divorce is going to change the way you live completely. That why you’ll have to make some adjustments and try to adapt. One of the things that is going to change quite a lot are your finances. Two households are obviously more difficult to maintain than one, so some changes will have to be made. Because of this, experts recommend going through your finances before you file for divorce, and try to make a plan for the future. These experts are also there to help their clients who want to file for divorce in California with pre-divorce budgeting and planning process.

Don’t Forget What You Owe

When going through a divorce it’s also important to know exactly how much you owe. Promising “to have and to hold” can actually bounce back and bite you. There are some states in the USA where you’ll be responsible for half of your spouse’s debt, even in the case the debt isn’t in your name. Experts in those states advise their clients to get a full credit report so there are no surprises. In other states, you won’t be held responsible for such a debt but you’ll still be liable for any loans or jointly held credit cards. So, depending of the state you live in, you’ll be held responsible for different things.

Don’t Hold onto Properties

Photo provided by guest blogger, Marie N.
Photo provided by guest blogger, Marie N.

Depending on how many properties you and your spouse have, you’ll have to divide them properly once the divorce starts. It’s important to have the whole family in mind and try to come up with a solution that suits everybody the best. If you manage to do so, you can file for an uncontested divorce and make the whole situation easier for everyone. Even in that case you should get all the necessary help. For example if you live in Portland, there are experts who can advise you if you want to file for an uncontested divorce in Oregon. If you end up with a family house, think hard about keeping it because of the maintenance and taxes.

Divorces can be really devastating but if you plan carefully and avoid some common mistakes, you can save yourself a lot of trouble. Once the divorce is through, you can finally focus on moving on with your life.

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
feeling good, from the inside out. If you’ve got a problem or a tip email me! Be sure to Like and share on Facebook or Follow on Twitter or Instagram.