Tag Archives: Dealing with divorce

Should You Stay, Or Should You Go?

By, Tia Cristy

Should You Stay, Or Should You Go?

Sadly, divorce has become a way of life for 50% of the married population today. It’s not something folks set out to do when they first exchange their wedding vows, but time can be cruel to relationships. Nevertheless, on the upside, time also has the power to heal all wounds.

Marriage has lost its shine

Just like anything in this world, if you don’t care for it, it will lose its luster. Take a silver tray for example. At first, it’s beautiful. Perfect. But after use, it can get dull and dirty. You have to clean it and polish it. It takes a bunch of effort to keep it shiny. As time marches on, even with the shine it has noticeable wear. You might not realize it at the time, but that’s part of its charm. However, you see it as aged. It’s no longer perfection. So, you put it in a cupboard. You know it’s still there, but you don’t use it. Next time you see it, it’s completely tarnished. It looks hopeless. Here’s the thing, it’s not ruined. With a little extra elbow grease, you can polish it back to gleaming. The point of this analogy… Some marriages just need a bit of elbow grease.

When’s enough, enough?

When is enough, enough? Some couples have an easy answer for that… never. But ‘never’ isn’t the choice for everyone. So when is it time to leave a marriage? Honestly, I think only couples can figure that out on their own, especially when there are kids and assets to consider. The best advice I can give on contemplating divorce is if you tried everything to make it work and it still doesn’t… Ask yourself this before making that huge decision, ‘Did I do everything I could to try and make this marriage work?’ and then answer this, ‘If I choose to walk away from this marriage, can I leave without regretting my choice?’ Some situations are much trickier when it comes to domestic violence. If that is the case, remember, there are people out there that can help.

When it’s over

Just like a death, divorce has its own period of mourning. This is common. It’s true, there are many scary roads ahead. But if the high divorce rate has taught us anything, it taught us, this too shall pass. And yes, time certainly does have a way of healing. People of divorce find they have a quicker healing process when they leave behind bitterness. It may be hard to forget the bad times, but it’s best to forgive, if only for the sole purpose of healing. Here’s a coping with divorce guide that will help you each step along the way to starting over.

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3 Ways To Handle Divorce In The Right Way

3 Ways To Handle Divorce In The Right Way

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No one ever expects a divorce to happen, but the reality of life is that they often do occur. They can be very hard or easy affairs depending upon your situation but they are often difficult so don’t have your hopes up for an easy ride with it. People usually get on the bad side of divorce, and whilst there isn’t a good one, there are some things you can do to make it as painless as possible.

Give Yourself Time To Decompress

This is a very important part of a divorce, and so too it is for any other big, arguably traumatic event. Decompression is the time it takes for you to fully realize everything that is going on, to explore your feelings and know where you stand with everyone who is involved, as well as yourself. It’s very important that you allow yourself time to do this because it lets you get out, and then figure out, all of the negative emotions that will be hiding away. If it’s a particularly troubled divorce then you may find yourself wanting a divorce therapist that can you can visit and talk to in order to make you feel okay again.

Make Sure You’re Legally Covered

If you have anything that is in both you and your partner’s names you need to be legally covered. When a divorce occurs, the right for who get’s what is the game that is played, so you need to have a good legal plan for when the court cases come around. This can be for children if you have them and for all of the items that belong to you both, which makes getting a divorce quite a difficult process. You could get items or child custody wrongly taken off you, so to avoid this you have to be legally covered.

Ensure Everyone Knows What Is Going On

It can be easy to shut yourself away and not tell anyone you know about what is going on, but the truth is that a problem shared is a problem halved so it’s good to tell people what is going on. Not only will it make it easier for you, people need to know what is going on in your life in order to keep up with you and help you if needs be. Any children you have will need to know too as it will affect them the most. Be realistic with them but also not harsh as to not upset them too much. You cannot avoid your kids being upset when this happens, but if they are well informed and looked after properly then the blow dealt will be much less painful.

It is advisable that you do all of these things if you are going through a divorce. They are difficult times and are never, ever easy so expect the worse with them and you’ll be surprised when it doesn’t come to it! Deciding whether or not you need a divorce can be a difficult thing as it’s a very intricate and intimate situation, so read this if you think you’re coming to a crossroads within your relationship.

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Damage Limitation Legal Advice For Men Going Through Separation

Damage Limitation Legal Advice For Men Going Through Separation

Some relationships don’t work out, but that’s just human nature because our lives are complicated and personalities change over time. Men are starting to realise that they don’t need to accept some kind of social pressure that has previously made them feel as if they’re the guilty party, by default. Upon their partner’s separation request being legally filed, men have taken more of an active role, to know what their rights are and what the best practical tips are for coping with this challenging circumstance. In the courts, you need to commit to an actual dialogue with your soon to be ex-partner and with her lawyer, to get a rounded understanding of the specific demands put forth. No matter how many separation cases a court has gone through, every single case is treated individually, so there’s no end-all-be-all advice on how to handle a particular situation. However there are some basic steps, men can take to better prepare themselves for putting their case to the legal authorities.  

 

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Should you move out?

Some men find that keeping the peace is better than arguing when the divorce papers have already set the wheels in motion. They want to keep things civil and try to be respectful to their partner for the sake of the good times they previously had, or the fact that they don’t want to alarm the children. If your partner is reasonable and cooperative, that’s a bonus, but sometimes emotions get the better of both parties are hostilities boil over. The stereotypical thing to do is to move out, but men are no more guilty than women, so think twice before booking a room in a cheap motel to pass the time. There are financial advantages and disadvantages if you’re the higher income earner, by staying in the house, that you should discuss with a lawyer.

Get the proper legal team

Don’t settle for a legal team that’s cheap because they’re likely to be inexperienced. Family law help is crucial for men in this day and age because it’s more likely that your former partner will get custody of children; statistically speaking. A good attorney will inform you of the legal obligations most men are given such as child support, spousal support such as alimony, parenting plans and protective orders. They will help you gain a better perspective of the culture in which the law is interpreted so that you can protect your financial and mental health in the best possible way.

Image source – Cordell and Cordell

 

Consider settling

Separating can get ugly, and the fact that going to court can be green-lit, the tone can amplify in seriousness and stakes become higher. Some cases might go on for years, but your ex-partner and her lawyer can sometimes be willing to avoid a long lengthy battle and hold an agreement outside of the courts. If you can, settle outside of court as this will drastically cut legal fees, and you may get a better deal from her lawyer than you might from a judge. Workout a legally binding stature and think of a long-term agreement that you’re comfortable with, then start negotiating. Think of the things that matter most, such as the children, property and savings accounts.

 

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The Unexpected Shock of Divorce: How to Cope

The Unexpected Shock of Divorce: How to Cope

Divorce is one of the most stressful things you can experience in life. But the fact remains that that divorce rates continue to rise, as they have been doing for quite some time now. It’s not the kind of thing that you can prepare for, and it can arrive in a variety of ways and for a variety of reasons. But finding ways that help you cope with the whole process is really important. There are negative ways and positive ways to go through a divorce.

No One Expects Divorce, But it Happens

Most people get married and expect to live happily ever after. This is what’s in their mind, but how the reality plays out is rarely the same. I don’t want to be unromantic here because many marriages do work out happily and the two people stay together for the rest of their lives. But for many people, it falls apart much sooner than that. And they didn’t expect that, just as you probably didn’t expect to be getting divorced.

It’s important to realise that these things happen, though. Sometimes, people just drift apart, and they just become incompatible, even if they used to be compatible. There is often little sense in persevering with a marriage that’s dead because it probably won’t come back to life anytime soon. It’s not necessarily even anyone’s fault; it just happens.

Remain Practical, Even When Emotions Run High

Emotions do often get the better of people when they’re going through divorce proceedings. There is often a desire to get the better deal and take revenge on the other person. This might seem rational at the time, but in reality is mostly childish stupidity. And divorces are much easier to cope with when both people act like reasonable adults and work to make things as pleasant and easy as possible.

This means you probably shouldn’t try to go through the process without hiring a lawyer. Many people think that this will actually help they to avoid conflict. In fact, the opposite is true. Most of the time, divorce lawyers can balance out personal conflicts and keep things strictly factual and logical. They are not weighed down by the emotions you two both feel.

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Move on and Experience New Things as Quickly as You Can

If you want to cope well with divorce, once the proceedings are over with and you no longer want to be associated with your former partner, you should just move on. If you spend too long dwelling on what happened and what went wrong, it will just weigh you down and make your life a misery. No one wants to go through that.

You should try to change your life and do the things that you have never done before. This can provide you with a sense of freedom that you never had before. You can meet new people, try new things and spend money on stuff your ex would never have wanted you to spend money on. This period of moving on and breaking free is one of the most important.

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I Want To Break Up: Five Soul Destroying Words 

I Want To Break Up: Five Soul Destroying Words

The person that you love the most in this world has just uttered five of the most soul-destroying words that you will ever here: ‘I want to break up’. Maybe you knew this was coming; perhaps things haven’t been right for a while now? Or maybe you have had no idea that your partner was unhappy and are in complete and utter shock? Either way, hearing those five little words is never easy, especially when you have put your heart and soul into your relationship, only to have it crumble around you.

pexels-photo-14303Photo from Pexels

Knowing what to do when the love of your life tells you that it’s over is difficult. Whether you were expecting it or not, it doesn’t make dealing with a breakup any easier. A lot of women struggle to know what to do and what steps to take when their partner wants to break up. Although it’s going to be hard no matter what you do, you need to get to grips with what is happening and start putting yourself and your children (if you have any) first.

To get through your breakup and get your life back on track, here’s what you need to do:

Talk to your ex-partner

The first step in any break up is talking to your ex-partner. Whether that is face to face or over the phone, it doesn’t matter. What you need to do is talk things through, this will allow you both to get some closure and will help to make organizing your separate lives easier. If you have children or pets that you share custody of, this is even more important. Try to discuss the important things like who will live where, when will the children see each parent, and things like that. If you can settle these things amicably, it will make the divorce process easier for everyone.

Find a lawyer

Regardless of whether you want to make your divorce an amicable one, it’s a good idea to have a lawyer on hand. As that way, you have someone to explain each part of the divorce process to you, and also have someone to discuss any concerns that you have with, such as the custody arrangements for the kids. Your best bet is to hire a divorce specialist to help with your case so that you know you are in the best hands. If money is tight, you may be able to get appointed a free lawyer, depending on your financial circumstances, that is.

Spend time with your nearest and dearest

Marital breakups are hard, which is why spending more time with your nearest and dearest is so important. You might think that you are coping with the break up on your own, but it’s always good to have a support system in place to lean on. Just in case you find yourself struggling a little bit with everything that’s going on.

Breaking up is never easy, especially when you are married to your partner. However, what it’s important to understand is that sometimes it’s for the best. It might be hard at first, but in time you will most probably be happier and more content for it, it just takes time to adjust, that’s all.

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You Have To Think About The Kids

You Have To Think About The Kids

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Divorce is such a horrible thing, but it happens. You never planned for it, but it happens. For whatever reason, it has happened. It comes with stresses, worries, hurt, love, anxieties and pain. But the hardest thing about divorcing the person you once loved is protecting your children. They are your every thought, that piece of you that you will do anything to protect. Of course, it is worth noting that a lot of children cope with divorce fantastically, and come out unharmed and unaffected.

But not all of them, which is why you will need to do everything you can to ensure they are as protected from the effects of your divorce as best as you possibly can. That is where we come in. We have gathered as much market research as possible, including advice from experts and divorcees, to ensure that your children remain the priority through this incredibly tough time.

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Set The Priority Straight

Your marriage may have broken down, but you still share your children, and that you always will. You are both going to be responsible for raising them to be incredible adults. As such, you need to reaffirm with the other parent that your children’s emotional health is at the very top of the priority list. Whatever happens, you will protect them from harm and hurt. That is your duty as responsible parents, and that chat needs to happen from the outset.

No Fighting

Emotions will be high, and often uncontrollable. They will flare at times and you will get under each other’s skin. But try and control your emotions as much as possible, because the more control you have the easier it will be to remain calm and not fight. This is going to be in your child’s best interests. To help you, we suggest you hire an attorney who is experienced in this area of law, such as Barton Wood. It is also wise to seek mediation, and perhaps go to counseling together. The sooner you can tolerate each other, the better it will be for your child.

Be Role Models

You are both role models for your child. You are the biggest influences on their lives. You will want to show them how to be mature, how to act when the going gets tough, how to approach undesirable situations and how to show strength. Remember, showing strength doesn’t have to be pushing. It can be in accepting the other person’s opinion too.

Be Involved

A parent needs both parents. They deserve it too. So no matter how much you may despise each other, you cannot let your child suffer because of your pride. By both having an involvement you drastically reduce the chances that your child will grow up with emotional health problems. There is no point telling yourself that you would make a great single parent because it is irrelevant. What you should be telling yourself is that your child needs both parents in their life. It takes bravery to do that, but being a good parent is all about being brave.

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Divorce Isn’t Your Only Option!

Divorce Isn’t Your Only Option!

When your relationship hits a bump in the road, it’s easy to think that there is no moving forward. And you might believe that there is no other option than calling a divorce lawyer. But it might not be the end of the relationship. In fact, there are ways you might be able to work through your issues and come out stronger the other side. Therefore, here are some other options you should consider first before going down the divorce route.

Talk about your problems

A lot of couples close up when they are having troubles in their relationship. Rather than talking to each other about their concerns, they tend to bottle it up and push each other away. But if you don’t talk to each other, it won’t allow you to move on from your problems. And the emotions you are feeling will build up, and you will grow to hate your partner. Therefore, if you want to work on the relationship, it’s time to open up to one another. Clear the house so that it’s just you and your partner. And then sit down next to each other and allow each other to talk about how you feel. Once you have everything out in the open, you can hopefully concentrate on the present and move on with the relationship.

Have a trial separation

Rather than rushing to a divorce lawyer, the first thing you and your partner should do is have a trial separation. After all, a lot of couples find that a separation does them both the world of good. In fact, it can show them both how much they love the other person. And as well as this, a separation of at least 12 months is often needed before any lawyer like Gillard Family Lawyers can start the divorce proceedings. Therefore, give each other some space to work through your issues. You or your partner might want to leave the family home for a period to ensure you live separate lives. Or you might want to stay under the same roof, but live as if you were both unmarried. Having some time apart can help you to see clearly what the next step is for your relationship!

Look into relationship counseling

Some problems between you and your partner require some outside help. After all, you might find that you just argue about the issue if you sit down just the two of you. But this is not helping you to address the problem and potentially move on. Therefore, if you want to save the relationship, you should consider attending relationship counseling. It’s a great way to express what you want to say in a safe environment. And the counselor will work with you both to ensure you both get a chance to have your say. For some people, counseling can often help them to move forward with their relationship. Or it can show them that the relationship can not be salvaged and that you should both move on!

And sometimes it’s worth going back to resolve current problems. Reminiscing about how you met and going on your first date can help you start over with your other half. Therefore, don’t be afraid to spend some time in the past to move forward!

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Divorced? Here’s What You Need To Do Now

Divorced? Here’s What You Need To Do Now

Making the decision to get a divorce is never an easy one, particularly if there are children involved. You might have been trying to make it work for months or even years but to no avail. If both you and your partner are severely unhappy in your marriage, a divorce can be the best solution for everyone. But once you’ve come to an agreement, it can be difficult to know what to do next. Even though it’s the right thing to do, it can still be an emotional and overwhelming experience. So if you’ve just decided to get divorced and are unsure what to do now, follow these simple steps.

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Talk about child custody

This is likely to be the most difficult conversation you will ever have. But it’s also the most important. You and your partner need to decide how you intend to continue providing care, time and support for your children. Consider how you can equally spend time with them, particularly over holidays, birthdays and weekends. Be realistic and always focus on your kid’s best interests.

In addition to this, you should also discuss how you want to break the news of your divorce to your children. Talking about this beforehand gives you time to prepare for their reactions. If you find it difficult to come to an agreement, get in touch with Gillespie, Shields, Durrant & Goldfarb or another family law firm.

Check your finances

Running a house will be different now you only have one source of income. You might have to survive on less and stretch your money further each week. The cost of getting a divorce can also be notoriously expensive. So one of the most important things you need to do is check your finances. Visit your bank and talk to your financial advisor about your current situation. They may be able to suggest ways in which you can save more money each month. This is also the perfect opportunity for you to set up a new bank account. If you think you might struggle, you should also start looking for additional employment. Download LinkedIn and other free job search apps to get started.

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Decide where you will live

Another vital discussion you need to have with your partner is where you will both live. One of you might want to stay in the same property whereas the other might want to move out. Or perhaps both of you want to move out and sell your old home. Remember to consider your kids before making a final decision. If you do decide to sell, work out a fair way to divide the money equally. This is an agreement you should have witnessed by an attorney, as your property is likely to be the most expensive asset you have. This will ensure that when it is sold, no foul play will occur.

By following these simple steps, you increase your chances of having a more honest and amicable divorce. This can benefit not only you but your children as well. If you’re still finding it difficult to come to terms with your divorce, talk to a divorce counselor or your doctor.

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Emotional Devastation: Understanding the Mental Effects of Divorce

Emotional Devastation: Understanding the Mental Effects of Divorce

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I’m going to go ahead and guess that no-one reading this article believes divorce is easy. But when we consider the precise emotional impacts of divorce, it can look even scarier than you thought. Here are the common emotional effects, along with some tips for dealing with them.

Depression

It’s fair to say that this one will come as no surprise to most people reading this article. A divorce, essentially, signals the death of a loving relationship. And such a thing can often induce deep feelings of grief. Some may feel that the word “grief” carries with it a sense of overstatement. But anyone who has seen the end of a meaningful relationship will likely understand what I’m saying. Feelings of unworthiness, sadness, and difficulty concentrating are common during a divorce. Do not underestimate depression, even if it’s only short-term. Consider speaking to a professional.

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Guilt

A sense of failure often comes with a divorce. It’s much stronger than the kind of guilt people tend to feel at the end up an unmarried relationship. This is because marriage is made out to be this monolithic thing that people have to work hard to maintain the health of. This is true to an extent, but only because society and the law make it out to be so. The end of a marriage shouldn’t be approached with any more guilt than the end of a regular relationship.

Anger

Anger can often occur if there are disputes at the heart of a divorce. This can be a dispute over assets, as it so often is. It could be a dispute over the custody of children. Much of the time, resolving these disputes require a calm head and rational thinking.

Angry twenty something couple yelling at each other
Angry twenty something couple yelling at each other

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It’s unlikely that this is something that either party will be capable of! That’s why it’s so vital to have a family lawyer involved to try to figure things out. (That and the fact that there’s a lot of legal complexity here!) Family lawyers like Manassa, Stassen & Vaclavek, P.C. are vital to this process. Ultimately, this can help reduce anger by aiding with reasonable solutions.

Fear

What will the future hold? What sort of relationship are the two of you going to have from here on out? Will you ever see the much-liked family of your ex-partner again? What will life with the kids be like now? How are our mutual friends going to react and conduct themselves going forward? There’s a lot of uncertainty in the future when a divorce occurs. This, of course, can trigger a lot of fear. Try looking into ways of dealing with this uncertainty. 5348057660_5210940458_b

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Stress

All of the above are going to contribute to feelings of stress. This can often reach levels of intensity such as you have never before experienced. You may already know that stress is an extremely unhealthy part of your life. But people usually think about long-term stress when they think about such health effects. It’s important to understand that intense short-term stress can also present several health dangers. Do your best to tackle it. Reducing stress can help you deal with the above emotions. Remember that these emotions tend to exacerbate themselves. It can be a vicious circle, but it might be one you can break.

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