Making Time For Sex While Raising Little Ones
The years of finding time for sex while your kids are young is anything but easy. You may be sleep deprived, up multiple times in the middle of the night, or you may have kids coming in and out of your bed at various points of the night once they are out of their crib and can walk out of their room straight into yours.
Talking about your sexual needs and expectations with your life partner is essential – because otherwise tension often builds up about sex or lack thereof. There cannot be any other way to have a meaningful and satisfying sexual relationship while you’re raising kids unless you throw it all on the table and address it hands on.
Figuring out a rhythm or pattern for sex, in particular while moms and dads are raising young children, is doable though – always. Getting advice and looking for perspectives from others is always a good start and usually helps generate ideas. For tips and advice, you can click for the full Research Verified reviews or browse for blogs, podcasts, articles, and full length books about which there are many. Figuring out how to have a meaningful sexual relationship while having kids is hardly a new topic!
Rules to Live By
- First, there are no rules about sex and how many times you need to have sex to have a healthy sexual relationship – especially when raising little ones and feeling like your brain and emotional well being have nothing left to give. On the other hand, not having sex for weeks or months at a time, except immediately after childbirth, is not recommended as sexual tension usually builds up somewhere and bleeds into the relationship in unproductive and damaging ways. A general rule of thumb about how often to have sex when you are that tired and exhausted, is at minimum once a week. You may aim for two times a week, but at minimum, you gotta connect intimately at least once a week. And if that one time a week needs to be planned – go for it. Planned or spontaneous – once-a-week sex may lead to twice-a-week sex if both partners feel connected. As the saying goes, it’s quality and not quantity.
- Second, there are no rules about what constitutes sex during these years. Specifically, you may need to think out of the box when you’re feeling exhausted and there are interruptions. There is no other way, really. So setting aside time for intimacy may include massage, sensual massage, and hot baths or showers together. The box for sex has to be open – to include whatever it is that works at whatever moment you’re in. Blur the lines between sex, lovemaking, and intimacy.
- Third, lock the door and turn off your phone. This is the golden rule of there being couple time and kid time with no blurring on this one. The last thing you want is an interruption of your intimacy.
Relationships take a lot of hard work and can never, and should never be neglected. We must be attentive to our relationships and protect them with the best of intentions and attention.
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