Dealing with a Difficult Ex

Dealing with a Difficult Ex

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Dealing with a difficult ex after a breakup can be really tough, especially if they harbor negative feelings towards you, and especially if you have kids to think about and you can’t just sever all contact with your ex-spouse. Although it won’t be easy, here are some tips for dealing with a difficult ex that might help you to get through it a bit more easily:

Say No to Negative Intimacy

Negative intimacy is the term used to describe the process that many ex-couples go through whereby one or both of them try to punch each other’s buttons in the hope of getting a reaction. If your ex tries to make you mad, the best thing you can do is to not react at all. Stay calm and don’t give them what they want and it won’t be long before they get the message and give up on trying to make you angry.

Treat Them Impersonally

It’s always nice to have a good relationship with your exes, especially if they are parents to any of your children, but when you’re dealing with a difficult ex, who’s behaving badly towards you or even trying to cause you harm, it’s best to be as impersonal in any interactions you must have as possible. That way, you’re less likely to get into arguments or give them, in their mind, the wrong idea about the future of your relationship.

Keep the Children Out of It

Depending on how crazy your ex is, it might not always be possible, but nevertheless, you should strive to keep the kids out of your issues with your spouse. You should refrain from speaking negatively about your ex in front of them, and you should never make them the go-between in your relationship with your ex-spouse. After all, no child wants to have to choose between parents or have to hear negative things about them. Obviously, if you think your ex’s behavior could put your kids in danger, that’s a different matter, and they may have to be told about certain things to keep them safe.

Think About Yourself, Not Your Ex

When your ex is being difficult, playing mind games with you and generally trying to make your life tougher than it should be, it can be tempting to spend all of your time and energy fighting him or her, talking to your friends about him and allowing her to take over your every waking thought. This isn’t going to do anything but stress you out, make you more anxious and stop you from living your life. So, instead of putting the focus on your ex, put it firmly on yourself and your kids. Have fun together, take the time to relax and as far as possible, block your ex from your thoughts. You won’t be able to do it all the time, but the more you shift your focus, the better you will feel.

Hire an Attorney

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If things start to go too far and your ex begins harassing you to the point that you fear for your safety, hiring a good attorney who knows how to get a restraining order fast is a serious possibility. You should not have to worry about your own safety ever, and there are things you can do to keep you and your kids safe, should it come to that.

Cut Communication Completely

When things get to the point that you’re considering legal action, it’s probably smart to cut all contact with your ex. Block his number from your phone, avoid going to places you know he’ll be and if he does get in touch with you, simply ignore him.

Let Other People in Your Life Know

If the situation turns abusive and you get to the point where you need to protect yourself, you should definitely let the other people in your life, who need to know about it, know what’s going on. People at your work, the teachers at your kids’ schools and your immediate family, will need to be on alert for any unusual behavior from your ex so that if he or she tries to do something harmful to you or the kids, they can be stopped before they ever get the chance.

See a Therapist

If dealing with a difficult ex is really taking its toll on you for your own sake, you might want to consider enrolling in therapy, where you can vent your frustrations and learn coping mechanisms to help you through. There are several different types of therapy available out there. Know what your best options are so you can get your feelings out. You might think it’s actually your ex who needs therapy, but you can only look after yourself!

Tia, and TipsfromTia.com  is trying to keep you looking good and
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